no music no life

simple love

2011-04-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

ai hen jian dan~~(simple love)

this is a song from david tao, hez one of my fav artists of all. His songs are inspiring and soothing, in suit for every moment, either tears or laughter.
Moments of laughter could alwis be due to tonnes of reasons, but sadness would mainly derived from couple of things in life, love..love... and LOVE!

simple love..wut is the definition of it?even the phrase of 'i love you' could meant a lot from it. Wutz ya feeling when ya partner spills it out to you face to face? Fascinating?incredulous?Exciting?

Some could be overwhelmed could really take their lives off and having everything from them just with few words. Having to feel the sweetness in the air with nobody business but oni in their little world of own. Some would arouse the sense of curiosity with the meaning behind the words.Have u done something wrong behind me?slept with someone else when i was away?

However, the worst could be without any sense of feeling to the words! WHY?the possibility of these happening could be that relationship is no longer alive and either of the parties is no longer to spend even 1% of their time and energy to work things out rightly. wut a sad case of it, and here is the turning point where someone has to move ahead forward to bring it back to live? or certify to death?hahah

sometimes, i really have tonnes of question on my bf, is he the right one for me?is he really loves me?is there really a prob or im the source of the prob of making the happening of the prob? is everything really being so simple and direct?

1st trip at 1st world hotel

2010-08-16T08:11:00.001-07:00

i do enjoyed so much with my trip~

it was jus a simple trip specially meant for relaxation since ever started working and been dogs for some months ^^ we planned for a simple trip to genting. I wasnt getting excited at first since i found it ntg special traveling all the way high up to the hill.However, the sense of excitement and anticipation were getting stronger as the time was approaching for the departure.

we met at one u early in the morning. i jus went to office to settle something before heading to the departure spot. we went SUBWAY for breakfast and bought the tickets for both bus fare and skyway. While waiting for the departure time, we went for a short walk shopping for daily prod to avoid inconvenience.we even bought some fragrance for a bubble bath ^^we jus got into the bus and here began the journey to the hill.

anticipating for the departure

i was pretty anxious as the driver seemed driving improperly.Finally reaching to the foothill was another thing to worry me cos i doubt to have fear with the skyway. In fact, i found it pretty fun and love taking pics and seeing everywhere with so many trees around and beneath. the freeze coming towards me jus clear my mind off from all the docs and figures from work !!babe seemed pretty nervous when the skyway was on the way up along the hill. i was pretty panic at first since it was my first time takin it. sooner or later i felt the fun of it, having to see the trees and greening environment around, Im lovin' it!

About 30 mins and we arrived to the genting hotel and heading towards to 1st world hotel, which would be our accommodation for the night.we checked in and jus had a nice bath. the room wasnt that bad as i expected. at least it was really great to feel the nature breeze coming outside from the window instead of the cooling air con. after a while of resting, we went down to 1st world plaza for a while and lunch. it wasnt tat crownded, we jus wandered around and having a little fun wit it.

i got stunned wit some scattered coming towards my face when i wasnt really noticing his existence. i was looking around with the shops and this scary face was jus right in front of me... someone from the haunted house crew i guessed. i got startled and would nv loose babe's hand wherever i go since then.

after a while, we went to the arcade place where we rarely approach it here, with the ticket machines.. hohohoho!!we able to play in exchange for the ticket to cumulate points for gift exchange!!woot wooot woootss!!it sounds childish yet it made us a lot of fun from there. we got exchange for a heart, 2 key chains and one postcard..hahahahahhah!!!we after than went bak to our room and had some rest and bath before goin for supper instead of dinner.. hohoho!!we even bought junks back to the hotel for late night meals...hohoho!!it was a relaxing trip for me as i wouldnt have to switch on my thinkpad and log into my lotus note to check my mails ^^ YIPPY!!

it was so fast to move into the second day of sat, where we woke up early in the morning to claim for our breakfast. we ate a lot and jus walked around for better digestion.. ohoh!!babe discourage for outdoor games, so we jus went around and took some pics.. =.=!!hahahha.. and went back to hotel for a rest and bath before checking out. however, our bus departure was supposed to be 3pm and checked out at 12 noon, so wutz the next plan then?

again, we both are the fans of games and arcade. back to the same arcade and we got another little cutie panda!!!!heheheh.. it was fun though i wasnt able to go for the flying coaster. back from the hill to the foothill by skyway, this time was jus 2 of us in the gondola. babe was confirmed to be nervous when the it was in a misty condition, which u couldnt see anything in front of u. i could felt his anxiety..hoho..but i was pretty enjoying there, laughing at him and taking pics....seeing the nice environment, inhaling the fresh air from the greening creatures.it was pretty early to reach the foothill and we waited quite some time over there. we even bought and chewed some junk while waitin for the bus departure.

Finally back to one u, the next thing was heading to tuned hotel!another night in another hotel. babe wasnt feeling of goin back home so quick, we then jus go for a night at a hotel nearby in KD. it was somewhat a strategic place, where i tot could have a blaze night outing at Giza. i tot to drink for the night!!!however, it surprised me off when babe requested for a grocery shop for raw material in order to prepare dinner!!! no knife, no stove, no hot water, no equipment at all for me to prepare. it was a real challenge to me!!!hohoho.. however, we managed to overcome it and the result for it was a healthy dinner menu:

Salmon cheese sandwich in wheat bread of cheese and mayoneise dressing
soya bean and white wine for beverages

i was really happie that he felt happie with this simple kinda thing and celebration. it was so warming deep to the heart ^^we jus had our nice nice dinner for the night with movies!!!

btw, tuned hotel was way better than 1st world deluxe room. the design was simple and easy ^^

2 sick 2 healthy

2010-05-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

aww.. struggling from so many things...

exams are jus around the corner..i have no ideas wut could i do to pass it =( somehow i jus knew that i have to study hard before entering into the exam hall to make no regret for this attempt ^^ listening from all the lecturers whereby the questions are alwis easy for the first attempt after the alteration of syllabus,believing it could motivate me into dreaming in scoring the papers. somehow, it wasnt the fact to kill the subs so easily..haha!btw, i've learned much things after attending the CIMA course even it cost me hundreds of pounds away from my saving account..haha!itz my honour to make frens from different places, ages and levels, which broaden my thinking and perception in dealing the situations. i admire their broad mind in taking things in life..they are great ppl ^^

back to my own life then..i have been feeling pretty much better lately,had few outings wit my great frens after a whole day of studying the past year questions, study text and revision practices for few days continuously at home.

after long whole battle wit exams and cw, finally my darling called me up for outings..long awaiting 4 persons outing!!YEAH!!i alwis love it to have our couples outing..hoho!darling was anticipated for WL's changeover in singing..wowowo!she was so eager to hear it..hehehehe!however, babe was alwis another person in front of other ppl..not the person who fight for the mic wit me !!!!after all, we went arcade and pool!!wowo, for the very first time darling fall in love wit tat arcade shooting game and POOL!!COOOL!!im so happie that we have the common interest finally, 4 of us, loving K, arcade and Pool!!but i still not i love wit bowling...ermm, i jus couldnt forget my stupid and foolish experience...hahahaha!!furthermore, having to break the fingernails of mine after springing the heavy ball and feeling of hurting my elbow and arm..hahahahah

it had been a very great experience to join them for brunch, my bf and his bros~~it has been alwis my wish to make frens wit them, provided wit his permission..haha!finally babe insisted to ask me for basketball session wit them ..erm, unfortunately i wasnt a sporty person to participate into any of it after an unforgettable experience during my younger time, so i decided to join them for brunch ^^ it was alwis the happiest time when u have the chance to spill out some of ya embarrassing experiences during school time. it was so funny listening to their conversation, talking bout their school time histories and records..hahah..they are not bad, jus a little bit naughty..heheh!isnt it nice to be naughty sometimes so that u have something to talk bout after leaving school?i've regretted why did i behave nicely during school time, why didnt i not being caught to the principal office and ask for my parents to come, why didnt i not fighting wit other ppl...hahah..crazy me!

after all, another planning for a movie outing even drove up my excitement!!i couldnt wait for the day to come and watch 2 movies of i wanted so much, iron man 2 and ip man2!finally we made it both on the same day jus for RM14 @@!!!!cool isnt it?2 movies for RM14...awww!!wasnt this awesome and cheap???thx for their frens who work at GSC..hohohoo!!it was out of my expectation and we could save up for Carl's junior.. yoyo, here we come!!the movies were out of my expectation cos i nv watch the first part for both.i tot iron man would be something like terminator or transformer..but it seem really funny and i was laughing in the theater..hez CUTE!!!wel, ip man was oso something without my expectation, hez awesome!i love ip man for his nice smile =D and least talkings with more actions around.. GOOD!!i like it!!finally , i realised that ip man is a cover of a real story!!O.O my discovery of the day! overall, the happiest thing was his frens treated me as a fren too, i wasnt alienated from the conversation or what either,i was taken together for the jokes too ^^ thx babe and dudes!!

the next outing was so so so happie to meet my darling again, i was surprise that she showed her eagerness for outing wit us even before me asking her out....hhahahahahha!!!again we alwis love K and arcade ^^ this has alwis be the reason for us to get together ^^ of cos im hoping to have vacation wit u guys...im hoping so hard to visit the hometown of all of u guys...sigh!!!!!!!!!!!im looking forward for the day to arrive...YEAH!!!wait for me, kluang~pahang~miri~kuantan~johor~s'pore~i so hope to visit a restaurant of a fren of darling... i really hope to go there and eat their dishes...aikssss!!!

btw, im having period pain and stomach while my babe is having a fluuuuuu...aikssss.. why we fall sick at the same time????how are we suppose to take care of each other...aiksss~~hope he'l get well soon and i'l get healthier for exam..hohohohoho!

little wilson & little sharlee

2010-05-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

dilemmas..

life has been so happening recently,it could be considered as bored too as things are moving slower than i've expected. nice plan for further study of CIMA..i've met a bunch of great ppl,the lecturers foremost, they are knowledgeable and wise ppl, a bunch of great coursemates..the full time students as well as the part time students. they both gave me aspiration of how CIMA life and working life shud be..they taught me many things within and beyond wut the syllabus offered..of cos not to be missed out, the security uncle that alwis been complaining bout my dressings of having shorts..=.=
after all, the courses had ended so, for the preparation of may exams..first attempt for CIMA and the strategic lvl, wut would u think i would be feeling at this moment..without good and well preparation, yet blogging here with a sluggish manner.perhaps i have learned to think outside the box, yet it means not that i've give up myself ^^

however, i felt happie that babe had accompanied me for quite a period of time..to everywhere that i have to go. im so touchy when he acc me for my very first interview in my life, i'l nv forget bout it!it could be jus a simple thing or he'l alwis say 'np..hehe', it meant a lot to me!!i stil rmb we went to KLCC for brunch at sakae sushi...our all time fav-sushi!!i even bought some clothes before going for my interview and changed it, from a semi formal to a casual one..hahaha!

after all, we took LRT back to masjid jamek and changed to rapid. i was totally lost cos i nv took that public transport before, fortunately babe was the one to bring me.we were kinda rushing since we were searching for the printing shop at KLCC..i was almost sprinting..haha!!surprisingly i was very happie even we 'crawled' to the staircase, even the RM2 printing per page @@...im alwis happie that babe was the one to do all these wit me..heee^^ after reaching the CIMB HQ building, he had to wait for me at oldtown coffee shop, i had to go alone ^^ i dunno why i felt not nervous at all even it was my first proper interview..perhaps i wasnt taking seriously into tat job..and i noe someone was there waiting for me and going through wit me no matter wut happen ^^ i went down to find babe after the interview..my sis called me for to knowing the details ^^ i felt so great tat moment, my family and my love one were all caring me so much ^^ rain poured suddenly, raining cats and dogs, fortunately im alwis the auntie who brings umbrella in my bag =P..we marched to the shopping mall opposite, which is SOGO, where babe used to work part time there ^^ after that, we went back to my college nearby for a drink..exhaustive after whole day walk..even i complained of feeling tired, hot, sweaty, smelly, wet shoes....but im stil extremely happie that babe stil there to acc me and cheer me up, trying to make me happie wit funny faces...i jus wanna hug him and nv let go tat moment ^^ he left until the class hour started..yet he had to take bus all the way back to his house through a 1 and 1/2 jam!!!wutz more i can say..not even a thank you could describe my relief for him...

wel, we went out tat day for K ^^ babe has alwis melt my heart off wit his singing of some songs.. frankly, i love it so much when he sings it...it touches my heart deeply ^^ i like seeing him acting cute and playful, he jus makes me smile and so happie with his funny jokes and faces..hee^^ we even discussed bout some future issues,which im gonna work soon and hez studying...im so doubtful wit the changes, perhaps he might ^^ i really feel that hez the one that i hope to stay on wit throughout my life..i think it shud have be irrelevant with my first love or wut, i jus feel very comfortable of having him in my life and i hope he could be the one for now and then...those issues wil be a critical breaking point in our relationship and i hope we could overcome every probs..im sure that i would not change my mind cos i have been through similar prob wit myself and i've overcame it ^^ i hope hez the same as me too ...>.<
btw, im really happie when he was trying to speak softly at my ear tat day..his reasons of not changing his mind too..hehehe!!those words were so sweet to come from him, which he seldom talk so sweetly..i wanna have little wilson and little sharlee wit u too ^^

little wilson ^^

little sharlee

my very first visit ^^

2010-04-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

new discover from bus rides...

i have been pressuring and urging myself from finishing the syllabus of the study texts, hoping to read all the chapters and every single questions with the solution approached in it, even hoping to go through the past year questions as well as the practice kits.i think everything could be done if it was to be oni one sub taken, however it wasnt!the combination of all of the above conditions applied to 3 subs which could be an overloaded for me, but i have no options but to try my best for it^^
somewhat i feel embarrassing wit myself having to claim that im actually a full time student for it!the part timers amaze me wit their determination and stamina of attending the classes after a whole day of heavy workloads, they are great ppl, which i would say^^ praying hard and wishing myself to do my very best for the exam as well as the preparation for it!

i hav been listening to stories bout couples breaking up lately, which are my frens, even my good fren, my babe's good bro..etc.the very first question that flash to my mind would be "would this happen to me?when would it be.."
no matter how persuasive were the words spoken out from his mouth, i would barely put my 100% for it even i love him as much as i could, and i think i really love him very deeply^^i nv denied that i have been suspecting him, not putting much confidence on him, auditing his love for me...i felt pain and guilty whenever treating him this way cos im hurting the love who loves me and i love so much, somewhat i jus couldnt get myself calm and think rationally..perhaps these happen majority to gals ^^ hahaha..

sooner or later, i get really happie that he'l willing to intro me and giving me a chance to make frens wit his best bro..im really happie that i could share at least some parts of his life wit me, which i alwis hope that he is willing to share most of my things in my life, my family,my frens...etc.another part of it tat makes me feels so great is we slowly generating a similar interest, K!hahaha..i found that babe has improve his confidence as compared to the very first time i knew him.he could sing songs in front of others, even he would grab the mic from me, even he would ask for a solo by himself, even he would proposed for a K session, even he would agree to apply a membership card wit me...etc.im so proud of him wit this, even i felt so melting when he sang the song 'when u say nothing at all-ronan keating' finally he got wut i've meant by him having a deeper pitch range that he could sing it in a steady and manly way!he finally got the point!!MUACKZ..jus wanna hug him when he was singing tat song...aaaa!!

wel,something contingency happened today..my first visit to his home sweet home!!!i felt surprised and happie that he mentioned that he was wit his GF when on the phone wit his dad..the recognition is a sense of security..hee ^^ it was kinda embarrassing that bathing at his place for the first visit.i felt comfortable and peaceful when stepping into his room, which is so much diff than mine, hahah..mine is jus stuffy, packed, messy...etc..hahahha!we then played Wii..WEEE~
i was shocked when his mom came home out of the sudden, it wasnt a shake off, but meeting both parents in the same day was out of my expectation and preparation...hehehe!!it was stil fine to me, im happie seriously!i felt so lovely when babe acc me to my college and had dinner wit me...tat moment i jus hope to have dinner together wit yuan..my feeling was weird for i hope to show to him that my babe does care bout me and love me much,i really do not hope of others putting down on babe, though he couldnt be a perfect bf in other's perception, i jus love him ^^

i love you cutie pie ^^

2010-03-28T08:04:00.001-07:00

i love khalil~~

laziness and sickness made me to have abandoned the continuous post of blog here.it would be considered as happening, somewhat i still felt bored sometimes.grandpa had passed away for bout 3 weeks ago, everything has been back to norm after the incident happened with our expectation.however, we were relief that thing happened after the chinese new year.although it was said to be saddening, we believed it was a relief for him to release himself from the torture of severe pain derived from his sicknesses. may all our blessings be wit you, grandpa,we believed grandpa you would rest in peace.

wel, i had been fall sick too since the incident happened until lately to have recovered from my throat ulcers and infection.3 weeks of struggle from the pain experiences were enough to alwis remind not to have hot and spicy food and to take good care of my health~further, i learned to appreciate the importance to have good health ^^ i even wished to have a healthy life as one of my bday wish list for the year. however, i was not allowed to celeb my bday due to some reason. it was somewhat meaningless to keep myself at home in front of the pc. it wasnt wut i hope to, but my bday was really a 'blast' to me..haha!it was real bore.. i jus expected to have greetings from frens, which enough to make my day ^^
i just hope to count down before tat night wit my babe, even it was via sms.i hope high that he would be the first person to have wished me..the one that bear wit me all the time..but i was sad that he fall aslept...>.< should i be angry or sad wit him ???wt...haha~i kept sms and calling him but without any replies from him..wuuuu~~sad oo.. i even cried under my pillow..hahahahh~stupid me >.< my tear dripped off when i received a greeting msg from bear bear hoong and darren..the tear couldnt stop dripping out from my eyes..i couldnt picture that darren would rmb my bday and even sent me at 00:00++...WOW!

after all, i went for a japanese buffet wit my parents( shogun). it was quite awesome cos i received a surprise gift from Qing. it was my first ever gift of the day..i really appreciate wut she had done though i was jus a simple sashimi dish.i appreciate My cloud and Qing.. u gals are awesome..I LOVE U GALS~~~it was a nice lunch cos i really happie to see my dad fall aslept after getting too full wit the food and my mom releasing some in the toilet after intaking too much of ice cream..hahahahah~~they are really cute match^^

i done nothing much for the day..but i felt happie that babe went out on sunday night to get a pressie for me even it was raining so heavily, with additionally screwed by his parents to use the car. i din noe wut was his initiative of going out during heavy rain,i jus blamed him for not considering of his monday morning class and the heavy rain but decided to gone for a drink wit his fren.i got so pissed off wit wut he had told,i was suspicious that why must he gone for drink so frequently wit his bro??!!i realised that i've mistaken something after he told me the truth and i felt guilty yet touchy, even teared off..hahaha~~silly me again!

besides, i was happie too that one of my frens rmb and intended to celeb wit me on the day itself. well, my rejection of celebrating on tues had postponed our outing to wed morning for a breakfast, which he intended to treat me. somewhat, it was my nexxt day after my bday, so i decided to save it for my bf, for sure ^^ babe came to my place, gave me the bday pressie and the card.. be frank, the card has really melted me off and i'l throw a smile at my face whenever i look at it^^ it was really sweet to me.. THANK YOU BABE!!!muackz~

however, things were jus happened like roller coaster.i nv expected we had an arguement on wed night and we'd fighted.. i confronted to him and i cried like nobody business. my heart as if was stabbed by a sword deeply inside that made me hardly breath for words.i jus pushed him away when he was trying to hug me..i dunno how shud i face him at tat moment..i jus dun wanna look at him and cry at the corner..however, i hope someone was there to bring me up when i was feeling extremely down...i really hope that he could made some little promises to me as to show that he tries to bear the responsibility of a bf of mine.after all, i was surprised to see some tears at his eyes when i had calmed myself down and settled everything..O.O..i jus wanna give him a warm hug of mine ^^

everything seems to be fine until ytd. me and my fren had postponed the outing until saturday. he intended to treat me some food. so we decided to go MV in the morning for an outing before attending my afternoon class. he offered to fetch me but i rejected to go by myself, which i think would be less troublesome for him to come all the way to my house. we reached there quite early, around 10.30..then decided to redeem my RM300 worth vouchers from redbox. we were so early til some shops seemed not prepare for busines. so we jus wandered around tat area.rock corner was alwis my comfy place to shop. i marched in with my intention of searching for my fav artist, khalil!i knew that he has released new EP single, but i jus found another live concert in HK, which was not found in my collection..hehe!i jus grabbed the album and headed to the cashier. i knew it would cost me RM48.50 for an album but once in a blue moon to get myself a bday present perhaps. i was totally shocked when he took out a RM50 note from his wallet to pay for me and claim that as my bday present.OMG~~i was shocked and fighting for the payment to the shop keeper. i just dun wanna give a chance for him to buy me. i would be happie enough that he has the intention to buy me a gift..haha~however, the shop keeper even told me that khalil wil be organising a live music concert in genting arena star in somewhere may!!!!!how i wish i could gooooooooooooooo and watch it~~i hope for the VVIP one...wuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~my TOP FAV ARTIST!!!!WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..

after all, we felt that it was time to redeem my voucher cos it would easily be crowded especially during weekend. surprisingly the crowd did not happen on tat day and we jus changed our plan to K instead of eating. it was ok ok..but i wasnt in a good condition to sing right after i've recovered from my throat infection. but i was really guilty and sorry tat i laughed when singing wit him even i claimed that the lyrics were too geli to make me laugh, initially i couldnt stand when he was pitchy!!OMG~~~im real devil.. i noe im bad but i jus laughed out few times... cos it was a bit overly pithcy...IM SO SORRY~~~after all he fetched me to my college since it was almost time to 2 ^^ we were lost on the way cos he drove to the wrong fly over and called up his mom for help in the end..i felt embarrassing to talk on the phone wit his mom to seek for direction..somewhat his mom was very friendly and gave us guide where to go.. cool..lively GPS ^^ ..im sorry!

the peak has came... babe was angry!!!i was really laughing like hell when i called babe asking him how are u babe wit my sweet lovely tone.. he answered me that "dying at home ar!"..hahahahahahah!!!i tried to be serious but i could pictured his face at tat moment..i wasnt mean to make him angry but babe was being so cute laa that made me to laugh out!!!his overly caring and protection have reflected another side of him, which is CUTE!!muackzzz~~although i felt scared and worried that babe would get really mess up and angry wit me,somewhat his cutie pie reaction gave me the patient to get thing over with open heart^^muaackz!!

thank you for loving me

2010-02-26T07:35:00.000-08:00

i love K wit babe!

i was so anticipated and excited bout the arrival of today, finally it has came!!we had initially planned for an outing of K session,that i would alwis loving it, i even found for new songs last few days so that would have something refreshing! woke up in the morning, having nicely planned of which clothes to be picked from the wardrobe for the day,we had discussed few days ago, and even had little argument for some stupid matters...haha!!however, i stil felt itz great not bcos of the clothes, but the fun and happiness!

however, i was so anticipating to let my new heels for a floor show after buying it and kept inside the shoe box since before CNY!!ITZ TIME!!!YEAH!!!i tried to walked before showing him to the real world..hehe!!however, i really salute to the chics that shopping wit high heels bout 5 inches!!!it was GOD DAMN painful and suffering, it was such a huge challenge to me for walking wit that 5 inches high heel walking from the taman jaya LRT station to the bus stand for bus (bout 500m), walking all the way from the MV bus stand to staircase and staircase and reached MV, walking all the way to THE GARDEN REDBOX!!!OMGG!i jus wished somebody could carried me tat moment!!i kept bragging at babe,how nice if he has a car to fetch me...SIGH!!i felt so regretful saying this, i felt like crying when i had calmed myself down after buying a new sander..tat moment when i saw babe trying to tie up and buckle the stripe at the side for my new sander, i felt how good is this guy to me but i even saying such harsh words to him!!!i jus wanna hugged him and cry!!!

however, it happened after we went to K!!it was out of my expectation to be so crowded!!we waited so patiently for bout 20 mins then luckily to have room for us!!!the food were nice!!the atmosphere was nice!!the mood was nice!!everything was so great!!!so sweet when listening to babe singings!!!i realized that babe sings and i scream!!!hahahahahahhahaha!!hohohoho!!!i jus love to hug him when he sings...REAL SWEET!!!wel, there are songs that making me having butterflies in my stomach whenever im singing wit him...love story by taylor swift, you belong wit me by taylor swift...i even tear off when my first attempt singing love story wit him hugging me in the room!!!

after all,i saw his ex working at La Senza today ^^ i was pretty curious bout who would be his ex.. i have confusion feeling!!!im happie that he was determined searching for part time job, but on the other hand, i jus dun wan him to work at MV whereby he has any opportunity meeting wit his ex.. I JUS JEALOUS!!I ADMIT..HOHOHOHOHO!!!!doesnt he the same thing as mee...BLEK!!i dun wanna make myself feel suspicious and thinking too much things if he was to work here..and i'l be starting my stupid emo days wit him!!i wanna AVOID and MITIGATE arguments that would probably ruining our relationship!!!I DUN WAN!!!

later we were searching for a place for a drink.. we walked so some time, it was pretty tiring and his face told me that he suffering from thirst...haha!!but i jus hope that could get him something nice after shooting him...hahahahah!!!we ended up had our McTwist strawberry !!!itz alwis lovely to me of having that ice cream even itz simple!!I LOVE IT!!!

time to leave for my evening class..babe jus acc me to the stations and took KTM wit me to KL central and LRT to pasar seni!!!i was definitely feeling happy that he would do it to ensure my safety..AAAAAAAA!!!again i felt like crying when hugging him at the station..although the weather was HOT and the trains was 101% STUFFY!!we couldnt get a moment to stand nicely or balanced ourselves..but this were jus nice experiences!!seeing babe to leave after sending me to the destination was something touchy and lovely!!seeing him to figure out where to get buses back to his area,willingness to wait for buses even the traffic was congested...thank you for loving me as u had said to me!!

white and blue

2010-02-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

CNY!!!

finally having some free time of posting a blog here.chinese new year is a celebration of chinese traditional culture every year that is equally to the new year. however, itz pretty special this year whereby the first day of CNY falls on the same day to valentine's day!me and fren were saying this would be an extremely memorable if someone was to break up wit their partner so that his or her partner would nv forget bout it whenever valentine's day or CNY come.

btw, me and babe went for an outing the day before he went back to his hometown at bentong (pahang). i initially to get myself a red dress for my CNY visit after realizing my clothes bought previously were all in slightly grayish.thereby we went to sunway pyramid, which seems more affordable for me ..hahaha!!

it was a real fun day cos we reached there pretty early and i had plenty of 'space' to shop. i'd experienced shopping in an extremely packed mall (MV) that i couldnt get to the clothes i wan,long queue for the fitting room and cashier, the main point was got my time wasted for all these.
it has alwis been my happiest activity to do, SHOPPING!!!after going through the shops that i usually favour in their clothes, i stil couldnt find the clothes that suit my want. finally i got into this shop, cache cache,which is heard to be a new brand originated from france entering into m'sia's market ,the first opening here in sp..i din noe anything bout it until i've bought the dress ^^ finally found the kinda thing i wan, but it seems a prob that size M would nicely fit my waist and hip but not the boobs, while size L jus slight loose for everything..somehow, this was my last choice for the day with nice and simple design and affordable price ^^

after all jus shopped for little things after getting the major mission done ^^ diva has alwis be a nice place for accessories. however, the prices are slightly over my budget..heheh!the little things there are no doubt nice and fancy, therefore, it'l be my reference shop..hahahah!!

babe told me that he has to shop for a bday pressie for his fren where hez gonna share it out wit his bro. HA!!how could u not telling me at first!!???i have tonnes of ideas come on, i could help u out with the best price that fitting to ya budget wit a presentable presie.. hohohoho!!!how smart i am CSL!!!AW AW .. kinda admiring myself ..haha!!back to the story, i felt weird that how could i tried so hard to shop for a presie that my bf and his fren gonna give it to a gal???@.@? OMGGG!!!CSL has gone insane ???i really felt no jealousy that moment but to try my very best to shop for a nice one for their fren!!i felt really happie and i found one designed cup that has a teddy bear in it wit the same designed pattern^^ so nice and presentable yet reasonable..HOHOHOHO!!tat moment really made me felt so proud of myself ...kakakaka!!!

after walking and talking, eating and laughing, choking and sneezing,snapping and posing, itz time to get the bus back lrt station. everything was so soothing throughout the day, it was sweet and happie til the moment of shit time came in the end of the day !!!hav u ever seen any couple pampering, hugging and cheeks kissing in public buses before?if not then im so gonna bring u out wit me next time..hahaha!however,this malay lady perhaps not encountered such scenery before and pointed me to be 'tak tau malu'!!hmmm...if i really tak tau malu as though she tau malu to care so much on wut other ppl does!who the hell on earth is she to judge me and humiliate me in front of others?!i nv ask her to see wut i've done and i knew itz acceptable to myself and others!if she couldnt take wut the norm is, then jus hide into her own room and nv come out to the public!however, i perceive that she was not in a good mood and we were the victims for her!but she jus seemed like a crazy dog that barking with no reasons!

waitin for food...>.<

my meal!!!ramen!!!!yummy

his bento!!!

starving!!!gonna hunt out food ..keke

kept sucking since got refill..hahahhha!

stil suckinggg!!

finally smile after finish suckingg

BURBB!!!opppss ^^

kaakakaka...sorry la, im snapping the lady over there ..hahahah

last SS before leaving the shop ^^

SS while waitin for the bus ^^

good good fren ~~

OMG!!!his hand so girlish!!

~WE ARE THE POSERS~~~

sweet and easy

someone is trying to have small lips and mouth ..KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA

he loves me in his heart

2010-02-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

wut a day

my feeling was overwhelming starting from last night cos we were going to meet today.finally after few days of not seeing each other, the moment was so anticipating until i couldnt got myself to sleep for more hours.i woke up 8 in the morning by the alarm clock. i had a feeling that he would be coming before 10am, i believed it ..hehe!the feeling was great, waiting someone that u love so much, the anticipation brought butterflies in my stomach.

until i received a text from him, he was stuck at home unless his mom had left the house. i understood the situation and the mood was not influenced at all.i've done some household, enjoying the time of cleaning up the house..

until i received a text from him, he asked me whether or not he managed to get here by 10 am with the terrific traffic jams everywhere and rigid public transports of LRT and buses. somehow i kinda misunderstood that he would have hinted not to come over due to the time consuming.however, my thought had misjudged him,my bad!but i noe he would be in trouble of getting over to my place, i knew that it would be sort of bore, i knew i shudnt be blaming and screaming on him..

until i received a text from him, he insisted to take a cab ride to my house. obviously it is costly to him, the distance from his place to my plac wasnt a joke!!i felt really great on his intention and action.terrific traffic, inconvenience perhaps could be part of the reaons of choosing the cab, somehow those were not my interest, i jus hoped to see my babe as soon as possible ^^ and the person i love was on the way to see me ^^ i was really excited, choosing clothes which would made him felt great of seeing his bibi, i even decided to go for a vintage look of a jumpsuit of short skirt and with a bikini bra inside, thx to the push up bra that made my boobs looked fantastico!

until i received a text from him, his had been overspending for the week, he hinted somehow to post pone our valentine celebration due to his overload of outings wit frens that caused him to a financial breakdown..hahaha!!i nv replied his text.i am sure he knew he has posted a disappointment to me after the text was sent.he even mentioned it in the subsequent text msg. i remained of no reply, i trying hard to calm down, accept, absorb and adopt. i put myself to the best of doing other things, i tried not thinking bout it, having the best ever mood when he was about to arrive my place.

until he reached my house, i threw a smile at my face, i pretended as though i was real fine.somehow my facial expression betrayed and got a ruin of it.everything was fine even he had asked me some times,until he looked at me and hugged me.my heart as though was being stabbed by a sword, my heart was sort of not beating, keep bleeding, the pain wasnt normal to be jus bypass as though nothing had happened even it was jus little matter. i cried in his arms hugging me,he didnt noe wut was the reason behind to cause my tears dripping continuously.the very first time i pushed him away for times,his arms were strengthening, i ignored having direct eye contact wit him.looking at him would make me soft hearted to throw him my thoughts. it wasnt anger or disappointment either in my emotions, but i felt stupid and foolish wit myself, with wut have i done.having planning for a splendid Vday, saving money of getting a 'present for Him'...everything was alwis in my mind, the sceneries, the 'wut to do' list, the couple mix and match dressing, everything was inside my heart. u migh be thinking silly of me.NO WAY!this is our very first ever Vday...i demand something memorable.
after throwing my piece of mind to him, he could had a bad feeling that i might be asking for a break off.i went off to get my 'present to Him', which is a quiksilver wallet, that i had shopped for twice at one u and mid valley for 2 days separately for a nice one ^^ i personally considered it as a really nice designed wallet with suitable colour.my emo ruled me to march to my drawer and took out the wallet in the box, which is oso a nice pick of my choice after walking floors of units at mid valley, i love the design of the box wit a very masculine colour of gray with a black ribbon topping, it jus worth for my energy and money paying for the nice fancy box. however, i nv expected i would gifted him in such a situation..aiks!i wan a smile on his face when he opens the box, seeing the pressie beneath the cover.somehow, it was a bad feeling of him after seeing the pressie.i could see from his eyes, tears were dripping when he knew bout the 'present for Him'. that was the time i felt he was nv feeling better to see me crying so sadly in front of him.my heart was as if been stabbed wit a sword, he could have feeling to be stabbed by numbers of small knives. i could really saw his sadness of seeing his loved one having hard and sad time for himself,useless him of disappointing me always making him feeling guilty..somewhat he had many feelings running inside with a tough time of expressing it out to me. the oni way he done was to hug me tightly as to show how much he loves and cares me and wouldnt wan me to go..his breath and whisper of words too reflected he wasnt feeling great either. the situation was tensed,i struggled on the bed even he hugged me so tightly,i couldnt gave him my kiss when he kissed me.i even shy away when he insisted of kissing my lips.for some time he woke up while i was sleeping and crying with my pillow,no matter how, i couldnt stand a moment without his hug and attention when im in tear..i couldnt stand a moment without him when im in anger too.. it is undeniable that i need his attention and pamper all the time,perhaps it has been a habit since we started off the relationship.

until i began to calm myself,i started talking to him in norm.i couldnt sleep becos i knew that this was the time for me to see him and had him beside me, i would not wasted time to sleep, but i did for being emotional..sigh!my emotions for the day were as though running up and down like a rollercoaster. the fluctuation has remained normal after an hour of stormy rain..haha!i started punching his face, chest and arms, i even pinched him as a release..hehe!
after all, we even cooked our brunch together at the kitchen.it was funny time..hehe!!

at the end of the day, i realized that he loves me in his heart.

men and women

2010-02-04T07:14:00.000-08:00

men and women

me and my good fren were talking bout last sunday's outing. we were very missing bout the feeling of hanging out together with frens that have been studying together over the past 5 years,having the most memorable experiences together, seeing each other for almost 5 days a week, the frenship would nv just fade out, the feeling was great even we hav our own lifestyle. however, when talking bout our bfs, it has alwis been an interesting topics of all.

i alwis been thinking that why couldnt i get a bf that is so great like those of my frens?why would they be so lucky to have such great bfs but not me???in fact, i realized that good bf is just the introduction of all. perhaps many things were havent being revealed or kept nicely, jus bcos i alwis been listening to the good side of their bfs..haha~~after all, my observation tells me that i am not the oni one whohas been through problems and hard time in relationship.they encounter similar problems too, perhaps even worse than wut im goin through. i could see a reflection of myself when i observed my fren talking to her bf, i realized that how worry i was on my bf when he treated me similarly..i totally und her feelings, having his bf to alwis keep in touch wit his Ex-es..the sense of insecure, lack of confidence over the relationship,sense of ambiguity of losing the man that she loves...sometimes i would question myself, why is he to give me such a hard time?or i am the one who is making trouble to myself?

besides, another of my frens has alwis been worrying of losing her bf.she even intended to have an 'accident' im order to keep hold on him..but the guy said he would hate her if she does it!somehow, her fear has driven to a low self esteem level which she has alwis been figuring out some excitement to spice up the relationship.once again i ask myself, why would we have to spice up things even when we are feeling bore sometimes? healthy love need good coordination, no matter how excellent the ideas , it would not work things rite without the compromise of both parties.

jus back from granny's house.having an old married couple of almost 50 over years, having 10 children and numbers of grandchildren and even grad grandchildren now..isit it the most wonderful lifetime of an old couple?somehow, it was few years ago, not until when my grandpa has getting weaker from days of his virus infection. everything has been changing so badly since tat day, he couldnt speak properly due to a minor effect of stroke, kidney infections, etc..however, taking care of him has become a burden to his long time partner, my grandma. the feeling is totally not great when seeing my grandma to be in worry, fear, sickening face when she tries to take care of him. would u und he intended to die with her if he was to live the world one day?i dunno.. somehow, being more than a half decade of husband and wife, it is hardly to be acceptable when living the closer one ...sigh~

i wan .. i wan

2010-02-03T07:05:00.000-08:00

awww... first time ever i got pist off wit yuan nehh..hoho

wel, i was really happie after having the accompaniment from babe since morning til noon time. i was pretty worried that he'l get bore off since there was nothing much we could do in my room. however, the moment of having his hugs while i was sleeping was a treasure to me cos i alwis find it lovely to see the one i love in front of me every morning when i wake up from my bed and greet him 'good morning lo gong' wit a kiss on his lips. finally today we did it, though i kinda woke up in the morning to let him got into my house..^^ i brushed my tooth when he reached, he looked at me at one kind..but i hope i wasnt a shock to him ^^ i was still at my sleepy mode at tat time and got back to my bed after brushing my tooth and washed my face.the best ever pillow or bolster for me would be hugging babe or having him to hug me as a best ever comforter..hehe!i really love it when i slept in his arm and saw his face once i opened my eyes ," good morning ^^" i wan this to be happening everyday ..

after, i prepared brucnh for ourselves.at some point, it was really cute of him to get my soft toy on his hand, and kept talking to the toy while i was preparing the meal. i mean imagine a big young guy carrying a soft toy and walking around, having fun with tat cute little soft 'pao' ,was something surprising to me~~ at tat moment, i would jus picture that this guy is soft hearted, caring and perhaps a lonely childhood grown babe, which alwis treat his teddy bears as best frens when he was young..hehe!!HEZ SO CUTE!!!!after havin the masculine side of him, itz jus soo fantastic to see another soft side of him!however,another thinking came to my mind at the same time. how nice would it be if my bf ask jus ask me to sit and watch his show since he doesnt wanna make me feel tire of cooking food for him, or perhaps i alwis wish hard to have a bf that wil cook for me especially i need it so much, not a word of 'thank you', but 'i would help u darling'.

however, i cried when i realised that he seem no intention for the preparation of the celebration of valentine day. although i was quite fed up after times of times of failure in working things rite, somehow i really hope hard that our first valentine wil be really GREAT and MEMORABLE!!i mentioned directly to him,i pointed out my main purpose, but seems like he dun und it..AWW!!!wut he told me was he nv celebrated a proper valentine throughout his relationship with his previous partners, thereby he has no experience or intention for it. somehow, i tot that i would be someone special for him to have enough influence to stimulate the intention into him, however, im jus one of the ordinary oni..SOB SOB!!i really really really tot that he could have planned out something for our day, but it seems to be jus my personal illustration..haha!i wan my bf to plan a valentine celebration for me..>.< even it is a simple one, but im really glad and happie cos the intention of planning thing and i appreciate the HEART!!!the major issue is of having the HEART to give me a memorable day of valentine!!i wann...wuuuuu...

another thing, when he was blaming himself of not havin a single talent..hahaha..i asked myself for a while, wut do i like bout this guy since he himself claim to have no talents at all??i jus dun und why i jus love him so much ..hehe ^^itz unexplainable ^^

later went for class in the evening, i had dinner wit yuan.we talked bout sex and relationship during our dinner time. i got kinda pist wit wut he said on me, i mean perhaps he jus shudnt applied his concept and perspective onto me even i noe that he was jus merely caring me as his good fren. i noe that he wasnt happie and does not hope to see me of having the possibility of being a sex tool to my partner.however, i do think that there isnt any judgment to be done at this point, even he himself could have be the similar way..haha!somehow,i would try not to be influenced too much by him since i realised that most of questions were arise by him whhenever he stated some issues for me to think and ended up of me having so much probs between me and my babe..hahahah!!so i better stand tough on my personal judgment and perspective ^^

im not a blue chip stock

2010-01-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

wutz love ? i've lost the definition dy..haha

after cases of cases that making me to feel fed up, im not sure how long would my uncertainty wil last and how long would the enthusiasm be..hmmm..this isnt the first time to feel like this, but everything has recovered so quickly previously. however, itz getting harder now, perhaps when u get hurt for times and times, itz not so easy to get things over becos the wounds have recovered externally oni.

as i alwis study in my degree, when i have my cw to do, the referencing alwis there to prove as an evidence that something had been said or done or stated by somebody. in other words,if something has happened, the outcome of it would have last for not oni some period, perhaps it affects the overall outcome at the end of the day becos the evidence as the past history is there and no doubt it could be altered provided there is enough BETTER evidence to correct the previous misstatement.otherwise,the initial evidence wil be carried on. therefore, i alwis believe there's no turning back point once u've done something really critical and we hav the responsibility upon it.thereby, sometimes i feel pretty funny when reading some quotations and history of some past politicians, their foolishness sometimes would entertainment instead and i doubt how could and would all these so called 'educated' being such fools in their decision and words?after all, we'l see the apology as the headlines of the day..HAA!forgiving is a good habit, emotions could lead to improper language and irrational thoughts..but i alwis think is 'SORRY' everything?hmm.. if it is, then why would there be courts,laws, judges and such for punishments and sentences?why would ppl caught in jail for their wrong doings?why wouldnt jus say 'im sorry' and tatz bout it?haha.. God has taught us to be forgivable on wrong doings of others, however, i personally feel that they are to responsible for they've done.

wel, tat day was chit chatting wit my good fren, he told me that guys have no rights and shudnt be selfish over their love one.as a guy, he unds that itz important to make things clear so that guys would never be a burden to their love one. they jus cant bear the cost and risk for it perhaps it could affect the future time of a gal. so nv be selfish to the person that u love no matter how deep is ya love to her. i got startled after listening to his words.. im so proud to have such a great guy fren..dude u're cool man!

next wil be how i feel now, i feel sien dy.. dun feel like planning dy ... tire...how come my plans alwis fail?i've tot of places, presents, food,time, day...but jus failed.. sien niaa!i was excited at the beginning of january, getting ideas for celebration, and even felt nice when discussing wit my frens bout ideas, slowly felt jealous when my frens shared their experiences wit me, somehow i believe i could do it too ^^ but after some failures and cases, in fact, the mood for it has lost dy, and i think it really makes me fed up to plan in the future. perhaps i'l jus leave things in their way so that i wont get disappointed in an emergent way..perhaps i've been caring too much, itz time for me to losing up and not to take things so seriously dy. wut happen to u CSL.. how could ya first love valentines be so trashing...

360 degrees

2010-01-10T07:13:00.000-08:00

wowo...im happie wit my current life!!

although it seems pretty busy sometimes and free at some time,it gives myself an objective at least to be achievable instead of knowing nowhere to go. my sis went to sarawak for a vacation upon the company trip,i so would be alone for 2 nights. anyway, woke up early in the morning for preparation of the classes. reached there by 9.30++ and decided to get my breakfast. it is alwis not comparative for a canned soya bean with the soya bean that i alwis buy from morning market..the class was pretty boring, started with self introduction and it took us almost 30++ mins. finally we've realised that we are all been so shallowed and way more to go in reaching their level. they are knowledgeable,skilled,highly qualified and experienced. there are professional qualified and master degrees all around as my coursemates..hehe!!unbelievable of having such great coursemates..but me and yuan been thinking how to get to noe them ..hahah!!the class is quiet as we both were not use to it since we've been studyin with talkactive and 'aggressive' coursemates all the time..haha~~the class is just tooo quiet somehow.

we then went to KFC for lunch...sigh!!!we really gotta figure out wut could we get for lunch for other time. itz really unhealthy of having fast food so often..sigh!!itz nice to have frens when u study so that u'l not feel lonely. we intended to go for a walk after consuming a high calorie lunch. we went for a walk to the exhibition of hp sales..haha~~it was really sucks.. could u imagine 'iPhone' selling at RM199 with a buy one free one promotion???haha....i can tel u one thing is..jus get it at the apple store ba!!how could they not willing to sell off the display unit when the customer is even willing to pay for the price and request for the display unit??hahaa..the packaging of the product and the design of the hp are similar to the real iPhone,the difference was without the branding..haha!

it was hot and sunny so we've decided getting back to the air-con classroom..haha!the class was carried on with the same lecturer and we found it quite boring cos we felt that the lecture was slightly general at this moment. perhaps it would be improved sooner or later when the new syllabus has made clear.the class ended earlier and me and my 2 frens were taking LRT together ^^ so happie ^^ someone has got the touch n go card and left me and sam there for the long queue of tickets. the machines were down and all the queues were really long. we waited and finally got our tickets ^^ we got up to the escalator and hur ming rushed us for the train since it reached. we tried to and he got into the train. by the time we've rushed from up from the escalator, too bad we jus managed to wave our hands and said BYE to hurming since the doors were closing...hahahahah!!wut a dumb kia.. he shud have waited for us laaa..we both believed that it was fated for no one to accompany him along the way back home for today..heehehe!!pity him laa..
when we both were stil in the LRT, hur ming suddenly called me up and told me tat my parents were waiting at the station dy..i jus laughed at him that he've reached the station so early and fast dy hor..kekekekeke!!!funny la this guy..

but when the time i've reached the station and got up into the car, my parents told me that we've gotta go KL to visit grandpa since hez got into the hospital..== swt!!i jus got bak from KL oni !!

finally reached home and felt quite tiring...and babe was waiting for me..hehe!!muackz!!although it was quite short, but at least managed to webcam with babe for a while before hez got to bed ^^ it was nice when someone was trying to make u happie and smile when u are feeling exhaustive and tiring with ya day ^^ even itz jus a simple chat and joke would made my day ^^ thx !!itz really nice to see babe having cute actions and faces in front me and 360 degrees of changes in front of others ..hehe!!

nasi lemak biasa + mini chicken wings

2010-01-08T06:39:00.000-08:00

why am i so happie ?simple and sweet ..^^

wut a nice and simple day~~so happie to meet up wit my good fren,FY, it was a short talk, but was really happie ..hehe!

met up wit my babe, we jus went to ask for my course and waited for the purchase of bank draft ^^ babe was really very cute..hehe!!i love to see his reaction when he was caught to be angry and speechless..hehe!!i like to see him when hez angry yet he stil have to take it cos he has no reason to angry me since im so cute smiling to him..hahahahahha!! "hand hand.." heheh..babe would alwis wanna hold my hand...not even give a chance for me to sms ..hehe!!MUACKZ..act i do hope to hold his hand and nv let go ..hoho

after all, we went for a lunch while waiting for the staff to be back to work from lunch, we were both starving for some time since we had no breakfast in the morning. thus, we decided to go for nasi lemak at kluang station..hehe!!happie cos i wasnt in the mood for fast food and finally babe made the decision..YAYYY!i need not to crack my head to think of wut to eat..HEHE!!we walked all the way from one world office tower to one u new wing kluang station, the calories burned was enough for us to consume a nice nasi lemak ^^ the place was crowded since it was the inception of lunch break..i ordered the food and it was such a mess... babe kept criticising that my BM is sucks and thereby causing mistakes from the waiter..>.< how could he not differentiate 'chicken wing' and 'chicken kuah'...@.@..heheh~~however,it wasnt the point of it, i was really happie and felt so sweet that babe did it !!i din expected him to treated me with such a caring and lovely heart..haha~~mayb it was the first time he did it, so i felt really sweet even it was jus a small case.it really made my day!thx for the chicken wings!!!!!!after that, we walked all the way back to the one world office tower. this time was a joke..hahahah!!
we've gone up to the CN floor and get back to the G and gone to another elevator and tried to get to lvl 1 but failed cos we nv gained permission from the security department as a visitor..hahaha!!it took us almost 15 mins jus to wait for the elevator and going up and down in it..hahah~~however, it was really fun cos both of us were doing such a funny silly things together..hehe~~i was relieved that babe was there for me otherwise i would have been panicking..^^

after getting my thing done, we went for shopping ..hehe!suddenly hez got a call frr his mom, i alwis feel bad and nervous when hez talking on the phone wit his mom cos i feel helpless to him and he have to bear everything even his mom shoot him or screw him. but i was surprised when he told his mom that he has saved up the money to go out.. he tried his best to save up money so that he could hang out wit me..babe is my consultant as well as my hanger and body guard to take care of my bag and properties..hahahah~~~but i realised that babe would say the similar word when i ask his opinion..haha~~ and he alwis says "not nice..the colour not nice..very sexy.."hahaha.. the point has finally spoken out.."very sexy"...hahahah!!SO CUTE~~somehow,he suggest me to wear the 'very sexy' clothes at home since he loves to see me wearing it jus in front of him..>.<

after all, we jus went out since my parents are fetching me..but i hope he could accompany me until they were here..hehe!!we went to buy herbal tea and babe bought me the herbal tea ^^~~~

i feel really happie that babe was so lovely to me..i feel relief that someone so sayang me ^^ i really hope that this would happen everyday between us ^^

picture of the day:

my very first time drinking sirap limau intro by babe ^^

untellable dilemma

2010-01-07T07:15:00.000-08:00

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~

i was quite determined in the morning once i woke up ..i was so eager to read some news, articles, perhaps the newsletter, somehow when i started to read some news and some doc,it gave me a feeling that i have sooo much to cope up with since im so shallow in sense of my knowledge,my skills, my techniques, understandings...etc. i've started to worry bout my CIMA study dy, but i noe i must and should do well no matter wut, i must be optimistic !!

felt bore with the readings, started with FB again ...haha!!i realized that i could have hardly survive without facebook and perhaps the internet...haha!i was starving but tried to wait until noon time so that i could have lunch with babe if hez coming over..somehow,my feeling of hunger had started my gastric pain,thereby i went to get myself some linguine n bologneise sauce ^^..babe jus gave me a call in a sudden and said that he missed me and wan me..hehe!definitely i felt sweet..^^ i did hope to see him too,and was really happie when he decided to come over!!i missed the time to cook lunch for him, to wash his face and bath with him,and have 'facial session' wit him...hohohoo!!!

anyway, i was very happie when he said the pasta was good!!perhaps i feel happie when others claim it to be nice, but his compliment and recognition will be a significant support to me ^^...i slowly discover that my babe is a very cute and funny person.. he could make me laugh very easily..i love to have such a funny bf to make me laugh..CHICKEN NEHH!!hahaha!!at tat moment, i really hope that this guy could belong with me for the rest of my life ^^ i was really fearful that i might lose him..i dunno why when babe hugged me and kissed my forehead and said that he loves me..i jus teared off..i was very fearful of any bad changes that might happen between us...im very fearful and ignorance to changes,this is CSL..haha!!

after all, i jus sms him..haha!!somehow i feel myself very funny, when hez trying to promise me wutever that im asking for, i hardly take his words for it, but when he nv promise me and jus try to do it at his very best, it causes me an appalling insecurity..hahahaha!!i stil remembering wut my teacher had spoken to me last time,he told me that a good man would not simply promise the person that he loves becos he wouldnt wanna see her with tears if he fails to fulfil the promise..this is wut a real man is!however, he oso said that a real man would keep small promises becos promises keep man of bearing responsibility toward the person that he loves. i totally agree with this. babe seems to have been doing a job as part of a real man, he tot i would angry if he fails to hold on the promise..hahah!it aint the truth,disappointment instead of anger perhaps. somehow, having him to hold on the promise would give him certain level of pressure, but this is wut responsibility is..haha!

sigh..im so eager to have an acoustic guitar...whenever my frens ask me to tel my bf bout it.. my response would be..wut..hahah!wut i could do is jus smiling ^^ there are something that i dare not to say becos i dun hope to pressure him, i have fear now to tell out everything cos he might not forgive me if he angry me, sooner and later i dare not telling him wut i wan, i feel that im so alone to rely on myself for everything,i would feel guilty or having pressures to him even i've told him wut i wan and consequently having a bad time if i've overly demand..aiks..T.T.. i dunno how to say out sometimes..but i really dun hope wut i demand for would ruin our relationship...T_T..i hope to see babe's smile all the time.. i feel really happie and sweet whenever seeing babe to laugh and smile..im really happie when seeing babe happie and with his funny face..he alwis melts my heart when he laughs and smiles so naturally..when he was in anger wit his parents and the college,i really hope that i could be there for him, i hope that im the person that make him smile again, not his frens or wut...>.<...but when i saw him busy replying his frens and smiling on the webcam and i failed to make him smile even i've tried to..tat moment i was mad at myself to have failed..>.<

finally found someone to have und my feeling,hehe..SOOK YEE!!!we are really having the similar probs... i nv expected the similar things happened on her too.. but her case has gone so much further than mine..hehe!!finally i und her tiredness in her relationship.. i finally got the point that she decided to break up with jeremy and gone for joe..^^ however, i wouldnt wan this to happen to me and babe.. and i'l nv give up so easily ..

i wan an acoustic guitar !!

2010-01-06T07:17:00.001-08:00

wake up early in morning..felt my soul got inspired somehow,feeling anticipating for my first ever CIMA class...AW!!

felt quite bore in the morning, so jus cleaned the house..as usual would online and search for some videos.the interest was there to search for some videos at youtube on acoustic covers, these ppl are talented and excellent, i believe they could do or done even much better than the existing stars. perhaps they were jus lack of opportunities in their lives that cause no fame til now, but i believe their improvement would bring success into their lives then. AZA AZA FIGHTING! suddenly felt interested in learning some make up skills, found some tutorial videos and i just followed wut they taught there...i felt quite happie that i was trying to improve myself ^^ the eye part was quite fine to me, as a normal person..haha!i hope i could do even better than ever !

after all, went for a house viewing session, the house is jus nice for a small family like us..but i felt somehow smaller as the one im staying now..however,it'l be good as long as itz comfy ^^ but the agent was a bit funny, why would he request for my permission to call my name, i prefer to be called as Ms Cheong..hahah!!

later, took LRT to attend my class.. was really excited!!!i hav 3 ex coursemates to study with me currently ..happie happie !!!

shout out of the day: I WAN AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR !!

2010-01-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

i cried in the morning..

i sms babe cos today was his college day reopen..felt like giving him some supports and love ^^..but ended up felt sad when playing text with him..i dunno why, i jus tear when the moment i read his reply to me stated that he might not forgive me if i were to make him angry for another time.my mind was jus thinking that if i were to make him angry and not to be forgiven by him, then he might jus break up wit me..tat moment i jus cried out ..haha~~silly me, i was hugging my pillow while stil sleeping on my bed, do u think i could cont wit my dream and sleep?for sure not, then jus woke up and did some households, cleaned the floor, the bathroom and toilet..went to bath and even cried in the bathroom..not until we cont to text each other after my bath..somehow felt better, perhaps i had figured out something ..haha ~~wut a flexible person i am ..kaka!!

i am very happie that hez coming to my place since we've been not seeing each other for like almost 4 days..hehe!!i decided to make him french toast...HK style french toast..this would be my very first time of making it and i noe my babe likes french toast ^^..this makes me even desperate to learn and hope could make a nice one for babe ^^...i hope it could be a very nice and sweet one, though it looks somewhat a bit fail..haha!!but i've tried my best...and i'l nv give up to improve cos babe likes french toast ^^muackz!

salmon spread with cheese and butter ^^ peanut choco butter with honey and condensed milk

michael 5

2009-12-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

hyper depression...

ytd night was a nightmare to me...i couldnt imagine how would i go for my exam on the next day...i was hyper depressed...on my study and also to my babe...sigh ~~i've alwis thinking too much bout us, perhaps this has alwis being a burden to me that i would expect so much from it. i tot i really found someone who i really could take it seriously,and i did!i hope things really going on the right path..i hope everything will be jus a fairy tale story..somehow it happens to be different way in reality.

im a very sensitive person and overworried..but when i hope the person to love me as how i love him. i wanna have a 100% from him, and i would give him, or i've gave him the 100% of me. lately i jus realised that has not been the way that is happening wo...o.O i dunno wut to do cos i feel ambiguity with wut i've expected to happen seems like happening...i noe for sure i couldnt concentrate on my revision and exams, which really driving me insane for this few days...my core day of my life...i've been crying so few days lately...im really sucked up wit the feelings of jealousy and insecurity,low self esteem is attacking me to be even worse to dare myself with the reality.

perhaps age gap could have possibly a barrier for communication....but i believe the lack of communication would have be the primary resource of existence in problems in soon..however, i've tried to bring up the issue so that i wouldnt wanna see any misunderstandings and problems being roll out huge jus becos that we are not willing to share..i have been thinking of this issue all this time, cos i have run out of ideas wut shud i do !!recently i found myself even freaking out when my intrinsic feeling told me that he has ntg to talk to me..HAHA~how can i be laughing???!!!but wut can i do..tatz why i choose to cry instead of standing tough for being so optimistic..haha~~ i really got sucked up when i was really depressing bout my last min exams and hoping so hard for someone to calm me down or to comfort me, at least something sweet or warming, i really expected so much from him, and now i realised that that i shudnt expected so much of that since it got me disappointed if things happen in another way. my bad again for expecting so much ..im stupid!even my frens have been warming me, calling me to support me,calming me by teaching me and guiding me, and i jus expect something sweet from him >.<....i really expected very much ytd and ended up i felt foolish ..haha! from hero to zero, do u noe howz tat feeling?itz like get ya heart frozen and break up with a hammer, thatz the description of it ^^
i noe i was on the heat for the preparation for exams, but will i be able to get rid of all things from my mind and having 100% concerntration for it? impossible for sure!i cried while studying, i cried before i slept, i cried in the bathroom,i felt hopeless and something happened to really seized my confidence away from him...i feel scare and insecure!!im scare to lose him,and im scare to lose the feelings. i need confidence that u really love me, not merely by words. im a suspecting person and radical change doesnt suits me cos i hardly accept changes..kaka~~too much of studying LMC~im a hedger aint a speculator..hahah~~~
i decided to called him up ytd night and told him how i felt, and i was really curious why would he remain silent??sigh...bargaining power of rivalry!!!!perhaps i would have increase the market power in order to enjoy the EOS as to set barriers for new entrants ar..hahahaha~Michael porter 5 forces is really useful, not oni in multinational strategy management, but also in relationship..COOL~however, i noe i shud have apply the SWOT framework to analyse bout myself before applying any models ..sigh~~hedging methods oso need to be considered before implementation of it in order for greatest strategic fit~~

wel,prepare myself to campus today, and i jus wanna call him before my exam started cos i really need someone to comfort me..somehow, i dunno why it comes so naturally of my feeling that i'l really wanna shoot him ..kakkakakaka~~he nv reply my text..>.< how come he alwis not here when i needed him the most arr..>,<...sob sei jor la!!!luckily i din have the feeling to cry when talking to him bout the truth that making me to feel insecure and sucked up..perhaps i noe i have to control my emotions since it was bout an hour to go for the exams..seeing my frens so nervous for the exams, yet i was talking on the hp wit him..perhaps i jus couldnt concerntrate and i act felt nervous too cos i've been poo poo-ing few times since morning >.<

after that saw yuan and HM...while i was walking behind, he suddenly walked beside me and told me that he wanna cry..O.O..wut happened??

frustrating...depression..tension..

2009-12-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

frustrating...depression..tension..

im really freaking out for my exams..whenever i told my babe bout it, he'l jus ask me to stay calm and wut for to scare of,perhaps he dunno why am i feeling this way....itz hard to explain..i keep asking myself why am i working so hard for it?why must i forcing myself to the max for it?itz merely exams, write out the everything i've studied once i got the paper at the exam hall,but isnt it so simple?i doubt not...perhaps it might, im jus complicate everything =.=

wel, i've been not sleeping well lately becos of this exams, even i've tried to sleep early, yet i couldnt get myself sleep tightly or even i would wake up in the middle of the night figuring out bout wut i've studied..itz exhaustive i would say...itz so intense until i couldnt get my period cycle and immune system back to normal..i mean it have been kinda distorted...pressures are from everywhere rather than jus studies...SIGH~

i've alwis been bothered with many things, even jus a little one, i admit. i felt myself like going insane that my mind is jus filled with theories, journal articles, references...etc...the oni thing that gives me some motivation is talking to my babe..sadly, he nv talk much to me...i really dunno wut to do...even when i need support from my babe, i dun see it practical,not even a call to calm me down when im depress...it jus hardly carry me up from the bottom down...i really need someone to carry me along when im depress...i've been fearing of my exams and the unfinished and hardly understandable topics til my tears dropped in way to release my tension..i noe it sounds critical, but im going through this and i cant feel anything from him...

2009-12-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

what a day ~~

i was so anticipated for today's class,LMC, wishing high for the discussion of the case study for our exams from our lect, woke up early in the morning and intended to read up the journals articles. however,my darling gal text me all the way from UK, 2 msg around 5++ morning, sadly i wasn't awake to reply her at tat moment, she seems miserable from her texts. im pretty worry bout her, wut happened??!!possibly regarding her job,the ppl around her, her parents, her bf, not happy with the environment?!!i doubt so since she mentioned that she hope to just fly home O.O.. at tat point i jus felt myself helpless,my opinions are alwis not compatibl with her with her great exposures and lifetime experiences, i wouldn't have a word for her every time when she feels miserable, the oni thing is jus being a listener ^^ i do hope it helps her out <333

after out from the bathroom, another of my secondary ji mui jus nudge me and written there that she've just broke up with her bf!!OMG~~~wut happen to the ppl around me???i have been listening to her story for some time lately and nv expected to be happening so fast O.O...from the moment she told me that she saw this guy through the way of being couple until ended up apart,i jus feel to hug her <333

after all, getting myself prepared for the class. i received a phone call while on my way to take my bus ride to the campus, FY told me that the class was cancelled. DAM IT~why wouldn't i been informed earlier??no phone calls nor text have i received from the college until this moment...SWT~~~somehow, FY jus suggested me whether or not to have a K session wit them?? 'them' here refers to herself and her bf, and the sisters...OMG~~~~i really hope to revenge for her..HOHOHO~~thereby decided to go for a K session to relax for a day ^^ finally i felt that me and FY were somehow one gang today..hahahah~~she told me that ERR wasn't excited when she gotta noe that im joining them ..hoho~~but i noe FY wil be happie since we could see the 'difference' hohoho~~i really could feel it finally !!!jus got annoyed with ERR sometimes.. but overall was happie ^^

i was happie when my babe intended to come over for accompanying me ^^ i din expect to receive his text bout it after i hang on the call ^^ wowowo~~later we all went to IKEA !!im really excited since this was the first time for us to have a walk there ^^ i've been anticipating for such moment long time ago ^^ the feeling was great ^^ hehe.. i felt happie ^^ i really hope that we could have a home that belongs to both of us..i hope can go there another day oni both of us T.T...then we could enjoy talking while during the walk and taking those designs as references,i din expect that we like the similar thing, similar designs, similar tastes in interior design wo.. hehe..i love that bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom, shoe rack, and so many..i jus love the moments <333

we went for a simple high tea..hoho~~even jus simple hot dogs, soft drinks and curry puffs are more than enough to make me happy cos i had my babe and frens wit me..im happy that FY and i were so happy sitting with our partners and chatting..the feeling was really great^^

u noe, when the time Q asked me not to pay back wut they'd spent for us, i felt grateful not becos that i need not to pay for the food, but im relief that how could i have such frens~~~i dun mean that im happie and relief whenever my frens treat me, somehow i jus appreciate their generosity to me, meaning that im worth for my frens to spend their generosity on me!!however, at the same time i jus felt disappointing towards my bf..how could he nv said a thing, not even a thanks!although they are my frens and the food wasn't luxurious kind, but my fren treated US~~i felt so happy that they were trying to think on my shoes, they noe that i cant go home late and intended to fetch me back,Q even offered to spend me and babe K when i said we PK...although i've rejected the offer and itz not a serious thing,somehow it makes me feel my frens treat me even better than my babe to me!!i dislike such feeling, but uncontrollable for its existence that keep inquiring myself why would my bf be like this?! @@...when FY pointed out the question to Q regarding X'mas gift,it jus reminded me that i desire one too since few days ago when yuan asked me to acc him to shop for a watch for his gf as X'mas gift. i was hoping hard that i could some surprises from babe, but seems like he wouldnt if i nv pointed it out to him..when he asked me wut i wan for X'mas gift, i jus couldnt answer him,he might not afford to give wut i wan at this moment and i und it very well, but money jus cant buy love,perhaps luxurious gifts wouldnt be my major choice cos i noe i could work hard to getting it by myself...but when seeing FY and Q with their conversations, not becos of the offer of money of gifts, but the willingness towards the partners is the point here...not even willing to spend me a chicken chop, i would nv forget in the rest of my life!!i feel silly that im saving hard to buy him clothes and he even said tat hez not forcing me but im the one buying for him >.<..

wut i wan for X'mas gift ar...i dunno ..something unique, not so childish since im not little gal anymore, im a young lady ^^mayb not jus an object, but something makes me really surprising and happy and memorize...sigh..i dare not to hope for it cos i dun wanna get disappointed T.T

cut cut ^^

2009-11-30T04:25:00.000-08:00

hehe..

went for a hair cut wit babe today ^^ i was really excited ytd since been few days not seeing babe..really happie to see him.

i'd reached McD bout 10++ to revise for my exam subs. i was alone at McD til babe came around 1++..i was happie though din get to study much , but at least i've und a topic for an answer to one of the question ^^..babe reached, i was really happie that finally my sweetie pie came,somehow i felt guilty when he din intend to have his lunch jus becos he promised me to cut his hair..wel, i jus have a feeling that he did not have the intention for it, yet jus becos i mentioned bout it previous day bout his hair...i knew that i've been forcing him to do many things for me, sometimes i really lost the mood although i noe hez been trying to hard to fulfil wut i wan ...but isnt it meaningless if i were the one to force him for it?sighh...although he wans me to happie but wil he be happie too in tat way?? tatz why i've been telling him that his hair is so short and shudnt been for a hair cut..perhaps i jus hope that he'l have a new hairstyle which makes him looks trendy ^^....i knew that his mom would have said that why couldnt be his aunt to cut his hair, but going to saloon for it... i knew that he'l be in the middle of nowhere..therefore i ended up having a '1 2 JUS' wit him for the final decision ^^kaka.. after the hair cut, i jus felt that i din manage to utilize his RM15 for nice hairstyle.haha~~~he jus trimmed instead of cut...im so worry that his mom would said how come u look similar even after ya hair cut?hahaha...hope his mom nv comment a lot on his hair ^^

uncertainty and worries =.= >.<

2009-11-26T07:45:00.000-08:00

emo for today again >.<

bout 2 more weeks to go for my final exams..this is really the final exams and perhaps ending my student life..partially im feeling happie, awaiting and anticipating for years bout this days, has finally come. on the other hand, im freaking out, this would probably another turning point of my life!not to forget the first day of my coll life, i din manage to attend the orientation or wut, freaking out,but was glad to hav team building activities ^^ finally i met this gal,sharon, which is my darling gf now ^^ i believe in fate, im relief that no matter where we are, we stil keep in touch wit each other..and i feel close even miles apart~~frankly i nv expect to get a true fren for jus a one year foundation course..even we've studied diff course in diff coll, and now we are in diff places with a significant difference in time zone, yet we manage to update wutz happening, or even be the one to alwis turn to when we get stuck.
wel,diploma was really great,fun and happie, relaxing and enjoying even until the moment of examination and submission of cw..badmintons, outings, K-ing, GOSH~~plenty of spare time for activities and life was so happening, at least i have time for sadness and happiness..haha~
however, final year degree has entirely changed the lifestyle, or even ME...i hav a feelin that my maturity level has been enhanced even better, and i really would think for myself and even for the situations~~i've learned so much other than merely academy, even my relationship could have taught me so much and even shaped up my personalities indeed. i've become realistic nowadays, knowing wut the necessity of the society and trying to adopt wit the norm of it, consequently reshaping up my mindset at the same time.sadly,the intention of accomplishing isnt been stimulated, or perhaps it has been slowing down...hmm..i believe degree is not as easy as others assume to be..intensive, subjective, precriptive...so wut bout professional studies??!!!OMG!!!im freaking out~anyway, no matter wut i'l pay no mercy for it ~~jus give it a damn~YEAH~
the turning point, i really hav no idea how would i gonna make it to succeed or when would it achieve my desires...i've been obsessed with freedom since 15 or 16, i think ..hehe~~i alwis assume that graduation day would be the starting day of rebellious life..ngek ngek~i have the knowledge, i have the ability, i have the money, i have the authority for negotiations now..hehe~~but when comes to this moment,it posted some inquiries to me again when resistance came up to me @@..the major gigantic prob to me is, my family is being resistance when come to acceptance and adoption of changes, in fact itz the reality. itz is understandable whereby elderly need longer time for acceptance and adoption with change, or perhaps they intend for evolutionary approach,however, my impatience are more eager towards a radical change, and even i realized that evolutionary approach isnt working.somehow,im feeling uncertain wit wutz gonna happen next after my graduation..i wan my life, but is it jus as easy as sayin it out??sometimes,i feel weird of why shud i struggling so much jus to stand tough to fight for living in my own way?isnt this my right to live my life as i wan to? why shud i do something to please them in order to gain the opportunity and authority to live my life??isnt this ridiculous?why shud i ask for a permission for it?i have my right to be responsible towards my own life isnt it?im really pissed off when my dad and sis dun intend to listen to wut im saying, my perspectives of thinking,and jus jumped to the conclusion that im naive and im stil acting like young kid~GOSH~~~perhaps they dun even noe something that i knew it!!they are subjective and prejudicial, whereby forever living in their own lifestyle and expecting others to adopt it~come on, i hav my own perspectives and there are things it nv come to the compliance wit my views and yet i MUST accept it without the right to voice out my opinions..come on, father or older doesnt mean alwis right and good foo me...i've fulfiled wut u've been hoping for bout 22 years since young..im not interested wit study, but i noe the oni way to get rid of the situation of being looking down of others is through education in order to upgrade the standard of living. fortunately i do have something i really love and appreciate so much for giving me to having close connection wit music!!itz the greatest of my life that i could hav the chance to learn and play it,which is alwis the greatest moment in my life ^^..i've studied a course that in agreed with ya recommendation, the numerical and theoretical study life really brought me into struggle at the beginning,happily that i have a gang of great buddies wit me for the entire learning process until reaching to the finish line ^^ and now the working life,would i have my authority to choose wut kinda company that i favour for, the places...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!i really hate it to worry so much when things havent even happen, but i hav no idea for how long to go for me to stand tough and fight for my wants...perhaps a normal happie life with a highly stable job at a MNC, having sweet time wit family and bf during spare time and live in this way for the rest of my life..or to experience something fantastic, at least for once of my lifetime to have no regrets..something contingent...sigh~~~

im so freaking out that if they dun accept my request and wut wil happen to me next?or wut wil i do with the intensity???

cool me~~

2009-11-23T03:18:00.000-08:00

sigh....

life is so miserable and happenings..keke~~jus have some intention to blog out bout my life ^^

first of fall, bout my study..sigh, everything has made me in anxiety, they jus came the previous week and informed us regarding the new exam formats..>.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WAvykqCZYM0/Swp3El66RII/AAAAAAAAAE8/EoPynVQb5_M/s1600/DSC02226.JPG"> wut u looking at o??hehe.. im in front of u neh~~>.<
watz that???cappuccino eh... how come like not thick one..hahahahah~
nice ar???tel me tel me...later i wana taste osoo...=P

how jek????hahaa...see ya face oso ...kakaka~~i better dun drink..=D

nice or not???bitter??

conclusion : he no comment =.=.....SWT ~~~~act i jus snap all the pics at diff time and i realised it could be made in sequence o.O...hahah~~COOL ME~~muackz ~

not a moment of silence

2009-10-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

WOWOW...not enough of K time~~

i felt worth it even i've spent half of my day doing nothing bout my assgt, but having time wit them ^^ tat day i felt of singing so eagerly and decided to ask ling out for K session. who noes her fren invited her in advance and we ended up with a decision of having 3 couples for this K session..wowowo~3 couples!anticipation of it, of all weekdays of assgt and exam revision, finally FRI has make my life ^^ however, babe jus told me that he couldnt make it since he was kinda broke, my response was .....despite i tried calming down my emotions to be understanding and think on his situation, somehow i couldnt, not even a moment, perhaps i got fed up and frustrating with these happening repeatedly, and he jus had my words, i jus shoot it without bothering his feelings...COOL~~~~~first time ever for CSL that not been bothered by anything...im improving..keke~however, when he intended to figure out to resolve the prob, it felt guilty..hahaha~~but i din get bothered wit it and continue for my ridiculous emotional request..kekekek~

the day has come, itz FRIDAY~YEAH~~~~i was pretty nervous at first, since we've been hanging out usually with ling and lui, but not kayson and YK...furthermore, im doubtful how would babe response to their status once he noes it...wowo~unexpectable he was pretty fine with it and even trying to hav fun wit us!!!COOL~~~i've make a new fren today-kayson^^ first impression was this guy is CUTE!i mean CUTIE PIE~~i would say his behaviours oppose to babe, so itz galish , my statement for it would be^^ but i've got another ji mui perhaps ^^
in fact, today was the first time ever kayson having K session wit his darling, YK..hoho~~as well as me wit them too ^^ i nv agree to wut ling told me previously bout YK that he was a screamer instead of singer, even not until i've heard it wit my own pair of ears !!!HUA KAO~~~typical screamo, but perhaps this is his style of singing and his tonality and voice control are in this method, so jus remain no comment ^^finally i believe why ling enjoys having K session wit me..hehe!!

the cutest thing was when ling got pissed off that lui failed to cover off his screamo loud voice and ended up hearing nothing of his singing, yet he's tried and failed with speechless tone but wanting to eat the mic off...kakakak~~i'l nv forget that picture of moment in front of me that made me kept laughing...they are competing for voices...COOL~~

although i din manage to sing a song duet with my babe, somehow i felt really great that my babe was there wit me while i had fun time wit my frens, isnt it the best thing to have ??hehehe
unfortunately fun time was nv long lasting and jus ended up in bout 3 hours, we decided for a bowling session, for a 3 couples frenly match..OMG~~~are u kidding me??frenly match on bowling??swt~~~~~i really hope i wouldnt be the spoiler to babe cos my target is alwis to get more than 50..kakakka~~however. it seems that i've improve today ^^..although not being the first team to lead, who cares cos it was so much laughters and joy in there ^^

later me and babe went for a game of pool playing..wowoow!!this is wut i like, pool!!not to be forgotten, ARCADE ^^ felt tiring and enough for the day, then met up wit them for yum cha session. they were there after buying movie tickets, joined them for a chat ^^ LING, i wil nv forget liverpool and man u ...kakakak!!!chatting is nice when consensus is found in the group, therefore itz fun and funny ^^at least not a moment of silence ^^

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change

2009-10-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change..

i totally agree with this statement that i've read from a book while revising on the subject of learning and managing change, a subject of my course. i pretty interested into this sub since it talks bout the implementation change and other strategic managements in organizations. the topics were though for the application in corporations, some are seems to be applicable in life too~i've alwis having my time in figuring out wut the authors meant by their words...GREAT~~ ^^

back to the statement, perhaps my thoughts of it would be partially satisfying, somewhat there are ppl who alwis been hurt by their love one, yet they nv give up!!it happens with the 2 folks that stay as my neighbour next door, im pretty sure they love their son very much. i've never seen him talking in a nice tone with his parents since we moved in when i was still having fun time at kindergarden. could u imagine that for years he has been 'yelling' at them..the mother would rather asked for help from my dad for fetching her to the place that she wanted to instead of her son...HOLY~wut is he been doing as a son???i have been witnessing for N times that hez been scolding them, yelling at them, very loudly until i could heard it from my bathroom...OMG~~they are old, undeniable, and even if they would have treated him badly during his childhood, arent they deserve a life like wut they are experiencing now??even im jus an observant, would feel harsh and sympathetic to them, how would he even treated them like this???i wouldnt picture how they live under the same roof....the father is having Parkinson disease and the mother has been having problem with her leg...sigh~~could u imagine that the son even yelled at them to switch off the alarm when the alarm of the house stayed on after the recovery of the electricity?could u picture that he even hon them with himself sitting inside the car???how would i wish could throw a big rock onto his car...kekek~~
somehow, wut i wanna say is they nv get fed up even he treats them so badly, all becos of love, that makes a connection among them, and they nv give up onto him...he shud be relief~~

for me, i've been wondering whether or not i'l change if something do make me got hurt deeply. it could be accumulations of the feelings that hurting me continuously...perhaps i'l then consider bout having a slight change, or even a transformational change..hehe~

stress yet happie

2009-10-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

wowo...stress yet happie ^^

woke up pretty early in the morning...was kinda blur, slept pretty early ytd night though, felt tiring, perhaps din sleep well during the night due to tension...woke up for the preparation of food for my lovely frens ^^ was pretty happie while making the pasta, but nervous at the same time cos how would they response to it rite...kakakak~~really anticipating for their feedback...I NEED IT~~kaka~~cos it bothers me...kekeke~

anyway, reached their house, they jus woke...hahah~~lazy bum bum, but then they slept at the time when i woke up ..OMG~~happie when they share funny and cute videos wit me...i noe that they were trying to release my stress, trying to have a warming time wit me...hahahah~~they then started to eat my pasta...OMG~~~~~~~~~ling likes the sauce...kekek~~my self-homemade bologneise sauce nehh..kakakak~~and i was saying and kept bla bla bla that my babe alwis dun eat this one, dun eat that one...kaka~~~when i said my babe asked me not to put tomatoes, spring onion or pepper, i'l put even more then ..purposely sumore...hheheheheh~~~HL remained silent...konon nia he oso like that..hahah...dislike tomatoes..kkakakak~~~no wonder he remain silence oo..kakakakak~

no matter how hard they've tried to release my stress, somewhat i stil felt stress cos of my own study and assgt, and of cos im worried bout my babe, his exam today~~i hope he could do it well...^^ but dun hope to tension him or wut, therefore jus sending a simple sms to him .. ^^

after that, i felt better with the talks and laughters, then having a really great session wit ling...gals are alwis happie when comes to shopping, make up, things that making ourselves feel better and more confidence...hahah~~~we really laughed a lot..cos the first try out was...KAKAKAKKA~~she even said horrible, but jus bcos of the gel eyeliner, and we were laughing there for so long until the gel became dry little...and tat gal has a supeerb single...COOL~~sorry to say that..but this is her unique, that i felt really happie to make a single eyelid make up so nicely ..AW~~~with the glittering silver gel eye shadow, the eye brown, the foundation cream, the blusher...and last but not least the fake eye lashes...woww~~the peak of the make up session..hehe~~~i hope she could look really gorgeous on the day itself...hehehe~~my fren, our masterpiece...YEAH~~~i shud have drawn together wit her, so that we would be looking ugly together..kakakaka~~~
at the mean time, babe called me up , he wanted to share wit me that he passed the exam~~tat moment i really had nothing to say...i jus hope to hug and kiss him...i felt really happie ~~i felt as if we've overcome something together and he'd done it ...finally he've tried it successfully ...something that he tried and the result came out to be wut it would be for the effort...i hope he could carry on his determination and hope this success would bring motivation and confidence into his study life.. ^^ u make it babe~~u can do it babe~~muackz~

btw, i really like the green tea that u've made for me..itz real nice ~~i love it~~and the fried yam stick...wowo~~i think ubi kentang wil be nicer..kakakk~and the pasta aint as healthy as u guys think, cos i put much butter for the cooking..hahahha~~

muackz~~i love u babe, i love u guys..my lovely frens ~

CSL is stupid and silly

2009-10-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

I HATE IT~~~~ i really hate it ~~

i dun like to ask so much...why wouldnt u tel me instead of me asking u so many questions? isnt this sharing ? or merely asking and answering ? somehow, i would say i dun like this way.... cos it makes me feel as in im jus nothing to u , or like not part of ya life..haha~~i noe im way too demanding...but when i give my heart to u , i hope to have ya heart in the same way too...

i was so glad that u intended to call me, out of the blue, u intended to share ya probs wit me...tat moment i felt really sweet although u were kinda pissed off..haha~at least u choose to share wit me...THIS IS WUT I WAN~

but then i really made an inquiry whether u'l tel me wut happen or not.. i noe for sure u'l tel me if i asked...so i decided not to throw the question to u at first, and waited whether u'l tel me by yaself or not.. and i realised that u din even bother to tel me bout tat not until i've pointed out the question..kakakak~~CSL is too smart ~~COOL~~although i noe it was a really great day of having outin wit buddies, tatz why i was happie for him too ^^...perhaps itz a way to release his tension wit his bros....but i jus feel somehow quite pissed off, why would he choose to hav great outing wit his buddies instead of me? sometimes, i've been hoping to have some excitements and adventurous in my relationship instead of jus ......

somehow, i feel myself so stupid and silly jus for worrying him so much... caring him so much...CSL is stupid and silly ~~hahaha~

heart aching man ~~

2009-10-12T09:11:00.001-07:00

i knew wut i wanna do once i got up from my bed early in the morning..^^

perhaps i'd figured out something out of the blue...i shudnt be bothering so much..i've been overworried, no doubt im like that... i shud go for it..jus go for it without bothering so many things...i shundt have complicate things..^^~~~i think i would live a happier and better quality of life in this way~~^^

anyway, was really happie cos i've saw tat bottle last week...i jus planned to get something for my babe as a little pressie..i duno why...perhaps u may say how could u be like this as a gal..but i jus wanna treat my babe good and this is wut i feel like doing it for him..I DUN CARE...i jus wanna get him tat things...hehee~~i've bought him a chelsea water bottle and a bottle of adidas perfume..^^~~~i love tat smell of the perfume, tatz why was out of expectation and i bought it additionally ...^^ i hope babe wil like it ^^
well, was moody after this once i got into the class...i was totally hoping hard that my ethics lect would guide us for our cw question, but sadly he jus informed HM that class has been cancelled..i was upset and kinda pissed off cos i came all the way jus for tat class...DISAPPOINTED~~
wel, went makan wit frens, yum cha, chit chat...but stil felt moody, dunno why ...perhaps i feel really stress up and anxious wit my study !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!helpless~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyway, i choose to be retarded for a night...i've been playing FB...and chatting, listening..and finally i've made something that makes me happie~~~YAPPY~~~~

this is the pressie of perfume that im gonna give him tomoro..^^ i've written msg that i hope to tel him , alwis telling him, i've told him..hehe~~~~

share wit me

2009-10-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

wow..i've improved..hoho~~

missionary, but i was the one that had control..hoho~~~YEAH~~i've improved~finally i realised how tiring was it to have control over the process even it was half way through..hoho~~well, this was the longest day i've spent wit him at home..it makes me realised how nice would it be to see the one u love once u open ya eyes in the morning, having someone u love to hug u as a comforter even if u are freezing, having someone to hug u when u are crying...itz pretty great to stay wit the one u love so much ...

anyway, ytd talked so much wit a fren at class...i felt kinda better after talking to him, perhaps im jus being overworried over future, where things are unforeseeable and without my control range, furthermore i shud simplify things rather than making it even more complex...but i just couldnt cnotrol at some time and some points i would jus start cracking my mind...
[
there are too much worries that have been bothering me...i started wit total confidence and bravery for any problems, i tot i would be able to solve everything out of the misery and being under control and i'l do it right, do it well...who noes thing doesnt seem to be like this..there are even more problems which are unexpectable and making me into predicaments, i have no idea how and what would be the solutions out of it, i hav no idea how long would i be standing tough on in believing myself that i could make it right, fortunately wit my frens' support that keeps my passion and enthusiasm alive to carry on without giving up so easily... i've been trying so hard to put myself into his shoes and think from his perspective yet i feel myself helpless cos i dun even noe how could i help him..i feel miserable when seeing him being suffered with many problems..perhaps he din bother or not willing to share it out wit me since he wouldnt wan me to worry for him, but i could feel it that he has been trying hard to improve, to solve things out, to bear wit it with open heart, it makes my heart ache whenever seeing him like this...i really hope that he'l share wit me everything...jus dun keep wit himself ..pls~

he carried me ^^

2009-10-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

wut a day...wowowo~~~so happening~~~

i forced myself to wake up from bed early in the morning to sms him ..i noe the feeling of being sent a sms of support from the love one...the feeling is jus so sweet~~perhaps he might not have such a feeling, but to me, i jus love to do it for my bf...jus a cheer up and supports for my bf before his exams ^^ after that, i felt my nostrils were clogged and went to wash off...who noes it jus bleed..sigh~~i din notice tat the blood was dripping while i was walking back to my room...oni when i saw the blood dripped on my paper...YEEEE~~

really happie and anticipating wutz gonna happen among us in the K room...i tot it would be real great ^^ met a fren at bank, wel, shud be ex teacher...he looks great now, and even being more talkactive than previously...hez sociable now ^^ great thing ^^ well, waited for him quite some time at the bus stand, i felt pist off, but once i saw him , i felt ntg when he explained to me.. ^^
recently felt really BROKE that i got tight up wit my financial probs....sighhh~~~i've been spending so much ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~i noe itz all my own fault, i cant be blaming anyone, sometimes i put questions to myself, isit worthwhile for spending those money???i dun even noe the answer, but i jus realised that i've been spending so much after being together wit him...i realised that gals are typical...i hope to look good so that he could be proud to have such a nice gf..somehow, it needs a lot of money for it ~~~~I AM SO BROKE~~ and i think i cant be going anywhere for this coming few weeks...i cant even be eating ...perhaps jus eat at home...cos i hav A LOT to cover...im getting into trouble...DAM IT~~~i hav so much to cover back ...T.T...i think i need to learn for being selfish..hohoho~~

anyway, we were late to K cos of waiting for the bus...reached the destination at last....everything seemed to be alright until i felt something was not going right...i started to be helpless at tat moment...i dinno wut to do...he wasnt looking great and not even talking to me, not even bother to reply me or look at me or us when we talked to him...GOSH~~wutz happening???can anyone tell me wut happen ???OMG~~~~we felt somethingz wrong, i felt lost and dinno wut shud i be doing, until he left the room...OMG~~~ling ling and lui lui were worried too, and i walked out of the room to search for him...i saw him sitting all alone at the staircase...he looks miserable...i guessed that i must had done something hurtful or unpleasant to him until he felt this way.. i could even felt that hez quite upset from his eyes...were all red....i dinno wut to do or to say either..i jus wanna hug him tightly~~~i felt scare at the same time too..i really hope that he'l tel me my mistake so that i would nv repeat the same mistake to hurt him..but he looked so miserable and speechless..and i tot it would be something really unpleasant that hit his boiling point !!i was way too forcing him where he jus din feel to sing, i shy him away when he refused to it few times after i'd asked him for it, i went to enjoy wit my frens and kept him being alienated aside.....i think not oni this, there shud be much more, but he din say out wut was it jus bcos i think itz helpless to say it out since i'd done all these to him, and itz too late to say it out after it had happened...my heart was aching after knowing that my babe wasnt happie wit all these and i made him even more uncomfortable, my thoughts were so confused and lost until i couldnt controlled my tears...i tried not to cry every time when we were on a heat, but im jus a cry babe...my tears would jus drop whenever i feel sad T.T
i felt sad to see him being so miserable..
i felt heart aching that i made my babe suffered..
i felt worried bout my babe not telling and sharing me his thoughts and feelings even he wasnt happie..
i felt helpless that i couldnt make my babe happie..
i was afraid to see my babe in anger..
i felt failure cos i couldnt make my babe release his pressure and unhappiness after a lousy exam day..
i felt guilty that i alwis pressure my babe..

i jus feel somehow that im such a demanding person that makes my babe's life in misery...i jus wondering is my babe happie to be wit me since i've been requesting for so many things...most importantly, im alwis worry that wil my babe give up on our relationship cos of being too pressured?i couldnt imagine how would i be if my babe was gonna give up on me!!!!!and i am alwis afraid wutz gonna happen to us once i graduate and enter into my career lifetime??sighhh....wut fy said was true...dun be pessimistic and alwis overworried bout the future since things are not under our control...jus enjoy the moment!!!i think i shud be like this rather than thinking wutz would probably happen in future and thinking for the solution from now on...sighh~~~WHY AM I BEING SO OVERWORRIED????

anyway, i felt lovely whenever hez trying to stop my tears....at least he would hug me whenever i cry...this is wut i wan my bf to be...to be there for me when i feel sad...and he managed to do it ^^ sometimes i jus wonder wut if he nv bother to care bout me when i cry in front of him cos hez been bore wit it dy...haha~~i hope he'l not >.<.....and one thing i would like to say here, cybercolour gel eye liner is good cos my make up nv get blurred off even i cried like nobody business...i strongly recommending tat eye liner cos itz really waterproof ^^ wowo...nv regret of buying it...hohoho~~
i really could feel that we love each other so much cos we alwis wanna see each other live a happy life.. and we're trying hard to fulfil each other to be happie ^^ this is the main reason that i'l nv give up on him.....even when i knew that he wasnt doing quite well in his exam or might not even pass good in the exam, i'l nv give up cos i noe things wil be great if we put effort together to work things right...i wont give up on my babe because we love each other~~i wil not help him, but to assist him to achieve his success ^^ this is wut true love is, to overcome all probs together and nv give up so easily ^^

by the way, he carried me at his back ~~~~~~~~~~YEAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~this was the very first time he carried me successfully..from the staircase along the corridor until the room ..keke~~~~the feeling was really great cos this was the first time for me being carried by my bf at public!!!itz so sweet to me~~~cos it makes me feel that we jus live in our own world of two without bothering wut others would think bout us...NICE~~~~~I LOVE IT~~but i think hez got freaking tired of it...kakakka...wit my weight...hoho~~hez gonna break his arms man~~HAHAHAHA~~sadly he has no choice cos his my babe...kakaka~i think ling ling and lui lui must be curious wut happened to us...kaka~~went out in serious mode and came back wit sweet mode..hahhaah~~im so happie that he intended to ask me for a duet...T.T~~~~~i noe he wasnt willing to sing..but my babe wan me to be happie ^^ he jus decided to do it for me ^^ muackz~~~the feeling and atmosphere weree totally 360 radical changed ^^ one thing i shud say is THX a lot to my lingling cos she was there for me, although she din do or say a thing, but jus an eye contact and a warm hand made me feel contented tat i hav my fren and babe together at the same time...she jus consoled me wit her warm hand touched on me before things gone to be so happie ^^

after all, everything was in a funny mode...lui lui is the pirated MJ~~~hohohoh...furthermore, hez a great whistler ~~~WOWOWO~ COOL~~~~~and my babe sings so lovely to me...hehe ^^hez alwis lovely to me ^^

we'd chatted so much today, in the bus, in McD, at the street while waiting for bus, at MSN, webcam...i really hope that my babe would nv give up and work things right TOGETHER wit bibi...bibi doesnt hope to see babe give up even itz tough like hell...no matter how tough it is, bibi will alwis be by babe side and nv give up cos bibi loves babe so much and nv wanna lose babe in bibi's life T.T

my babe is so cool~~

2009-10-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

babe is soo cool...HEHE~

felt really happie although i lost much of money..haha~~i mean i used quite much money for today... bought some new prods for my skincare...OMG~~~i felt sobs after knowing that the previous prods that i'd bought not suiting my skin..and my skin even got dampened now...SAD SAD~~~wasted the money for those items and yet i've to pay even more money for the maintenance and repairing treatment ...sighhh~~~i shudnt have take her words for it....AIKSS~~but everything was too late ...luckily i wasnt too late as i managed to bring things back to normal or even better though money has been jus gone in this way..

anyway, the happiest thing was we played badminton ~~~AWAWAW~~~it was such a great day to have a badminton session wit him and lingling and lui lui...for being frank here, i have not expect much from him, not a way to say that i put down on him, jus that the higher the expectation , the higher of disappointment wil be..hehehe~~anyhow, i was really impressed wit how he played...GORGEOUS~~i jus love it....so tough~~so strong~~and SOO MANLY~~ AW AW AW AW~~~i felt even greater when howe complimented on him..hahhaa~~~im realistic, nv deny....GOSH~~feel so great that i realised we could click in diff ways...i am really happie that i could shop wit my babe, i could play badminton wit my babe, i could sing K wit my babe, i could watch movies wit my babe...i wish i could eat 'siu mai' together wit my babe and walking along the street...haha~although everything seems to be not romantic for a young couple tat are supposed to be, but i jus feel it needs a balance for ideally romance and daily reality..i wish we could share our lives wit each other, for a long lasting relationship ^^

sob sob ~~

2009-09-26T08:40:00.001-07:00

thx for everything...

so happie to meet him up...and finally i met my surprise..haha~~baby donald~~AW~~itz soo cute....i really need to apologise to him cos i blamed him previously for not understanding me, but i realised that it wasnt all this fault too after some time, i was wrong too ^^

anyway...it was a nice day, getting the chance to meet him up in personal, had a great day wit him, although it was jus a few hours, but things seemed to be really fascinating...happie to be wit him even it was jus a moment...the feeling was mesmorize...^^

however, talked to my fren after some time at night, was kinda worried after listening to her advice...was pretty worried bout my period this few days...i felt pain but not period yet..hmm~~~perhaps something makes me feel worried here...perhaps we shud take better precautionay step..cos i am EXTREMELY worry...although i trust him at all..but i wil stil request for 100% safety for myself and oso to him....i do not wanna feel scary and worry after sex...this isnt the way to be..i wanna enjoy SAFE SEX instead of drinking so much herbal tea and eating so much pineapple....AAAARRRGH~~~no one unds my worries...sob sob~~~

finally....PAIN~

2009-09-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

ITZ PAIN~~~severe pain~~

anyway, was really happie cos i was trying to prepare lunch for us..haha~~although it was jus a very simple rice wit cucumber, crab meat and omelet with some seaweed since i was trying to make sushi and those rice was left additional , somehow it tastes great ^^

it was our second try, and finally succeeded ^^ but the result was PAIN~i teared twice bcos it was so pain until my vagina wall got stretched and kinda bleed..OMG~~~how could my first time experience to be like this, SOB ~i tot it shud be exciting and fascinating..kaka~~~~finally i und why some ppl would say first time experience isnt so great...i jus felt PAIN~~~

4 vs 1

2009-09-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

HE LOST~~hahahaha~

OMG~~~today was really fantastic~im feeling soooooooo happie cos i hav both frens and bf to be wit me at the same time, which i've been alwis love it to ^^thx to them for giving me such a wonderful day ~~ ^^wake up in the morning, realized that my eyes were kinda swollen since i cried many times the day before..however, it seemed to be getting better wit the essence and moisturizer going on it ..went to one u to hav K time ..YEAH~~~i wasnt in the mood at first since many things happened the day before..i called him up and was glad that hez coming over to meet me ^^

while waiting at the bus stand, i saw SK was waiting there too ^^YAY~~someone's there to accompany me all the way to one u in the bus..hehe ~we chit chat while waiting for the bus..really happie havent been meeting her for ages..and we're gonna rock the K room down today ~~NGEK NGEK NGEK~~reached there and shopped for a while before everyone reached.i was really glad that everyone wasnt feeling shy to sing it out loud ^^ after some time, he reached too..really glad that hez willing to spend time wit my frens although i noe this would be another time for him being bore there..kakak~~~but i noe u wouldnt leave me alone cos u noe i love singing ~muackz~ but it was really fun to see a guy being bullied by 4 GALS~~hohoho~~~anyway, i really hope that u'l sing songs to me one day...^^ how lovely it would be that ya bf singing songs to u ...aw aw aw ~~~after that, jus went for bowling session...wowowowo~~it was really great cos lingling and SK were really great...kakak~~sorry darling that U LOST~~kekekekekekekek~~~and im really happie that i got 50 finally the second game...YESH~~~i passed ~~YEAH~~~i was really happie that lingling managed to get so well wit him, they seemed like cat and dog chasing each other...kakak~~how lovely it is that both my BF (boy fren and best fren) get so well together...im really glad ~~ I LOVE YOU GUYS~~

last but not least, i realized that my hidden talent isnt bowling...kakakakak~~

im sorry

2009-09-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

i jus need time to accept it..

it was a very happening day to me, ups and downs, but i wasnt feeling any happie after the incident..why???i wake up in the morning, i was really happie that he'l be coming to my place.. i noe everything wil be going really great ^^ this was our 2nd seduction~~kakak ~ i was so in the mood to try out with the sushi..i noe im a noob in boiling rice, i watched videos from youtube to learn how to make sushi rice correctly , how to make MAKI.. i was really excited to make him my very first MAKI, hez the first person to taste it...

i was happie that he ate all of it although it was kinda..ermmm~~the rice was really soft, and the shape of the MAKI wasnt in a shape i would say..hehe~wel, everything was going soooooooo great and good, we were both felt excited on the bed...but wit something that he said to have left me into speechless..

me and my gf last time oso like this one.. having sex wit condom means hez stil a virgin..hmm, then i'l be a virgin until i get married wit my future husband if i've been using condom to have sex wit all my bf..is this wut u are trying to tel me?
wel, i wouldnt get so frustrated if he's told me the truth instead of manipulating the truth...i could tell here that I TOTALLY DISLIKE IT AND IT MATTERS ME, trying imagine that im comparing him with other guys, wel, this wouldnt be a good thing to him and tatz why i dare not to do it to him...however, wut he said was really matters me deep down in my heart..sense of being cheated even made me to be speechless..i was really excited tat moment no until he said that...my feeling jus made as if 'pls do not touch me'.....i tried to control my emotions so hardly, i tried to get my mood back as fast as possible, i tried not to reveal my feelings, but my mind wasnt there for some time, even he's done wut i've been hoping all this while, but the 'i love you' jus being said at the wrong timing...to me, saying i love you in such a distance is such a wonderful thing, but i din feel anything, even stunned for a while until he asked me whether im fine or not..i noe im a spoiler to have ruined everything, I DO HAVE EMOTIONS!i've controlled not to say out everything cos i noe he'l feel bad for sure, and i noe myself well, my words are cruel and harsh, i chose to tel nothing even he's asked me so many times..but i could felt that he wasnt in the mood ady, but i tried so hard to bring things back cos i noe my response had spoiled everything until he left me alone there, i felt sucks and cried out...why was everything going until like this??i ady felt sad cos i felt hez somehow cheated, FINE, i tried hard to calm myself down so that i could control my temper well, i knew that i've ruined his mood for everything, i even tried to talk nicely to him, but i nv expected that he would leave me there, and made me felt that im such a spoiler and loser in life~~~why are all my efforts not working right???i felt angry and sad at the same time, all this emotions pushing my tears dripping from my eyes...i kept questioning myself why has the one i loved so much treated me like this????others could treat me but NOT HIM for sure~~~although we promise nv mention bout it, however i have a very good memory~i tried to stop crying bcos i noe that he wouldnt be happie to see me crying so sadly..furthermore, he's trying to console me.

luckily all this had not last long, everything ended so funny for the day..haha~however, he's left, i went for a bath..for quite some time until i've alienated his calls.. i was crying again in the bathroom... i kept asking myself, why would i be so bother wit this thing?perhaps i havent been loving him deeply until i could accept everything of him including his past...i feel even sad when i found myself hav kinda losing faith onto him...

im sorry for everything..

tough task ~~

2009-09-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

where shud i begin...hmm, lots to tel even few days had jus passed..

ytd was a really happening day to me..his first day of coll, excited to hear from him bout his coll life, hope he's a great time there..^^ however, i planned to sing k wit yuan and fy..suddenly yuan jus sms telling me tat hez bringing his gal along..wowowo~~of all sudden, WL even told me that hez coming over to meet me since his class ends up early...OMG~~~i was sooooooooo happie and this really surprised me ~HEHE~~i was glad cos he intended to come and find me, i felt so touched..^^ he even spent time to sing K wit my frens, but i was really worried that they couldnt click well since he might got bored off wit those chinese songs..hehe~~somehow, i felt so nice when i could hold his hand and wit his hugs while singing love songs..tatz why i stayed strong to not let him go when he wanted to go off, cos i jus wanna be selfish for him to be by my side although i noe he was quite bored..kakakakka~~somehow, i felt kinda guilty and sorry towards FY since both yuan and me were having our partners there, enjoying our sweet time, but she was alone without her darling ..awww~
somehow, i've done something real selfish, i decided to went for a walk wit WL rather and agreed to leave FY alone at MPH...aw~~i was quite worried to let her going home alone by cab...aiksss~~dilemma~~

wel, everything going so fine until at night, he's gone kinda moody without telling me why , somehow i jus felt that he wasnt happie wit something, or perhaps got pist off wit something, but i jus have no idea wut was it, merely guessing and worrying, but he seemed having no confidence wit himself...i jus felt somehow he's trying hard to improve himself to fulfill me...wowow~~but i jus couldnt und why was he so moody last night..

anyhow, he jus sms me that he missed me and wanna chat wit me, tat moment i really wanna noe wut happen initially although i noe he might not wanna talk bout it anymore...heheh~~but i jus wanna noe was there anything i've done wrongly..heheh~~seemed like he was pretty great today..hahah~~i was happie when he really sms me asking which bus suppose to be going to one u...wowoow~~~although i was pretty tiring after 2 lectures of heavy subs, somehow i felt really great to lean on his shoulders when i was so tiring...^^really felt so beloved when someone so care of myself...i nv expected that he could be spending 3 hours alone at the shopping mall waiting for my class to end...hahah~~silly boy even trying to play tat 'picking-on-a-doll' game to get a doll for me..hahaha~~but ended up wit RM5 wasted...kakka~somehow i felt tat hez so cute..haha~~

while on the day back home, his dad was calling him and IM GONNA MEET HIS DAD UP...OMG~~~totally a tough task for me~~~i was anxious for sure... but i told myself to stay calm..hehe~~we went for a meal..everything seems fine and i hope his dad would like me ^^

he loves my G string ^^

2009-09-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

AW AW AW ~~~he loves my G string ~~HEHEH

i was kinda excited in the morning cos i noe im gonna tell him a very long story, i've planned to tell him everything, i was really glad that i could told him everything bout my life, my family , my feelings....until i cried in front of him, i felt so secured and pleased when he consoled me with his hug, he told me that was the past and no more happening dy, although i noe it'l stil be happening around, somehow i felt really sweet that he said it to me in such a way.

i nv expect it to rain in the noon cos it was quite sunny in the morning, somehow we jus stayed at the room, and he likes my G string...hahah~~wel, hez pretty GOOD , i would describe it as..hahah~~I JUS LOVE HIS CHEST , SHOULDER AND ARMS~~i love it sooo much... i think im gonna miss it for long~~

after that, we went one u for lunch and hang out. we even went for a bowling session after lunch. i felt really worried and anxious since i've fall down on the bowling lane ytd at the same location, but he seemed so happie in playing it, of cos i would play wit my darling ^^ but i really couldnt relax myself cos there were quite lot players over there, and my lane was jus straight to the counter...after 2 games, jus went for a pool~~WOWOW... not bad~~hehe~~after all, we went for a walk...this was the first time i went window shopping !!!!i love it soo much~~~this was the first time that i put on the clothes and showed it to him~~~WOWOW~~~furthermore, im happie that he even chose clothes for me to try on~~~i noe i wasnt wearing very nicely and pretty, but the feeling is my bf choosing the clothes that he likes and put them onto me~~~HEHEHEHE~~~itz sweet to me...happie and excited to see his response after putting on the dress fit and walking out from the fitting room.. tat moment was really happie to see his response ~

something to share bout, im seriously very happie when he said to hav a family and make our kids to have a good environment for life...OMG~~U ARE SOO SWEET~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i love u ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~muackzz~~~~
im happie too when he said to buy a BIKINI set for my bday...hahahah~~~AWAWAWA~another thing was im happie if he was to buy me any lingeries whenever he thinks of me..kakak~~~~

i love u darling~~

fall in love with G string

2009-09-03T04:24:00.000-07:00

so happeningggg~~~~

went out with ling today..wowow~~although it was simple but very happie cos we've been ages not hanging out gather, bowling sumore~~YEAH~~~this was the first time we both playing bowling, the feeling was really great...OUR FIRST TIME..hahaa~~i would rmb our first time in my life ever...cos it was sooooooooo memorable, i fall down on the bowling lane !!!OMGGGG~~~~it was really embarrassing, and i would make sure myself to nv repeat the similar mistake especially in front of my lovely darlingg..haha~~cos i do not hope to embarrass him , for sure~~although it was a huge humiliation to myself, but have u ever experience such an embarrassment ever in ya life b4???no leeee...hehehe~~tatz why i felt shameful at first, but quite funny and meaningful instead. at least i would have experienced a really baddddd embarrassment before my career age ^^ perhaps i wouldnt have the courage to accept if i were to fell in front of my colleagues.

went on a nice lunch at italiannis ^^ i was happie to see ling enjoying so much with the food , especially her fav, mussel Lombardi and finally got her order of chicken sausage carbonara..^^
after the lunch, we finally went for our MISSION FOR THE DAY~~hehe... i was really happie that she willing to share everything wit me, i mean experiences and her willingness to let me care bout her health.. finally she gotta noe wutz with her health prob and released her stress and worries onto the issues...YOYO~~~CONGRATS~~~HUGS~~im happie too that i've learned something from it..

back home, perhaps i jus done something that would have irritated him, or something happened that makes my darling not in the mood to talk to me, but i was really worried wut initially happened to him, why wouldnt my darling sharing his unhappie things wit me, but perhaps others instead...this makes me even upset when i saw his FB page comments..i noe i shudnt be stalking or checking onto him... but i felt rely stupid and foolish T.T i was worrying there so much onto him, yet he was chatting wit a gal at FB...he seemed really happie to play 'comment' at FB woooo... but he jus said KNS and swt to me when i was trying to play 'comment' at FB wit him....SIGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~really frustrated jorr....really sad niaaa that the one i loved and care so much treated me like this.... i nv tot that i nv felt angry once i realised it, DOWN instead...i felt foolish...i was soo excited to share wit him that i've bought a nice G string today wit ling... wel, i dun intend to tel him now cos he makes me feel as if im a fool to worry so much and being sooo in fear that he might angry wit me...i try controlling myself.. but tat moment when i realised it jus makes me feel not in the mood to talk to him ..
who am i to u ,wilson?

i nv IMAGINE THAT I LOVE YOU wilson

2009-08-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

results are out~~~~~

i was pretty excited once i got up from my bed this morning, that i knew we're gonna enjoy a really nice day!!this was our very first time to sing to each other, our first K time !!aw~~imagine that i've alwis been singing wit my bunch of frens, yet not wit him for once~~~silly me that i'd planned out wut to sing cos i've been hoping to sing some songs to my bf, if i have one and i could~

i was lost in confusion why was he being in tat way when i reached the LRT station..i'd wondered wut had i done wrongly to make him in a pist off face. perhaps i was late, but it wast yet to be 10.45, and i wasn't. i had no idea wut shud i be doing, but just sitting away from him and leaving him at the corner side. i was curious whether he was in a dilemma or a bad mood, out of ideas, but not daring myself to ask him cos i was quite sad since i was pretty excited previously~ i sat at another side, listening to my MP3, sizzling yet worrying bout. however, for sometime, i realised that i wouldnt be sizzling if he was really into a dilemma and i was here to put on my anger without a reason and being there for him. therefore, i decided to send him an SMS of asking him wut happen and that im scare and worried about you. he walked towards me and sat beside me, with a tiring face. he said hez having headache prob. i felt even worse that to hang out wit him even when hez not feeling well. i've rather to make him stay at home than torturing him being wit me..^^

fortunately the conflicts seemed to have lasted for not more than 30 mins..haha~~everything back to normal when we were trying to tickle each other at the bus. AHAAA~~~im alwis freaking out wit tickling...OMG~~~i nearly spoilt my make up...=.= i knew that he wasnt in the mood, perhaps i would say hez somehow quite nervous in singing wit me...kakak~~~wut i wan is to enjoy wit him, no matter how he sings. we ended up went to redbox...kekeke~~~it was great cos i nv expect to have less ppl, perhaps it was morning hour. the room is great, the renovation was nice, the food was much better comparing to THE CURVE and THE GARDEN, services are good, sound system is great, lots of songs~~~

i was happie that i think wut he thinks..kekeke~~~come on darling, who am i to u ?of cos i do noe who are ya favs and wut u alwis been listening ~~~however, he jus couldnt get use to singing wit a mic, perhaps hez shy..kaka~~but why jus couldnt sing and nervous as if i would wolf u down and swallow u into my stomach. im jus a normal human being here, not to judge u , not to humiliate u, but to listen to my bf !!and darling, i could heard ya singing plssss, u were jus beside me and the small room had oni 2 of us~

his mom called in a sudden, i was really nervous and anxious at tat moment, couldnt tot of anything, i seemed to be helpless to him, but burdening him for worrying me, when i heard their conversation on the phone call, i jus sat aside, and trying hard to calm myself down. after that, he gave me big tight bear hug, i nearly tear off...but i did not cos i knew tat he would have even more worried and felt burdening wit it. i kept it to myself, but happie that he was there for me. im so scared tat his mom would have misunderstood bout us, and for his parents to worry bout his safety, i totally get it all!!!i hope he could have good communication wit them rather than being unhappie in the conversations.

after the K,we went for a movie, IMAGINE THAT lead by eddie murphy. it was a joke, i tot at first, knowing nothing bout the synopsis, paying no attention during the screen play, somehow i slowly discovered the msg expressed by the movie, it was GREAT~~

wel, we watched 2 great movies, ytd was I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER although both movies are simple, yet it meant a lot~~~ytd was a great outing too...i managed to score more than 50 for bowling~~YAY~~~~~i was quite upset since i got 49 for the first game and i decided to go for the second game...hoho~~who noes i scored 70++~~~^^~~~i knew that he was fooling around so that i could score a higher point to gain my confidence...MUACKZ~~
after that, we'd walked around at cold storage before gone to the bus stand. the feeling was somehow peculiar, i felt as if we were newly married young couple who went shopping for some groceries for our home..haha~~the feeling is really sweet and lovely, " wut do u wanna eat for dinner honey?" this is how i felt at tat moment..kakaka~~

at the end of the day, wut im happie for was he ate the burger that i made for him ^^ i alwis feel that itz lovely and sweet to make a meal for my love one, and i hav the chance now to make for him, and he loves it~~~i felt really sweet when he said he loves it ^^sumore wit the 'embarrasment' of bringing along the small container all the way back home, pretty 'cool' for a guy to do it..kakakka~~im happie tat hez willing to take it like that, hahhaa~~although it wasnt for a long time, but at least he nv complained bout the food..muackz~
but im really felt SORRY and guilty to make him spending much on taxi fare. he wouldnt have spent tat much if i were to ask him for accompanying me back, SORRY !!!!!

happie happie day~

2009-08-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

it was a great lunch and talk wit my bunch of best frens ^^

i was so happie that i met up wit my DD finally. the feeling was slightly nervous at first, even i told yuan bout it that im nervous to meet her up since there might be possibility of silence between us since we've not been seeing each other for like some time..perhaps i was being overworried..haha ~anyway, thx for the compliment and being as my genuine pig to try on my food..^^ ~~im sure charlly would make u ya fav food and dishes to u everyday.. u noe, i alwis feel that making a lovely breakfast for my love one and frens is really a happy thing to me ^^ i feel very contented and sweet if i were to have the chance to prepare a meal for him everyday, at least a lunch or a breakfast ^^

wel, we were trying to search for her house..haha ~~on the way was really fun.. im really so blessed and glad that i have such a good fren wit me, good buddy, good coursemate, good K kakii~~ YEAH~~~ nice~~~i was imitating the way he sings ..kakak ~~~

finally found her house, and we act past by earlier..haha ~~i was happie that we both were wearing hair bans~~~YEAHH~~~luckily i wore too~~YAY~

tat moment, i feel really contented and kept thinking wut have i done to gave me such good frens in my life~~~~^^~~we went for a simple lunch..but it was really meaningful cos i gave her a big surprise~~YEAH~~~ i contacted our fren, raaj, and he came all the way from Seremban to meet us~~~and she totally din noticed bout it since they tot i was talking to my bf on the hp, which i was purposely to do it..keke~~~im sooo happie that our raajy is getting married next year~~~WOWOWOWO~~~and hez asking me to work for his comp..hahahh~~but one thing im so happie that shez surprised wit it~~~YEAHH~~~~

after the lunch, the guys suggested to go home so that the GALS could have more personal space and time for pillow talk..hehe~~be frank, im happie that my dearly lovely fren has found her path in her life, and shez sooo happie and satisfied wit her life ~~im sooo glad to see her being so happie , and could able to rely on someone who is reliable whereby she could slow down at least。。happie~~

tooooo toooo train~~~

2009-08-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

it was all fated in my belief..

it was a great day ..awesomely to be a happening day. i was so excited bout to meeting him for our date, somehow i din even noe the reason for it, but jus hope to stick with him ^^
as usual ,movies for the date, going by LRT..where something happened to have startled me O.O

i received his text msg while i was still queuing for train tickets at taman bahagia and intially i was heading to kelana jaya station. who noes i jus marched up to another platform which is heading towards paramount garden, without a doubt into the train and search for a seat. i jus realised when the train was moving half way, where the sceneries seems different as wut i usually been seeing..haha! i noticed that i've gone into the wrong train...dumb me!so i jus got down from the train and bough another ticket to KJ~~~hahaha~~i was so rushing since i tot he would have reached there and waiting for me...aiks~

while in the train , some thoughts jus flashed in mind in a sudden, regarding to proposal. i knew that we're gonna watch a movie bout proposal, and i was wondering wut if one day we discuss bout engagement, then how shud i decide then??kakak.. stupid and silly idea came to my mind at tat moment, wut if we'll let the train to decide for us..hahah~~~we'l marry if we get into the same train coincidentally...i even smiled and laughed out at the train since i was day dreaming there..

finally i'd reached ^^ i was so surpised when i saw him standing in front of me at the lower ground of the staircase...how come hez here?was he jus waited for me there??but wasnt it impossible to jus waited there?? O.O~~~OMGGGGGGGGGGGG~~~we were at the same train jus now without realising~~~~~OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG~~~~~~~~~~he was at the front, and i was at the back of the train , but both at the same train~~~OMGG~~he told he had waited at the first LRT station once he arrived since he guessed that i would be late for sure...OMGGG~~~if he wouldnt have waited for me and my sillyness of going for the wrong platform, we then impossibly to be at the same train ^^ hehehe... this makes me to feel really great~~~

movies were niceeee...District 9 and The proposal~~~i felt so happie and glad when he paid for my movies...i duno why , i jus felt happie ~~perhaps u might say itz a must for a guy to bear the cost of expenses for a date..however, this isnt wut it meant to me, i felt contented cos my bf wanted to fulfill wut i've been hoping for, although itz jus a movie ticket, but this is wut i've been hoping- to watch the proposal ^^ perhaps i might have felt wrongly, somehow im happie cos we watched it ^^

i felt sooo glad tat he intended to ask me to spend less and save more for myself. although i noe having a lunch at sakae sushi will be spending out of my weekly budget, but isnt it worth while to have a happie lunch ?he fulfilf me to be so happie, and i hope to treat him for his fav sushi cos i hope hez happie too ^^

the movie, THE PROPOSAL~~~GOSH~~i teared in the cinema, perhaps tat part was really touching to my heart !!!i felt so embarrassing when he realised that i was crying, and he kept looking at my face...OMGG...when he asked me to look at him, i felt to even cry harder...kakakakkakaka~~sorry to wet ya shirt..hahahha...especially ya chest...kaka~~

sighh....when can we date again ???i love you saying i love you to me , itz really sweet <333

happie day~

2009-08-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

happie day~~happy bday in advance to u ~~~^^

everything seemed to be working out according wit my plan..haha~~but i din expect that he nv drink at all~~~~~i could have ordered a glass of wine and a cocktail, instead of me drinking most of the wine, one jug is equally to a bottle...i nv deny im not a good drinker all the time~hehe~~i jus managed to drink half of it...aiks~~wasted~~~how could i wasted the wineee???aiskkkks...i noe u guys would say, dun care,,jus drink it until vomit~~hahah ~~

anyway, another failure was, i couldnt get him a blackforest cake..aiks~~i tot of getting him tat at ZEN, who noes not even at both ZEN and secret recipe~~luckly he likes the choco indulgence ^^
however, i tot of hugging him when singing the bday songs, at least i could whisper at his ear, who noes there were crownded, and the chair and table structure doesnt allow me to do so ..aiks~~~somehow, it was a happie day ^^
at least we had no arguements..^^ im happie that he treated me for movie, GI joe wasnt tat great though..kakak~~my next targeted movie would be the proposal~~~GOSH~~~

~the bday boy~~

fried calamari+ white wine

nice neh??of cos laa.. who ordered onee...

chicken meatballs with alfredo sauce with linguine

mussel Lombardi

alerr... boleh minum keh tak???o.O

this is nicee...

can i say beauty and the beast??hahah~~~KAKAKAKAK~~i love tis~ AW AW

happie bday ...TO U~~~~muackz~~~

hehe.. nice lee, ya choco indulgence...who choose onee~~~~hahahah

my frens and me...and PAN MEE^^

2009-08-12T04:53:00.000-07:00

been some time for not meeting them up..they are coming back this month~~^^

first of all wil be JEAN~GOSH~~~im soooo happie when she sms me telling that shez back!!hehe~nv made to meet up last year due to finals...missed that chance~and im freaking free lately~~hoho~~itz time to hav some gossips and pillow talks...kekek~~we act met up tat day, after meeting with my buddy, chao~~hoho~~~wel, i was really anticipating to meeting him since we are alwis a good K team~~haha~~the feeling was real great, exciting~~however, i could feel that hez not as much talkactive as previously, or perhaps we hv not much topics anymore, some we could share off but some are not~~anyhow, hez stil my buddy~~^^

i met up wit jean after that, the gossip session was realllly fun~~talked a lot until we din realised time had jus passed so fastly~itz really an enjoyment to chit chat around with frens...topics of lives, families, educations, of cos bf~~~haha~~i jus cant wait to have another session of K wit her and her frens~~~~OH GOSH~~~~it shud be really amazing cos i doubt oni both of us would be the singing one~~~hoho~~~~

wel, another happie news is my DD is coming back for summer hols, i guess..haha~~happie to see her back to her home sweet home finally, with his sweetie as well.. i bet her parents would have got startled for some moment with her surprising planning..haha~

last but not least, I WAN PAN MEE~~~~~~~~~i jus wanna eat PAN MEE so badly~~~arrrrrrrrghhhh~~

tasteless

2009-08-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

wut are the things i can say ?

my feelings are weird!!i feel that i've been dragging him..im so worrying!!i started to feel as if i cant feel him with me...the major prob is that we have nothing to talk to each other..i noe that he feels bore all day long at home..but i really feel useless when i was trying to make him happie but ended up with bad result..sigh~wut is the prob i've been wondering..my prob?his prob??our prob would be, most probably.
somehow, i started to confused wutz the feeling of being in love..when i think bout this, my tears begin to drip!wutz happening between me and him???i cant feel sweet, or laughter brought by him~~~perhaps i've not been seeing him in person for so long, and this makes me to feel in such a way that I CANT FEEL MY BF~~the feeling of him is so abstractive...hazardous...sighhhh...it makes me to question myself all this while, i dont love my bf anymore???this makes me in fear.. i dun wan sad things happen between us, yet im feeling like this...tasteless..wut shud i do ??wut can i do ???

no comment on it

2009-07-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

hmmm....i duno wut to talk

i dun like a moment of silent, i barely stand it cos im not a silent person...nothing to talk bout has been the prob for us, and i really hav no idea how shud i be resolving for this... perhaps we havent been reaching out tat level yet...hahaha ^^

there are alwis hard time for me in telling him things, or telling him wut i think...i've alwis been worrying how would he feel if i were to say like this to him...how much could he take it if i say that to him... i noe my words jus hurt others without me realising how hurtful are my points...sigh,,i seriously do not noe wutz happening in his life...hav no comment on it.... sigh..

im selfish~~

2009-07-17T00:48:00.000-07:00

i have no idea wutz gonna happen later...

somehow i really feel myself kinda stupid...why didnt i choose the easy way instead of lying to my dad????perhaps this might be part of my mistake and i've gotta bear the responsitbility too ~but i jus feel that itz time for me to grow!!i noe i'd for sure to been through all these, but jus the matter of time~perhaps this is the time for me to really rebel and get used to being independent wit myself..but it seems pretty sad without sharing happiness and sadnesses wit my family~~~however, i do feel that they dun really share it wit me, i mean when im trying my best to share it out wit them , they seem not to bother so much on me,not like my sis~i dun mean to have jealousy,but somehow, i dun feel a part of them ~itz pretty obvious that i seems to have no communication channel wit them~perhaps, yes but not the right way for it~somehow i jus feel im alwis the exclusion, when i feel sad, they seem not to even bother to ask wut happen, even i choose to cry in the bath room rather than telling them wutz act going on, cos i noe they would jus say, forget bout it or wutever!!i got fucking fed up wit this kinda language...

perhaps of this situation that has cause my upbringing to become someone that is selfish!!

T.T

2009-07-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

i was really happie ytd ....

i was so excited and happie tat one of my best frens would support me for cooking pasta for tmr's surprise party~~im soo happie that i found out we are on the same point in a sudden~~~i was quite anticipating wutz gonna be their response after eating my food..kaka~~cos i alwis care how the eaters feel bout my cooking.. ^^

once a blue moon , me and my best sis had so much topics, perhaps cos we were in the similar situations..hehehe~~we had a great chat, was so excited...really hope to meet her up and give her a big HUG~~~~

wel, everything was in a good mode, somehow seems like i've ruined the situation again..sigh~~i jus dun und how come my brain could think so 'efficiently'...kaka~~jus finished my bath, i was crying in the bath room for some time...i dunno wut to do , i jus feeel that my heart is bleeding..T.T.. i have the feeling again , im such a FOOL~~~i alwis choose to believe his words,i alwis persuade myself to give him faith that he really loves me~~erm, but sometimes i jus hardly adapt the way...and i feel frustrated when things are not happening as how i expected...

i tot hez gonna reach at 10..i was rushing to MV, cos i doubt he might be waiting there, who noes he made me waited again...sighh!!i noe that itz soo hard for us to meet, tatz why i din intend to tel him i've waited cos i wanna appreciate the time of being together..why would i being so silly and stupid to believe 100%???when i realised that hez late, the first thing came to my mind is not anger, but disappointment...why he breaks the promise again whenever i put my 100% trust on him???am i nothing to him???why would he to treat me like thiss???T.T

after all, i tried not to bother bout thiss, i forget bout thiss, i take it as nothing happen...we really enjoyed the time...but until he said something that makes me feel really boh song!!!i notice that he seems quite remember wut his ex likes, but he jus dunno wut i wan and wut i feel if im not there to tell him~~anyhow, this isnt the way shud be !!! i seriously DO NOT like to tell everything out, wutz the point if i were there to tel u everything????somehow hez jus not observant, or i may say for a guy to be observant towards someone provided he loves her~seems like he jus dun wanna lose me and wan me to be wit him , but i jus dun like him to be responsive type, whereby he'l not do it if i nv tell him to, or request to!!!the 2 clothes that i bought for him, he jus din bother to wash it or keep it, but jus put aside, i noe itz a little matter, but sometimes it reflects something~~

i admit that im a emotional and complicated thinker, but i alwis control myself not to be worrying so much...but my feeling jus tells me that i dun feel secure!!!! i alwis question his love to me, cos i barely see it or feel it!!!wut i think my fren said to me was somehow true, he hopes to get feedback from his gf, the situation wil jus black off withouth feedback..i feel the same thing tooo..im fed up of oni me sacrificing and contributing....i fed up of believing his promises to me, cos everytime ends up hurting deep down to my soul~~~cos i feel really SILLY~~~wut do i get after loving him 100%???although ppl alwis says nv expect for return when u love someone, but sooner or later i'l get fed up when i give in my total heart and love to him , and ended up like this!!

i HATE to say i hav no money and ASK him to treat me eat... do u noe itz such an embarrassment to me???but i jus cant stand that i have to bear all the expenses~~~this really hurts me cos i really feel that im being fool to jus as someone who can accompany u when u are too free, or when u need some warmth from a gal!!!!this really makes me soooooooooo upset!!!

and another thing i feel disappointed as well, whenever u ask me wut i wan!!!!i really feel no comment i really tot that u'l really getting it for mee, i really believe that u are really doing it, but everytime u are telling me that, '' u can do it, slowly laa...'' then why would the first place u ask me wut i wan ????why i feel that i cant rely on my bf????T.T...and u din even notice that wut im looking at whenever we walk around...u jus tend to look around..haha..then how on earth u to noe wut i like ???WUT AM I TO U ??????

i kept take ya word for it whenever u promise me, but ended up i feel so hurt u noe!!!i feel hurt cos of disappointment and feeling being FOOLED~T.T...when u asked me wut happened, i dunno how to say it out face to face to u, cos i noe i'l cry immediately, and i tried to control and took deep breath, telling myself that, CSL u could do it!!

no wonder my guy frens told me not to rely and believe into men, although they are too..haha!!!!

i wan presentable

2009-07-14T09:55:00.001-07:00

i feeel soooo tiring.....exhausted~~~~~~~~

woke up so early in the morning, i tot of having a good sleep at night, but wutz wit my life huh????
stressful~~~i have tutorial questions to go , i need time for research , i need time for study, and there are many things happening around that needs my concentration away from it. should i allocate better wit my time???i feel like im so degraded recently... where goes my knowledge??where goes my determination???i need to be good~~i have to be good~~i wanna be good~~

wel, i feel so stressful and in dilemma after a moment of gaming tonight. i tot i would have been so happie after killing the scourage and won the victory, but this isnt the end of the story!!there are stil some story to be continued... i realised no one seems happie and satisfied after gaming, so wutz the point of gaming at the first place rite??i think i would nv do it again...NEVER EVER~~~~my bf jus feel unhappie and my best frenz bf feel the same either, i guess... this really puts the 2 best frens into dillemma.. i feel soooooo arghhhh~~~~i feeel so tiring dy...T.T......i cant picture that i din finish my tutorial work , my research and jus played game wit him since i noe hez bored~~sigh!!!CSL is really losing her way out!!!!and i stil have to make him happie when hez sad... perhaps i really not a good gf for him.... sumore this emo guy stil being emo in front of me..AAAAAAAAAAAA~~FUCK OFFF~~~~~i hate it !i hate it~i hate it!i tot i could jus stay relax and comfortable when i reached home, there are way too many things for me to worry bout outside, and i need to worry bout my bf...sighh~~~

wel, when he asked me how can he fulfil me... i really tot of tonnes of things....somehow, i jus gone speechhless when he pointed out the question to me cos i hav no idea how shud i be telling him the truth....sighhh!!!anyhow, i stil think it shud be kept within myself, at least i wont ruin anything off.... i've been trying soooo hard to maintain and improve the relationship, but it seems tat wut im trying to do isnt working out right its way...

noe wut??i really envy and hope that he can be like wut i wan ....at least the simple things...im demanding, im realistic, im egoistic, im sarcastic.....but wut i expect him to have do not really sounds insane cos i found all these in my frens!!!
i alwis thinking why would my frens be soooo nice and caring to their gals.... i really hope hez the way they are, although i shudnt be comparing them , but this are how usually guys would do for their gals!!!

i cant see any sadly..T.T...i dunno wut to do....i really cant feel any...T.T...and it slowly caught me fed up , and i feel soooooooooooooooooo sad when i feel fed up....i hope my bf could make me happie, not to make me worry....T.T....i feel helpless when im being stucked in the middle of nowhere of him and my frens....u are unhappie wit it, and im saying sorry to making u not happie, and oso saying sorry for making them not happie... so now who is the one not happie after all?????????????????????????????????????

my forehead..^^

2009-07-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

i plead guilty in hurting someone's heart and dignity~~~~

it was really like a roller coaster life.. i was so happie and excited once i woke up from my bed. i could meet my darling at last~~YAY~~~my feeling was really happie, i hav so much to share wit him!!

unfortunately, my angry mode ruined the day...sigh~~i was trying to control myself but no doubt im a hot tempered person. i told myself to stay calm when i see him..but i jus wanna cry so seriously while i was walking alone, doing nothing at the mall. i nearly cry out while i was walking, i dunno wut am i doing tat time, i felt lost somewhat i have no direction to go for it.. why i was feeling this way again???i dunno, but i knew it clear that i was upset even it wasnt a serious matter.

i was really mad at him once i saw him. i seriously had no idea wut to response, but i knew i was on a hot pan, i could burn anyone tat time, is either i'l hug him and cry, or give him my piece of mind, and i choose the second option. it was really harsh to him, and i noe he jus kept everything to himself cos i think he jus dun hope to ruin the relationship~~i felt even guilty when he really tot like that and i was mad on stupid silly little matters....sigh~i feel myself isnt a suitable for him, i feel im bad for him ~~im so worry he'l be so suffer cos of mee, i feel somehow i did hurt him so badly, wit my words and wut i'd done!im so worry that this experience would stay as a history of memory in our relationship...sigh~~

wel, after all, i felt happie again...kkakakakak~~~i was really touched when he intended to buy me a thing..somehow, i jus dun hope to waste his money..hehe ^^ sumore i din expect myself to be such a good pool playerr...hohohoh~~~me myself too felt quite fake for my playing...kaka~~~but i really enjoyed the time being togather wit him..sadly it was short tat day...and i felt not enough.omg~~i jus wan longer, even jus a min plz!!sighh....

sobs...my plan totally out dy, my perfect plan for his bday..sigh~~~i was planning so well dy, sadly i spent so much..sighh~~~~sighhhh~~~~but CSL is creative!!!!YEAHHH~~~~im superb in that...hohoho~~~i hav tonnes of ideas for sure...hoho~~~~i noe i can~~~YEAHHHH~~~hohohoh~~~

wel, one thing to be rmb, he kissed my forehead for the first ever time since we've been together..hahaha~~i realised he nv done it even he kissed my cheeks and lips for times, but forehead is sooo sweet for my bf to kiss me...tat moment was melting to mee..hehehe~~^^

last but not least,my GUCCI FLORAL~~~OMGGG, i fall in love wit tat perfume, itz sooooo adorable and lovely..itz jus irressistable~~~MUACKZ~~~

im way too silly ~

2009-07-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

feel so tiring for the day, headahce~~wut happen to me??

i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~

however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.

i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~

fren vs bf

2009-07-06T10:01:00.001-07:00

i alwis wish to have unfinished topics wit my bf...

somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.

why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=

i cant live without sniper..kaka~~sui lou~

2009-07-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

boy fren, best fren, ssex partner, soulmate!!

how i wish hez the one that i've been searching all the time..how i wish my life partner could satisfy me for this characters..i feel really happie!!!stil remembering that day we went for some inquiries at my college, wel, i felt really bad since i couldnt help him out at all. i didnt noe wut to do to help him since im his gf~~i felt so helpless seeing my bf, having probs wit his enrollment, but wut i could do is to be there for him , i noe for sure he needs supports and cheers~i told myself no matter how i wouldnt give up on him. i noe itz a dampen period for a guy at his age, wit no experiences, no guidance, no courage, facing a new breakthrough in his life, alterations and preparation for a cruel reality, which is the nature of the real world~rationally i noe wut i supposingly shud be doing for my own good, but this isnt the time for such consideration..wut i noe is i shud and i wanna be there for him..perhaps he might not appreciate for wut i've done, at least i'd be there to encourage him, for not feeling that hez alone wit helpless hand~

after all, we finally found out a college!!i was reallly happie wit no reasons~~this was the first time we've solved prob out togather~~i really like the feeling when we've overcome the prob together successfully~~~YAYY~~~when we were at the bus stand, he told me that now he gotta study well, get a good job, and we can live a good life then. i felt really contented wit his words, evvn it might not happen to realise the promise, but at least he does think bout it~~i dunno wut to say, jus to give him a hug~

i alwis hope to have a responsible and protective man... and he might be the one!!however, i do hope hez the one, and i wan him to be the one~~~~however, i nv wan that his family would noe bout us!!!weirdo~~~kakaka... i jus cant und my im being so afraid tat if his family noes bout me and him...but tat day i jus got out from the box, i noe im being selfish to do it this way. parents are alwis concern and worry bout the ppl around their kid. itz normal that they wanna noe who has been alwis mixing wit their kid, tatz why my parents are full of inquiries all the time due to their curiousity. most importantly, i dun hope that he'l assist me in hiding from his parents, which might caught into a dilemma. i shud respect him instead of control him~

although there were times that cause me into anger so madly, but seeing his willingness and intention in adapting the changes and improvements, i noe i shudnt be too demanding, and i shud appreciate all these and takes thing easy~

wel, we went for movie, my fav, ICE AGE 3~~OMG!!it was really funny...i couldnt stand laughing, but to control my volume!!!i laughed until teared off..OMGG~~it was sooo cute~~~at the same time, there was one lady laughing really loud at the hall, which was pretty embarrasing to be in tat manner..kaka~overall, i really enjoyed the movie ^^

hez so sweet

2009-06-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

i'd never forget that~~~~

2 persons at one cinema hall~~OMG~this was truly my first ever time in my life to watch a movie wit oni me and him in the cinema..wit no other ppl~~not that we booked the hall, but there werent any ppl purchasing the tickets than us~~haha~~2 silly fella sitting there for almost 2 hours for such a 'GREAT' movie~~GOSH~~that wasnt an eng movie, and the effects are totally ruining out of the mood~~it was SUCKS, im sorry to apply that word....somehow, i ENJOYED the movie..hahahha~~the hugs and the kisses were great~kakakaka~i love it~~anyhow, i realised something that hez actually quite.....wow...wut a LEO guy!

guess wut??i was really happie and touched when he suggested to buy me a something...i mean i nv expected that to happen,and itz meaningful to me it was jus a little gift though~somehow, it does mean a lot to me, since i do think the chain has somehow meant something...i really think that hez sooooooooo sweet~~perhaps that chain is something to remind me as well as to set a signal that im not single and available anymore! no matter wutz the purpose behind of it, i feel happie and sweet to wear it!! anyhow, i dun hope i'l become a silly person to feel happie bout these, or even he jus dun meant a thing for it, yet im being so touched bout it~~i would feel totally foolish if im jus making it by myself~i do hope im doing the right thing~~

i alwis been inquiring myself that wut am i doing all this while in my life...nothing is foreseeable and we duno wutz gonna happen in the future~even we have deeply in love with each other, who noes we might be apart one day..kaka~~guarantee ??no such thing in love relationship i believe~~we have so much great time now, and i couldnt picture wutz gonna happen after this month..or even after my study...funnily i feel fearful whenever thinking bout it~from the first day of the decision that making up a relationship wit him, i 've alwis prepare myself of losing him one day... cos i feel that it might happen one day and i i noe i couldnt take it when it does~thus, havin such a preparation could regenerate myself better and faster...IM IN FEAR cos i love him~ T.T

cute little young man

2009-06-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

''do u love me??"

wowow, i've got startled when he pointed out a question to me in a sudden..haha~
"love me??" wow~~i nv expect that he'd question me in this way cos it happens to be gal questioning the guy, wowo~i alwis tot that i'l be the one to ask him this before he asks me, but seemed like my prediction has been mistaken..haha ~~
somehow, i've learned the words to be replied, " i adore you"...KEKEKEKEKEK~~wowo, such a nice phrase from the movie of transformer-revenge of the fallen. GOSH~it's totally an awesome masterpiece~it would rate it as the greatest movie of the year!!!i totally love the movie~~~

wel, another day of date...another upsetting story, i was so mad and couldnt find any solution to cool myself down , but to release on him~~~i was crazy tat time, wanting to punch someone or kick, perhaps i would give him a slap if i could, but im just not tat kinda person who would give him a big tight slap on his face cos itz totally rude and insane~~where goes my manners then???but for sure i was insanely strugglinn wit my disatisfaction, decided to tel him wut and why were i being so mad bout~~

OMG~i've alwis been worying that the similar thing might happen on us as wut have happened to my best fren..they fought and argued over some issues and she sms me that the guy has got her a pressie and apologized..wel, is he to apologise for getting his gf back or to knowing and realised the mistakes or problems from the arguement?is he really saying wut he meaning and doing wut he saying?most terrifying thing would be the feeling, perhaps it would not be as wut at the beginning or previous one, but she could have caught up to be in frustration..wut a sad case dude~~~wel , when something unpleasant happens to be repeating seems to be a bad thing cos another party could fed up wit it ~~therefore, better not to challenge my patience cos im totally not an expert in tat field~~~

anyway, we'd gone for a bowling..GOSH~~i knew it and i've tried to absorb it since last time. uufortunately, i totally not into that,but wut to do since he likes it ^^ EMBARRASING~~~OMG~~~i would nv forget it for the rest of my life~~i wouldnt believe that it happened in front of him~~GOD~~~i wouldnt have such huge response if i were with my buddies..but why did it happen???kakaka~~

wel,something happened jus now, i was scared and surprised that he've got into such respond when i told him that a guy was requesting me for showing up at MSN thru webcam~~i was nervous when he said " im so pissed off now.." OMG~~i tried to explain that entire case but he seemed to have switched on his FIRE mode..kaka~~hez such a funny and cute little young man!i was wondering wut would he do if he noes this guy...i could sense that hez totally pissing off thru the conversations..wow...wut a GUY~~

do u love me?

2009-06-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

finally my blogspot has returned to norm...i could blog again ~

many things happened lately, yet have not been updating the blog..should be lotz to talk bout ^^
my man...why wouldnt be my bf? it gives me a strong feeling of protection and security when mentioning my bf as my man~i alwis tot that man is stronger than boy in sense of physical and mental. somehow, it brings no conclusion to my prediction since the statement is sujective~~i began to realise the difference of boy and man after having time togather wit him. thus, i started another new belief that personality and charisma of the individual that differentiate him with the others...and the 100% of shouldnt be going is comparison~itz so unfair to compare him with others, i shouldnt and ought to treasure and cherish him indeed~i've seen my frens been having relationship probs lately that makes me und that i should appreciate him and the relationship cos being togather isnt an easy thing for 2 persons that comes togather from so many differentiations~

when i gotta noe that my frens have been arguing for days and quarelling over some little matters, it somehow makes me think that why couldnt they appreciate the time of being togather???why do they love arguing over little matters???of cos some might be serious matters that end up breaking up ~perhaps me and him even have no time for arguementss since we have less time being togather, and this has makes me to appreciate every moment being togather with him~~sometimes i do like this way, not seeing each other often really helps me to miss him so madly~~~

however, something happened last few days. i rmb tat i was quite late for our date and i really felt so bad for it cos I WAS SO LATE~~when on my way to mid valley, i felt really worried that he'l get mad cos i knew that waiting for a person is boring~~furthermore, for a guy to wait for a gal seems sound, yet it really needs patience~i felt really pleased that he din show his temper when i reach~~and he even brought me for a herbal tea~~GOSH~~i started to feel that ' this guy is caring huh'.
but something seems to have destroyed it when he was late~~i was totally angry at tat time~~i couldnt think of wut to say when he was late~i didnt noe how to talk to him when he reached cos i tot that his reasons were lame and ridiculous~~after all, i realised how someone feels when he or she to have waited so long for a person, the anxiety, the patience, i'd trying so hard to keep on my temper, sadly i had shown him my temper at last~~i couldnt stand to take it as if nothing has happened. he should have known my attitudes well, im not a patient person, and letting me to have waited long time, sitting alone at the bus stand, that should be my first time, fortunately my psp was there as accompaniment. sooner or later, i felt that bringing out it as a serious matter could have spoilt the mood for both of us, why should i do it????thus, i'd chosen to put it aside..isnt it fair that he had waited for me for no comment and i should and could do the same thing for him too???^^.....i alwis believe to have communication to overcome the probs and barriers in reaching compromise between 2 persons in a relationship, which i think itz true~

wel, i stil rmb at the end of the day , he said me some words, i felt really sweet when he said it in front of me at the LRT when i was about to reach my station~~perhaps he could have forgotten wut he had said to me, but i really love tat moment~~i hope to hug him and never let go at tat time~~hez totally got my heart tat time~i really hope to kiss him hardly tat time but there was a crowd there...im alwis the ordinary gal that loves my man to say i love you to me at the right time~u are lovely darling~

guess wut?i feel myself to have take him as an habit in my life...i got used to having him wit me in my life....i'l miss him when im doing my own things. perhaps something jus reminds me of him at some times...OMG~~i think i've really fallen in love with him seriously ..GOSH~~itz dangerous man~many inquiries come to my mind..wut if hez not thinking that way?wut if im jus some kinda float to him?wut if ........GOSH~~i starting to fear when seeing my frens having probs with their partners...i dare not to think much bout whether or not to last long even to future, and i shouldnt have tot of it since it drives me even into fear!!!!

somehow, i really feel not to letting go, i wanna stay and carry on wit this guy ^^ DO U LOVE ME?

decision making~~

2009-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

first time ever to have such time consumption in the decision making progress...

one thing i realised , that life would nv happened to gain perfection, there must something to be forgone in order for the existence or maintenance of the another one.. is this necessary to happen all the time in every circumstances?hahah..i've alwis wonder can it be the application of 2 alternatives at the same time??? can i have both at the same times???kaka... it'l then be perfect that someone could have all the his lovers at the same times without bothering who should be the final choice and be fairly treated among the lovers~~it seems unavoidable in deciding a choice... by considering so many factors that bring bout to the decision that we're gonna make... not oni ourselves, but to the ppl around, trying hard, gaining the balance bound... it seems a tough task to me when comes to decision making since i've nv or perhaps seldom to decide what i wan...or i may say i do not actually have the rights to say " i wan it tat way" in certain things even i noe wut i wan~~perhaps of the fear and loose in guts, courage and bravery in bringing wut my idea into action...as the conclusion, im not a wise person cos i couldnt even bring out to present my own ideas , and what's more bout manipulation and successful??kaka... bullshits~

wut kinda frens i have?

2009-06-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

gosh...someone jus pissed me off today~

why would it happen everytime??wut tat person would be me?come on..wutz with tat response?shouldnt i be bothered so much bout it??im way too foolish to be taking so importantly on the frenship...i mean i really take her as my best fren...and i seriously couldnt acccpt wut they had told me earlier..i'd got stunned for some while when they told me that wut she had done wit her...OMG~~itz kinda unbelieveable cos i tot i noe her so welll and she nv hide anythinn from me, even bout some personal issues~~i have no right to interfere, i noe , for sure, somehow it takes away the trust on her, that shez such as wonderful gal that i've nv ever met b4, im totally saluted to her strong hold on her concept in life, she stands firm on herself with so much external influences...frankly im soooo proud of her tat she could be soooo firm on her belief~~~ after all, the truth tells me that i've mistaken all this time, im real disappointed with the frenship. i couldnt believe it and accept it, but i have to without choices. unfortunately , it makes me feel suspiscious and hardly put on trust on wut she'l be telling me in the future... of cos she deserves second chance, but it seems like im judgeable towards the level of creditability of the stories that shez telling me.... of i may say 'i dun wanna fuck u anymore..'. haha ~
furthoremore, i'l respect u, but i do need ya respect at the same time~I HATE PPL THAT PAY NO RESPECT TO OTHERS~~and why wouldnt i bother to respect even u nv do the same thing to me ???i would listen to u ..i would be there for u...cos i noe itz the minimum respect when someone finds u and shares with u~but i found some ppl doesnt even seems to care that u are actually talking to them...this is real sad case~

anyway, another case is i have a guy fren... erm, pretty emo person he is, been trying to claim that he's the similar attitude and perspectives with me, trying to create the fact that 'we are from the mars, and other ppl come from venus'..kakak ~wel, i wouldnt have mind if i really meet a true fren like him, but....erm, i do think itz kinda over sometimes. i mean perhaps yuan is my best fren and we noe the boundary clearly, and we are comfortable wit the topics....but this guy may hav gone too far sometimes... im perhaps speechless with him~
he has sixth sense~he could foresee my future~he could predict wutz gonna happen next in his frens lives~WTH~~~GOSH~wutz the implication behind of all this stories????i should have live a happie and cheerful life by myself?? or i should have no bother bout any other things except my study??omggg~~~when he told me that, i felt somehow scared by him...his attitudes~~i told yuan today bout him , and he agreed with me that such an emo person he is~~haha...give me 5 yuan~~he finds u too~~kekekekkee....at least someone encounter the similar prob as i do ^^

last but not least, played dota with my dearie and his cousin..wel, it was my very first time to played on LAN with other players..im really nervous and anxious~GOSH~wutz gonna happen to my teamates with my noob skills..haha~~and i realised i did no team work..kaka~i jus played as i like...hahaha~~~TEAM SPIRIT failed~~haahahahhaha~~GOSH~~~how i wish we could nv play dota oni ..but wut i alwis been hoping to play togather with my bf.........sadly he doesnt noe any..kaka~forget bout it csl^^

dun force me to take the last move~

2009-06-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

i feel kinda miserable...

i tot i found someone who is so lovely but it seems to be a mistake in the end~~i really tot of having a long term relationship with him and it seems to be another big mistake again~~there things happening that makes me feel i would not be his choice, perhaps just a fling i would say to him. i tot i could fall for him so seriously that i would not care about other things...i've tried so hard to overcome the age prob~~i've really tried my best to not take that in account cos i noe that shouldnt be a matter of it. although i could feel it sometimes, i dun get to be bothered cos i do not hope that this would be a reason to ruin our relationship~

somehow, there are other factors are coming at the same time that holds me back from falling into him~i feeel really bad and upset wit wutz goin on with us~i tot i could enjoy a really nice and sweet relationship with him~i really try to treasure him and appreciate him~~seems like this is jus merely of my perspective and there are differences in our thoughts which i found out to be pretty pressure for me to adapt~~whenever i tot things are going along so well, it came again the question that makes me feel miserable... i mean im confused and lost bout wut am i to him???
perhaps i takes thing too seriously, or i shouldnt have take him so seriously into life at the first place~~~why are u asking me like this???i really dun like it... or I HATE IT when u seems to urge me for an answer~~~cos ya questions makes me to question myself how much do i love u...i really feel pressure~~although it could be nothing to u .. but i'l take it seriously~~having sex without love is meaningless.... but now the case that makes me in predicament... cos u are my bf...and i noe i should or would do it cos u are my bf~but isnt it the point that i should be concerning? and when this happens to be many times, i'l started to feel fed up, and slowly got piss off~~~i dun hope to ruin it ....and i DUN HOPE TO SAY IT OUT~dun force me to take the last move~

wilson has a horny gf ^^

2009-05-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

the feeling is somehow kinda different today...

i nv noe that i do care bout him much~i intended to reach the station before time cos i tot he'd be waiting there, tatz so poor thing~who noes he came late~~i'd got so pist off~i didnt wanna talk to him at tat moment when he arrived~~but i told myself that was my fault since i reached earlier, and considering this as a pay back of my previus cases...it then made me felt at least better to start talking to him.

but i was so not in the mood i've tried hard though~~ i felt somehow im the oni one doing all these...wutz the point of me trying hard to take this relationship so seriously since he doesnt even bother to care bout me rite???hahaa..i was kinda emo that i wouldnt wanna bother his way, i jus wanna have my way...money had been spent but in return for my satisfaction, which made me felt much better~at least i dun feel sorry to myself~~~luckily i was able to calm myself down, it'd be something unpleasant to happened otherwise.

watched terminator salvation today. it was kinda bored me off cos i found nothing interesting with the story line. i personally more preferable to terminator:the rise of the machines, that would be much greater!anyway, i was quite enjoying the moment at the cinema with him..haha~having a guy with his arm on u when u feel fear with any horror or disgusting sceneries are something sweet to be~his hands are warm when itz cold in the cinema~hahaha~
GOSH~seems that i'm use to have him with me for movies...kaka~

anyway, i really hope he'l be THE ONE~~i noe there shudnt be selfishness with personal perspective and preference in someonez personality...he has got his personal way in doing so, but i really hope he could be THE ONE~~somehow, i have a feeling, not even to tat stage and the game might have over~haha~~im bad indeed, nv deny~~^^

anyway, i hope he'l get wut im trying to hint to him...the reasons that i've treated him this way today, being horny in front of him..kakakka~~~there are things which im wishing well that he could understand someday and fix things right.....i'l give it some time~~^^

a prelude to a kiss

2009-05-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

wowow...im in a relationship~

how could i be feelin in this way?weirdo~itz long story to go ,but wut i noe is im in a relationship wit a guy,but not really so in love with him totally~from the beginning, i kept reminding myself not to take it so seriously cos i'l make sure not gonna get myself hurt from this guy,perhaps peeps~haha~~noe wut?i nv had any good feeling on him b4 he had actually asked me for being his gf?at tat moment,i treated it as a silly joke~come on..wutz with all these happening in my life?no defend that i've alwis wishing wit obsession in getting a bf..at least someone who likes and intend to date me out..wel, i've met one,but seems not to be the loving-you story~AHAA~~here comes the prob, or perhaps problems that i've been thinking and jus worrying too much..haha~

why are all these keep bothering me?i ask myself alwis, wutz the point of thinking of these if i dun even bother to stay long in a relationship? wel, i jus knew one thing, hez my bf now,i cant be treating him so unfairly..guys are not tough all the time, they need to feel secure as well...at this moment, i feel somehow getting into a relationship seems as an assginment to me, whereby i noe wut shud i be doing, how shud i do it to get the best result of it...haha~CRAPS~~~im ridiculous for sure~i'l try my very best in doing my part~~~i jus hope he'l feel great and happie...hmm, im wondering isnt this the good sign indicating that im fallin in love with him?im loving him??perhaps i do without realising..haha~hope things are getting better...at least i do miss him~

one thing weird,we had kissed..even french kiss~should i say how i would expect it to be- a prelude to a kiss, the soul, the style that probably light up my nerves, the feel of the touch by the interaction of the lips,where itz heavenly awesome with the sense of security and comfort that i barely unable to release him~~the feel of the love in the airy flow makes me hardly breath for some time...AW~

perhaps, im expecting too much from him,which is sooo unfair~~i knew it there must be NO for all this comparisons~i couldnt stop it somehow~im ...im ...im aaa.....

MY PIECE OF MIND..

2009-03-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

omg....once again i feel myself a LOSER...

why do this idea alwis be in my soul?perhaps of my low self esteem?hehe..why couldnt i have a simple and peaceful month ever for a whole year period..why couldnt i just live a happie bday month ever???WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY....F***....

things seems to be happening unpleasantly around me....firstforemost, i'd received news of my frens' relatives passing away ...4 cases...itz pretty sad u noee...some of them were quite calm facing the truth...but 2 of them were pretty upset over it since they really CARE much onto them...im sorry to hear that..it somehow makes me feel that family is irreplaceable cos we are interelated to one and another...cherish the moment togather with them cos u'l nv noe wut wil be happening in future time.

and my frens around me...many things are happening to them that makes me sort of worry bout them...i hope everything wil be goin back to the right path very soon...

myself...im kinda exhausted...kaka~yeah..the word exhausted...my all time fav to describe my feeling...kaka~i believe in karma seriously ...good incidents will follow up by unpleasant incidents, i alwis believe that there are cause and effect..kaka~too much of business study~anyway,i really feel like not falling love into guys anymore.....why are all good guys been occupied???hehe...im wondering he must be saying that this statement isnt a fact, that im merely on my personal perspective ..i shudnt have conclude it with my personal judgement..etc..kaka~act i was pretty impressed...perhaps may say startling with him!i never expect that his reactions would be something like ytd...hehe~~frannkly, he really caught me in fear since i nv came across wit such em...tremendously SENSITIVE AND SERIOUS guy ...aw~~~in fact, he makes me to talk cautiously in the conversation so that i wouldnt get into trouble by showing his piece of mind to me..kaka~wel, i was kinda inquiring myself why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind too huh?!hmm...i doubt that shud be a real nice verbal war...unfortunately , im not that kind~i'l rather keep it than spilling it out...isnt it hurtful to the frenship? i'l choose to stay calm than revealing my DEVIL side...NO WAY~~~but im wondering how far could i and shoud i to control this emotion of anger from exploiting out ?hmmm...im sort of proud with my EQ ...hehe...although i easily get piss off with ppl...but i could control it successfully ...AWWW~~~im such a COOL dude...YEAHH~~
OMGGG...im stil sooooooooooooo....argh~~~why could he treat me like that??how could he said those to me???i felt myself sooo innocent in that incident...F***......and one thing ...I DISLIKE OR SOMEWHAT HATE PPL SAYING "WUTEVER" TO MEEE~~~~hmm,why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind on this????KAKAKAKAK...YEAH~~~''im sensitive on ppl saying 'wutever' to me..i feel offended or being not respected..."...kakakakak~

anyway,my big day is jus round the corner, but i dun think i'l be in the mood for it due to all this stupid happenings...ARGHH~~S**** i tot of having a fascinating bday night with intangible bday pressies..kaka~~how i wish my dream would come true...how i wish they would actually sing me songs....how i wish they rmb and give me sms of greetings...this actually meant sooooooo deep to me~kaka...i think things would not happen in its way once i've expected it to be...i noe it well~it'l definitely nv come true once i've tot of or mentioned or expected..kaka~~perhaps no expectation brings surprises...*smile*

reader has stronger imagination than spectator....

2008-12-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

have been getting up with some reading materials recently, trying to get on track with wutz happening in the real world instead of living in my dreamland, knowing nothing, being lagged behind, at least i noe wut happening in the board..kaka~

anyhow, my best fren delivered me a book by surprise all the way from UK, which i have heard of it by the movie shown, anticipation but no action in regard of marching into MPH and gets the book, paying at the cashier, this is me. rather spending dollars on ridiculous stuff than treating myself something that i want or interested. somehow, im glad and feeling great reading this book mainly itz meaningful and sweet although the story regarding a woman's life after the death of her hubby. yes, u got it right, P.S. i love u, tatz the title of the book~

strangely, i got the picture and images drawned up clearly in my mind, with my powerfully imaginative and dillutive brains working so perfectly togather merely with the sentences written in the book. i could picture the scenery, the facial expressions and physical movements of the hero and heroin, the interior design of the places, the behaviours of the characters...etc. sometimes i may even tear when reading the PS notes from the hubby that specially dedicated to his lovely Holly, it seems like i could und the entire msg and feeling that hez trying to deliver. wel, i found myself so strange being this way....kaka~cos reading nv been such a wondering thing to me all this while until i realised that nothing is much better than reading it by ourselves with our innated imagination. movies cant satisfy everyone, even you and me might find it imperfect in some ways. i began to adapt the concept of reading...kaka

darn it~

2008-07-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

how shud i do now?i really feel so frustrated on them..how could it happen?i nv expected him to be like this...i really feel pist even i shudnt have had any this kinda feeling though.how he be like this?or im jus being too subjectives towards wut he has been doing?wel ,i really have no idea shud i help him to complete his courseworks or jus stay calm by doing nothing at all?wut shud i do?

i have a feeling that hez been thinking i'l be the one that steps out to assist him every last minute of submission but this is not the way it shud be happening.why am i doing this to actually kill him?but i jus think that hez been kinda reliable onto us,where he thinks someone is gonna helpp him at last. he seems not to put much effort at this moment and this is not the way man~and why are all these keep bothering me?i really felt pist when i was so worried with his courseworks and exams yet hez asking me for songs~i feel stupid on myself..why am i being overworried with him since he even dun bother bout it?im doing the additional work, am i?furthermore is non of my business so why shud i care so much with his matters?i shud have left these for his gf, and as a fren, spending time for tutoring and guiding is more than enough.sigh~im not sure whehther or not im thinking it correctly ,somehow i jus feel pist with them~im really pist..not one...but few...why are they doing this kinda things to us?we have feelings too...u guys are nothing much but just frens..thatz why i've been trying hard to forget bout wut has been happening recently...

i might not see it wit my eyes,but i could feel it with my senses...i can~wel, sometimes i've keep asking myself why am i being so suffer to remain the friendship and other ppl wil nv care bout it at all?why shud i bother bout it?jus bcos i wanna have frens since loneliness will actually kills me?perhaps im afraid to be left out from the gang and this makes me to have tortured myself much in order to adapt the culture of others and been alienated my personalities?i really dunno wut to do ..or isnt it the way to survive in the society?adoptable with wutz happening around and get use to it?somewhat, i got tired with all these..i wanna stop~how am i gonna do it?be firm by myself?pay no fuck to them?my DD told me to be selfish cos it's becoming one of the main principles in surviving yaself..wel, i realized that lately. ppl wil jus come to u if u noe something that they do not noe, u have the knowledge where they dont...sharing is caring..but i dun find trustworthy here, all i get is being fooled, being used~~why cant they jus do it themselves?i believe they can cos i did it too!come on...jus try to get rid from all those stupid reasons of I CAN'T and im sure u guys can do it.

other than this, i started to dislike someone..hez making me to feel that im annoying even i might not~somehow, he makes my intention to delete his contact at MSN,his number from my cell phone,not to talk to him at class, not to bother bout wut's happening to him...hez jus so suck til it hit my boiling point~

miserable life~

2008-06-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

since ever the term break has begun,i knew that im so gonna recharge myself for beginning another new life rite after this period..i tot i would have struggled for nobody business for that week,despite i was a little by the boredom,perhaps it seems like i've found my path that im clear with wut shud i be doing for this coming semester..im jus trying hard to put myself on the right path..i hope that i'l be real determined in my edu..i dun wanna put much hope and high expectation onto him anymore..im getting really tiring from day to day...of seeing him every classes...everytime we play badminton...everytime we go for lunch...i dun hope to pay complete attention onto him,which is kinda out of my control whereby i'l notice wutever is happening around...tat feeling is jus dam shit..i really hope to get rid with all these in a peaceful way..where he would nv notice bout it yet we remain as frens~

somehow, i think i've improved much since i have no intention for him anymore,i'l somehow have the feeling of avoiding him whenever hez there or he might be there...i'l jus avoid any eye contact with him....the conclusion here is I DUN WANNA SEE HIM~~

wel,another thing tat brought up my anger is one of my frens..where we have been running closely as classmates and frens..however,sometimes i jus feel that he has been brought over to a certain limit where i dun really like it~how could he jus read my msg without my permisson..and i really hate it when i were in the conversation with someone and he came to interrupt by teasing me...i hate it seriously~i really hate it that he alwis have his piece of mind without thinking on wut others are thinking,i hate it when he feels that hez alwis right in everything..i hate it when he feels that hez knowledgeable than others...i hate it when hez too overconfidence with himself...i hate it when he takes things for granted...i hate it when he feels that he deserves the best of everything since he has paid for it...how would aries be compatible with leo?itz totally out of sound..they are best frens..but nothing more than that...i really hate it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who is he to me?how could he has such authority to control me?how would he say such thing to me?he has his piece of mind..so do i...i have mine tooo~im so gonna throw it to him one day...

another issue is,me and my fren went on a confrontation for our best fren...where this guy has been making use of her for his assignments..and fooling her feelings all this time..although i felt that i've being busybody since we are jus 3rd parties in here,somehow he'z been going over the boundary where i think we shud pay him a fuck and give a kick at his ass~hez so sucks..how could a guy be acting in such a way..being defensive on such thing even he has not make it clear ever...and he claimed that he did declared it to her...come on,we are not fools~frenship may includes sharing love and caring each other, but not using her money, her time and knowledge for the purpose of completing his courseworks~~furthermore a gentleman shudnt have take things for granted~and tatz why hez gone speechless when we asked him bout his motive of being good to her~hez jus extremely sucks among the guys and being such an embarrassment in the guys world~the point is he din even realised his wrong doings and keep thinking hez been doing the rite thing..this really brought up my anger again whereby i din expect him to say all this..i tot hez been placed in dilemmas and consequently he din give a dam to begin the relationship..but now he jus said he has no good feelings towards her...then wut were those memories and things that they've done?obviously itz more than being frens..wel,no matter how, i really hope that she'l get rid with all these real soon..i hope she'l cheer alwis~~

please forgive me~

2008-01-15T06:19:00.000-08:00

the feelingn is funny...ridiculous...perhaps i've let go wutever i was supposed to ...shud i be feeling happie and grateful?heheh~

he jus told me that he has good feeling towards a gal who has recently been so closed with him....he oso told me how is he feeling towards her at this moment...and everything sounds like the gal likes him more than he does...and hez so thankful that i have act get to the point bout his prob of feeling such way..well,i didnt mean to analyse everything for him..jus tat i was telling my point of view and how am i gonna do if i were put into his shoe..

and wut he told me today was..something really sad...he's decided to hint to her slowly...oh god~~this is gonna be hurtful to her...seriously~i noe the feeling of being rejected by someone that u are so in loved with~~tatz gonna be sooooooo sad~~~~~~~~~~~~the feeling is really hurt~~~poor gal~i shudnt have said tat to him...i shudnt have pointed out the stupid idea bout nature in happiness...tiring in entertaining...am i gonna be the sinner here???please forgive me~~~please~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

happie birhtday DD~

2008-01-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

my DD is gonna have her bday on 5th jan~~~of cos im happie cos shez happie with my present to her...but seriously im sad at the same time cos i cant be there with her for such meaningful moment~anyhow,stil the same..stay happie and healthy alwis..this is wut i wanna greet u~~of cos loads of love and kisses from me~~hahahahah~~~no matter wut...we'l be frens forever~and i'l wish u bday no matter wut happen k~

big bear hug~~~~~~love u DD~~~~~~

happie birthday ~~~~~~~~~toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ~~~~u~~~~

happie bday kai~

2008-01-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

my very first blog for the year of 2008~~~

how i wish to get all my dreams come true...everything to be done and realised under my wish list..although it maybe possible but would be a tough task...jus hope for it~~~hehe~

wel, feeel released at this moment..surprisingly i felt so funny and even laughed non stop when he said tat..hahah~~i knew he was joking to me...if i were to the CSL in year 2007,i would have twist and turn wut he'd said..i would simply tot that he might have trying to hint something beside saying a jokes..but CSL has released something...the burden seems to be no longer in here..i felt funny when he said that...hahha~~thx to my gf who gives me support in doing everything..hahahha~of cos being a best fren would jus reply him..you are welcome~hahah~~

anyway..i hope i could have been to JB and celeb ya bday with u dude~~~i really have no idea wut to buy for u...the oni thing is to give me to u as a present..hahaha~~~i can do wutever for u
(jus one day oni)..cos u are my buddy~~~happie bday kai~

btw,my dear dear is goin to have her big day soon...this is so sad to me cos i cant be there to celeb wit her~how i wish everrthing is jus like wut i expected....but i noe although we are so far..yet we are so near ~~~heheh~~~and of cos i hope u'l wear the watch..and show if off..hahah~~~i noe the watch is jus a simple..but i do think itz nice and meaningful~~~noe wut?i was really happie and glad when u said the watch is nicely fitted on ya hand..i was so amazed..cos i tried on the sales person hand...and i intended to ask her to loosen it..and i din expect it to be so best fitted~~~~OMG~~that moment really makes me feel that we are so fated to be fren in my life~~i really feeel so blessed and pleased~~~

feel it with ya heart...

2007-12-27T01:20:00.000-08:00

wut do u get from a song when u listen to it?

at the very first time where u got approached to this song..that u have no idea bout it..which is a whole new song to u...wut would be the first thing that attract ya attention?something that catches ya soul to combine with the song and play along with it?something that makes u so tempting on the song and even feeling full by listening to the song....something that u feel fantastic with as if u have got the right thing at the right time...something that arise all ya inner feelings...ya memories..or some song that represents something or meant for it..a song that u'l nv feel bored with thru out ya whole life...

or maybe u'l jus pay total attention on the arrangement without bothering on wut have the composer or song writers are trying to express thru such medium...perhaps a great arrangement is the point to it..wut if the song is jus played with a single instrument..mostly unplugged??or a solo without a word of lyrics?then u've gotta feel it...

i share with him and he doesnt~

2007-12-21T05:46:00.000-08:00

itz been a habit for me to notice whether or not his name is appearing at my MSN list...i'l somehow feeel like missing something for the day if hez not online..sigh~

is this gonna indicate that im goin to a more critical stage of falling on him?haha~i was a tremendously emo person....my feelings can be a rollercoster for now and a total change to a ferris wheel in next min..and i felt really disappointed when i knew my 2 close bros were not gonna attend todayz class..i noe im gonna have a hard time..and i nearly told FY ,my fren while on the way to campus..phew~~~i jus cant tell her the truth although i wanted it so much..i noe i jus cant tel her if i wouldnt wan things to be even complicated~of cos i do hope that he noes my feelings towards him,but i've been thinking of wut can i give to him?

anyway, i was really down in the morning whereby i had nothing to speak about,even if hez sitting by my side,the feeling was jus to remain silent for some time..and this was so not my style..ppl think that im talkactive,which is not the 100% of CSL~i do but im do not all the time..i do have moody time in my life rite?and i din feel like bothering wut he was saying or doing since he din even bother wut i said to him...sigh~~thatz more than enough to hurt me~im realising that i've been trying to think in my own way,without thinking on wut he has does to others..perhaps everything happens to be one sided...i share everything with him...but he seems to keep everything away from me....perhaps this has shown that hez not willing to share his personal feelings with me so isnt it the answer saying that he's jus treating me as a normal fren?obviously rite~and yet im stil so falling so deeply into him...and the feeling is getting stronger everyday...which is so gonna kill me~

i need u when im at the bottom,i need u too when im at the peak

2007-12-12T01:15:00.000-08:00

MY CLOUD~~im trying my very best to be happie since we are celebrating ya birthday..but thh fact is there..i jus hardly display something else rather than moody on my face..i dun wanna pretend but i noe i have to..and the lucnh was really a tough task for me..i rather stay at home and enjoy watching TV...i keep wondering wut have i done to him..i mean another fren..did i do anything that makes him dislike me?did i?i really have no idea..why has he to treat me so cold recently..perhaps i have done something wrong towards him..but shudnt he be treating me like this??how would he feel if he were to be treated in this way?dam itz hurt k~~u are making me to hate myself..u making me to feel as if i've done anything wrong in my life..i rather wan u to tel me my wrong doings..and ask for forgiveness...at least i noe the mistakes..

anyway..i was kinda lost today ...as in i really have no idea wut shud i do.everyting jus happened in a sudden and im trying to handle it with my very best..im so lost~~~i hardly recall my memory...everything seems to be a mess..i feel so lost~~~i wanna get rid wit this kinda lifestyle..i wanna have my determination back to my life...i dun wanna let a guy to ruin my entire life...and i noe im not cos im selfish enough to say that..i hate myself of fallin into him..i really hate it~~im feeling as if im abnormal since i've fallen into my buddy~~~i wanna cry~~dear dear..where are u??i need u to be here with me when im upset..i need u so much cos u are the one which allows me to cry on ya shoulder without thinking of embarrassment..im not as tough as u do..i really admire the way u take things..when can i be like u?i need u when im at the bottom..i need u too when im at the peak~~

why am i to go thru this moment..i've experienced the same thing last year..which my koh koh was there to support me and went thru everything with me..but things've changed..no one is here to support me in getting over all this...jus feel how stupid am i to repeat the same mistake..same feelings..but i took 3 days to heal myself up..and i hope i'l make it shorter...

hottie+sexie=lesbian post

2007-12-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

i knew itz gonna be u hottie~~muax~~~huggies~~~im so happie to share my ups and downs wit u..somehow we are xx miles away..yet we stil care for each other...im really glad to known u as fren~~~

anyway,jus feel like talking something bout the prom night whcih was held last fri at MPHall of my campus..frankly the atmosphere was oni so so as compared to last year..and even the food was jus normal..but the goodies bag was not worthy..and of cos the ppl were nicely dressed up even better than previous year..it was such an amaze..but of cos u would see the emcees without their excitement this year even they remained unchanged..i jus couldnt see their flame thru their eyes..everything was jus done in the so so way...and even my performance was really a mess..cos i din went thru the sound test b4 the performance..and jus told the DJ at the very last mins...which cos them trouble..but luckily we managed to coped with it..anyhow, we were really panic cos we did practiced twice officially ..and i wasnt familiar with the song since it was the first time for me to listen to the song...of cos i'l try my best to do it~

the make up was really nice cos FOC..my fav~~yeah~~jus nice and pro skills..all thanks to the make up team from creative..they were really gorgeous and helpful as the guys were really chunned~~cos they were so tender and caring when u were willing to let them to apply those chemical onto ya face as they wish..they respect u and even listen to ya suggestions or opinions..and the main thing is they are really nice and friendly persons~~keke~

anyway..another thing that had flied me up to the sky was..i took pic with this guy~~~i din expect him to take pic with me cos i dinno that he attended the prom..coincidently he was there queing for the food..and he saw me..wowow~~i was really happie and shy when he put his hand at my shoulder and jus took pic..as in hez so close to me..kekekekekke~~hapie cos hez the first one~keke~~~~better not to dream ~

anyway..my fren said our performance was really nice..i was amazed that we sang pretty well as compared to other singing groups..cos our style was soft and sweet instead of DIVA..luckily we choosed the right song instead of continuing with the DIVA songs which might have jus spoilt ouu voice and reputation..keke~we enjoyed the applause...we enjoyed the cheers..i felt great to see that my frens were there to support me and my fren as well~~although there were some prob of the mic..and mistake in lyrics..but we'd tried our best and have no regrets~we'd done it finally~

the most happie thing was took pic with many ppl..they were really awesome and gorgeous..pretty and handsome faces everrywhere..

how i wish u were here with me to post for lesbian shots..hottie~sigh~~~

small matters..but itz mesmorize~

2007-12-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

my lips...i feel really itchy now..sob sob ~~~and fri is the prom night..and im gonna sing on the night~~~wut am i supposed to do??the most important that i've done was to seek consultancy from a doctor..and i did~~but im stil worry...sigh~hopefully everything wl be fine by tmr...pray hard~~~

and also ming huiy to get well soon ...cos shez gonna duet wit me for the performance...i really hope that she'l get well soon ...and really sorry that im making much trouble for u...get scolded byt joanne...got sick...got stressful..get into tso bz with my stuff..SORRY~~

anyway..im kinda happie today although it was jus a small little thing...but i was really happie with all this small matters..with his attitudes...with his merajuk..with his shoes...heheh~~~
although he might not felt anything..but it was really nice and funny to stay right by his side...and i wont be feeling embarrasing in front of him..even i fall down today...my knee has gone blue black for a spot..but i din felt embarrased even i jus fall in front of him..keke~~perhaps frens are like this...

well,many things seem to rollling of the snow ball...everything seems to be linking one to another ...which really gives me a hard time to make decision...whether i shud continue with the effort to carry on with the club...or jus give up by saying 'i quit'....but then everything seems to have linked me into it..can i be irresponsible to jus leave everything to another person...i really had a hard time with all these..i got pissed off with it..i teared bcos of it...perhaps it has oso brought to me some happie memories..but sad thing seemed to happen more often~~keke~~

yeah~

2007-12-04T05:13:00.000-08:00

im sweating now...dear dear~~~~~~~~~where are u???kekek

dun la angry me la..i din meant to fool u around ...hehe~~jus tat i was in front of the PC..and i saw u online at tat moment...u were not the oni one that being fooled by me..kekek~~there were other ppl tooo..even his elder sis~~~heheh...hopefully he dun angry that i've brought him a mess..anyway,it was fun~~SHARON KONG~~am i smart?cos even u couldnt even recognised my way of speaking..kekek~~oh no~~~~hurts me man~~and u said im gonna kena from u..OMG~~wut are u trying to do to me???oh no~~~dun scare me man~~keke~~

anyway..today was really fun ..cos the feelings were really nice...although it wasnt any nice clubbing venues...or pubs..or any nice restaurants..but the feeling were real good.lay under the sun ...wowo~~i like it..and of cos with them wil be alwis the funniest activities to do in my life..they will really give u an attempt to laugh out as loud as possible~keke~and please becareful with ya jaws when u laugh..
and the pan mee was really nice as breaklunch~of cos the most happie thing was pan mee+leng chais~~~kekeke~~this had really made my lunch even more fantastic than ever..wowow~~and of cos the point of the day was...they've learned a song-secret~~~wowow...im so glad cos i taught them the song...both of them able to play after 2 lessons~~~they are noobs..or i may say beginners in learning piano~~but im really glad that they've pay attention into it...i appreciate their effort dude~~u guys really cool~~~

MY VERY CSL~

2007-12-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

i dun like the feelings of being annoyed..and of cos i think everyone does the same thing as me rite,dont u?

therez alwis a border line in my dictionary as everyone can have funs..fool around and play jokes...but of cos therez alwis a boundary no matter wut or who u are...of cos i do have...and some of them out there doesnt seem to notice that im hot tempered person ..and will get into anger mode easily...and sometimes wut they said would have really hurt me deeply or even annoys me without them realising..but wutz the point of tellin them face to face if they dun even wanna bother bout it?isnt it meaningless if i were to pour tat out face to face..

on the other hand..it might be a good aid or remedy during the healing process...where i'l et annoyed by...until the max stage where i couldnt stand it anymore...where i can act give up everything..where i can act let go everything...where i'l make up my mind to say 'bye bye' and start a better life...i seem to goin thru this stage..where im gonna have my very CSL soon~~~im gonna have my very CSL~~~

aza aza fighting CSL~~

2007-11-29T06:01:00.000-08:00

i felt funny yet angry~keke

my heart was like stop functioning as in the fluid is not goin thru the circulation..as in my heart is goin to stop beating at that moment..where he asked me something regarding on studying abroad..wel,i finally und ya feeling bro chau..sigh~i was really upset when he said he's gonna get info on studying abroad..wel,tat moment makes myself even confused than ever..cos i've been questioning myself whether i do fall in love with him or not..perhaps i jus not give a dam to face the truth whereby i really have feelings towards him..yet i've gotta pretend nothing has happen since it might be too obvious for me to show my feelings out..furthermore i was jus sitting beside him...argh~~~stop asking me bout that..stop saying that..i really felt like tearing out..the intention is there ...jus that whether i do have the guts to confess..NO~~~CSL ..please beware of wut im gonna say~~~NONONO~

anyway,i did asked him for opinion that wut shud i do to the guy which i have feelings..can u jus imagine tat im asking the guy that i like for opinion regarding on how to confess to himself~wut da~~~perhaps i was jus trying to give some hint to him..since some of my frens suggested me..but it seemed like not working since he even asked me whoz tat guy..the one that hurt me the most "itz the truth..u like a guy..i din like anyone..'' ...he doesnt like anyone~~perhaps im jus being too sensitive and being 'tepuk sebelah tangan' over here..sob sob ~he even asked me not to give up ...jus giv it a try..walaoo~~~im so scare...and my frens kept asking me wut am i trying to worry about...wel,itz jus so simple- im scare of losing him~i dun wanna loss a fren..i'l be real happie ala he stil keep in touch with me even he has gone somewhere..

somehow, the intention is there..i noe that there'l be a big trouble if im to confess to him..cos i noe myself well,im selfish~i wil even have the intention to ask for him to stay~~CSL~~~~~~~~~~u've gotta stand firmly~~CSL~~~~~~~~~u've gotta support yaself..u've gotta stand tough~~~u cant fall so easily~~~

i've won since i have u guys~

2007-11-21T05:32:00.000-08:00

it began with a good day,ended up with a bad day..

but one thing i noe i've won..which is friendship which gives me a strong feeling of supports from my gang..i really love u guys...those ppl,i so glad and blessful of knowing u guys..i love u guys and i appreciate the friendship..which i hope wil never fade...and not going to fade..

even my lovly dear dear would give me kisses and hugs although we are miles away..although we are being apart from each other..but i could feel how much she cares for me..wut a great fren that GOD has brought to me..and not to be forgotten...my gang,they are such nice persons to give me supports and advice..and even listen to me as i have no where to pour out my feelings...they allow me to turn to them...im glad to hav them!

noe wut?sometimes i really have 2 sided behaviour...i really have no idea wut to do..whether i shud carry on and fight for it...or jus choose to give up everything...perhaps ppl might say that im being irresponsible if i do this...but wutz more can i do then?it'l be more worth it if there are ppl to fight the battle along with me..im keep asking myself wutz the point of continuing all this shit??for my own fame?for the club?but i dun seems like enjoying music,but more on management or human politics..wutz the point?is this the main reason that i'd join the club?no~~wut i wan is jus to play music..to produce music with a gang of ppl...to enjoy music!but wut it has turn to be is so much different from my expectation..i realised how stressful i've been after being part of the BOD..perhaps u might say that im behaving as how a loser behaves..escaping or giving in whenever there is hardships or probs...somehow,i alwis make my mind up in thinking in different perspective which may make me feel better..''this is jus some kinda hardships to train myself up...im jus leveling in my life...learning to be tougher and stronger from day to day..itz a good time for me to learn the other side of the society at coll time so tat i'l get more used to the egoism of the real society...it may help me and teach me many things through the experiences.....''

however, it questions me on why shud i to been through all this at my edu time since isnt it the time for me to enjoy my study life?jus let it be when comes to career stage..im really struggling in wut shud i do now..

give myself sometime..

2007-11-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

"love is when someone that u think bout when u wake up"...by one of my frens..

this sentence makes me think of the one that i've thinking of every morning when first open my eyes..but do i act think of him every morning?or someone has appear in my mind when im in fear,when i feel upset,when i feel happie,when i feel lonely,when i feel helpless....who is act appearing in my heart all this time that brings me back to the path??i cant even answer myself cos i got confused with my feelings too..sometimes i jus think that feelings are the one that guiding me to the way without analysing whether or not itz the right thing to do..

anyway, the feeling is jus weird..i got really curious with how is his feeling towards me....somehow, i jus think this guy is just more than a perfect guy to me..i feel comfortable to be with him..hez a nice guy to talk to,to hang out with,i really feel warm and nice to stay by his side...but wouldnt it to spoilt our frenship if im gonna demand something more than wut we are currently??i dun wan this to happen cos im not willing to lose him as a fren..i care for him very much..anyhow, i was thinking there might be a possibility for me to be thinking too much and being to sensitive on my personal feelings...sighz~~~

i gotta give myself some time...

i love u as my fren!

2007-10-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

i shudnt have tot so much...i've stopped to think bout this long time ago..and the feeling has once again came back to me..hmm,i wonder im feeling either curious or worry bout wut im feeling from him..i've been questioning myself..am i jus being oversensitive over him?frankly i wouldnt get to feel a guy who has feelings towards me..cos im the kinda of person who needs clarification if a guy has not open his mouth to pour out his feelings towards me..furthermore,i've been treating him as a real good buddy...of cos i wouldnt wan something 'extraordinary'' to take place which might destroy our friendship..if it does, then it'l be a sad case and even out of my expectation to accept the fact..

somehow, i jus hope that wut i've been figuring is nonsense and i doubt i wouldnt handle it properly.....wut shud i do then?shud i ask him?or shud i jus keep it by myself?but wutz the point of confronting to him since i dun hope to get involved?

however,im sure with one thing..which i'l love him as my fren!!!!!!saranghamida...my fren!!

wut can i do?

2007-10-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

really feel bored wit my life at this moment..

i noe shudnt have complaint so much since i might live a better life than many ppl in the world,but i feel bored with the real side of the society..the actual reason for living and surviving..somehow, i really dun wanna accept and adopt but there isnt a choice for me..i'l be lack behind if i dun adopt to the norm,i'l be alienated if i hesitate in being part of the norm..anyhow, i really worry that i might lost my personality and being one of them..i dun hope this wil happen to me one day,if it does then everyone wil surely hate me and be apart from me.

sometimes i really have no idea wut shud i do..and how shud i overcome those situations..i really dun hope tat anyone wil get hurt..and i dun hope anything that happen wil destroy the interaction...i dun wanna have enemies...i dun wanna hate ppl..and i cant control ppl to dislike me or even to arise their hatre towards me..i wan everyone to be my buddy instead of enemy..i really dunno noe wut shud i do..do u think itz worthwhile if no one gets hurt but yaself?no one noes bout ya feelings except yaself?no one noes bout ya hardwork except yaself?no one noes bout ya sorrows except yaself??if it happens to bring harmony into life..shud i give it a try?

shud u fight for it even i noe i might deserve a better treatment or respectation?but isnt it worthwhile for me to fight for it at the first place?and wut will be the consequences of the battle?wil anyone get hurt?wut the point of begining the battle?or shud i jus give up even i noe i have the ability and confidence to fight for myself?or am i jus being over worried with it?i've been thinking too much where im not supposed to think bout it?

2007-10-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

desperate???u may say tat...and i think i am in the situation of being so desperately to have a bf...kakakak!!

i feel strange as whenever they send me a nudge or something ...it act means that there are more updates waiting for me to discover...they have something new to tell me...which im really happie since they have the intention to share all this with me...

somehow,i jus feel myself a loser...i've wondering isnt my attitudes or personalities a problem ...as i've been treating guys and gals as the same species in my world...why cant i just get someone from the same class as me..or from the same campus as me as my bf?perhaps my attitudes are really a matter into this..

sometimes i really wonder isnt he the right person that i've been looking for??or itz jus the same old case...im really tired at this moment...i really have no idea wut to do...to continue to put all my love and cares onto him..or jus seek for another one..i really have no idea whether im doing the right thing...

SiDesign

2007-09-11T06:45:00.000-07:00

''u will alwis gonna be my love...u will alwis gonna be the one...''utada hikaru...first love..

wow...finally i realised why shez in love with this song...i've got fallen in love with it too..haha!
the lyrics is meaningful, and of cos most importantly it expresses my feelings towards the person tat i love...wowo!!

anyway,im happie tat dear dear has arrived in safe to newcastle finally after a 14 flight...fortunately there was someone to talk to her along the long journey so that she wouldnt felt lonely and miserable..hehe!im glad that she has finally begin to realise her dream after 22 years of her life living here..i noe this is her dream...as a fren,im supportive to her encouragement in taking the first move...i noe she'l make it greatly!i believe in her!!i noe u can do it dear dear!!!yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!somehow, i really worry bout her since i noe so well that she might be pressured by the environmental factors...somehow, i jus hope that she'l stil share her experiences so that i will not be lack behind...i dun wanna lose a fren like her!!!

besides, i finally found out some information related to the guy that i've pumped into..hmm,act it was jus a hint on the company that he might possibly working for at the moment..has anyone heard of SiDesign???probably an advertising comp..sort of designing comp..wowow!!!i was surprised that hez act in such an artistic industry man!!coool!!i was wondering wouldnt there any possibility for is to become colleagues in future??wowo...i jus couldnt imagine how would it be if this really happens ...kekekekekeke!!anyhow,itz jus a dream...or imagination that kept inside my mind...wut happens in reality is totally differ from it..haih!!!how i wish i could get closer to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!desperate-nya!

"dun think like shiaw lee...ppl give then we ma take lo.."

2007-09-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

why am i feeling this way?

i shudnt have bother so much on wut he has said since i have made up my mind to let go..and the feeling did came to me last few days..where something happened that act sort of annoyed me..somehow, i might have changed my mind in exiting such stupid 'game'...

anyway,i noe that we've been thinkinn differently when comes to dealing with mr. wong...i noe the reality is not as simple as i think...but i jus wanna maintain a good relationship since he has sacrificed his time to have some music sessions with us..i appreciate tat although they were oso trying to make use of our resources since the oni capital we have is students!the phrase "give and take ma..itz a manner of the matter"...keep appearing in my mind..perhaps he might be right in saying this,somehow, this might not be applicable in all situations...i really feel frustrating when he says so...

i love u guy!!!muaxxxx!!!

2007-08-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

i cried in the noon...

it was like a rollercoaster..frankly i was felt retarded when i received my audit cw from ramesh..i was so upset,part of it would be the fact that i need to redo my cw..but i wasnt in the mood to cry not until i flipped through my content pages...where he'd written the marks for each part..my heart as if was bleeding after a sword went thru it and couldnt breath for the moment..i was extremely sad when i saw my hard work in returned with a 0!!!itz was act pretty hard time for me to calm myself down...furthermore, my gang were there to look at my cw...i was so touched by them,where they found mistake that ramesh might have done in the marking,they searched for the points tat are possible to get extra marks,they even offer themselves to help me out in redoing my cw!!!!tat was the major reason for me to cry...to waste my tears..for me to get my headache and my nose and eyes red...for me to get embarrasing in front on the public..and i think itz worth it since i have such a good gang of buddiess!!!i appreciate and i love u guys!!!!i really love u guys!!!

another issue, i felt sorry to FY cos i might have hurt her feelings...i could read her thought when the moment i saw her laughter..i noe itz not truly from ya heart la...so fake !come on!how long have i noe u??kekek!!but i noe shez trying to show her openess so tat i wont be worrying on her..i noe u la!!!she dun meant tat ...jus tat every single of u guys got really high mark..and i failed for the cw..therefore, she was jus trying to encourage me in this way...shez trying to consult me in this way..she dun meant tat my dear!!she jus being over concern and worry bout me and resulted in saying those things...sorry!!!!i hope u dont take this into concern!!im really glad that u guys were concerned bout me...im so glad!!u guys are my best every buddiess!!
and everything ended up in making a mistake...heheh!!but it was worth it since my gang really showed their true colour...their hero colour!!!oh no!!!!i fall in love with my gang jor!!kekeke~~

then, we went for sports...gym+swimming..hmm,i wasnt good and experience in this ..cos usually i'l jus fast walk or joggin..but not in the gym room..and i dun even noe how to swim!!keke...and u was seriously shy to take off my clothes in front of themm..furthermore,i wasnt wearing a swimming...jus a normal under and bra will do...and the water is cold though itz noon time..luckily i din sneeze cos it might get me into trouble..though it was a hard time for me to float...and even nearly get drown...yet i have the determination since itz a way to lose weight!!!itz my goall..here i come..hehe!!!soya bean is healthy ..and therefore i need to be as healthy as he does too!!kekek!!

u are my soul..u are my nerve..
u are my star..u are my sunshine..
everything i do..will do it for u!!!!!

wooohooo!!!!!

black + blue vs mouth + foot desease

2007-08-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

i alwis believe that everything happens in contra with another thing..there is alwis a balance between good and bad, similarly as GOD has brought the creatures of men and women to this earth...

supposingly i was extremely excited and happie cos someone appeared to have made my day..and my intuition hint that there might be something unpleasant happening around..

black + blue = CSL's fav colour match...which appeared on him..wow!!!since ever tt got the right match, itz hardly to get the exact match perfectly on..i really admire it!!but when the moment i saw him, the feeling aroused,the sense of nervousness...i really have no guts to look directly at him...i think hez the oni guy that is making me to feel this way so far!!whenever i try to look at him,my face would naturally turn into a tomato pie...and cant concerntrate,my body temperature wil heat up as i'l feel warm, and of cos the main point is my BP and pulse will be interrupted to an unsteady condition, which indirectly resulting in hormone disorder that is leading me to have the intention to scream out "i love u so much"!!!

after the excitement, here came the side effects..worries, fears and curiosity....but i dun give a damn to extend any further as this might disappoint me..im not as tough as i think,im not as easy goin as other ppl think...itz difficult for me to accept and adopt something which is out of my range of expectation as well as ability. i wanna be optimistic...but sometimes it happens to be at the opposite of the expectation and even it falls within the estimation, the progress of adoption will be disrupted by tonnes of reasons!!!in other words, im escaping from the fact...

on the other, someone has fall sick...and i was pretty sad bout it..somehow, i was impressed with myself in facing this situation...as i've mentioned,good things will be followed by bad things since good luck is not alwis there with us..in fact, i was really upset when i knew that he has fall sick until today since last fri..i tot he would have recovered since it was kinda small matter....and i saw him this morning,walking on the street with a half dead looking face...haih~~~~~~poor thing!!!the regards that i sent really meant it...but i was surprised that why didnt i have the feeling..i mean i jus feel sad and worry bout him as a best buddy, sis point of view instead of cryin like hell as i used to be..i mean mayb i might cry if something bad happen (touchwood)..somehow, i jus wana care bout him as a fren...and this feeling is real great!perhaps i've let go something...hehe!!!im really glad to care so much for a fren...and i dun bother bout wut he might think ,wut i'l get as return.....but jus to care for a fren truely deep down from my heart~~~

get well soon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~if not how to sing ar???

admire or love?

2007-08-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

looking at the wide monitor screen,keep backspacing...figuring out wut shud i write as the content of this post....

act there were many things happened,perhaps stil happening..but im not involved into any of the situations!!anyway,im trying my best, and i think i manage to do it...there also many remedies which i have thought about...

keep myself steady and busy so tat i'l have no free time to think bout other things.

get myself to fall in love into a total new guy..hehe!!

stay away from him so tat i'l wont be getting too close with him

less commitment to keep a boundary in between...so tat i wont be thinking too much

keep thinking bout the evil side of him instead of blinded wit all those stupid things!!!

try not to avoid eye contact as this would help me to face him as well as the prob

think with open mind and accept everything with open heart...

jus look at the outside instead of inside to avoid any misunderstanding...

concerntrate on my edu as well as my plan..

i really have no idea how shud i get rid of this...soya beaa?i jus have a feeling tat i got confused with my feelings...admire or love?i got confused...of cos i do hope my bf would be like him..but....were the feelings true??or im jus being too emotional towards a guy...or even a stranger?

no music no life!

2007-08-17T03:18:00.000-07:00

no music no life??doesnt it sound familiar??jus look up at the theme of my blog!

there have been something on recently in my club as well as my life...everyday non stop wit my coursework,tiring, exhausting....even the music clinic has caused me so much probs!but i noe i'l be tough to handle everything..im not gonna give up!i really have worries onto wutever events that have been carried out by our club...the response probably would be the major trouble..and of cos the relationship among the BOD...i dun hope to have misunderstandings or conflicts while conducting the events..i really dun wanna see this to happen among the BOD..i wan perfect chemistry!!hehe!

next,im on my way to release someone...to let go...to stop thinking onto him..to have no feelings towards him..to have oni frenship or even as a buddy to him....but the reality is holding back cos there have been many things happening around...but i'l try my very best to not to fall into the same person!!im such a loser!!!CSL>>>u are such a loser!i noe his dream gal...yet im dreaming all the days on him!this is pretty stupid!!my heart has really broken into ...trillion of pieces...for the moment there is no remedy for me to heal...perhaps time and ppl will do!!hehe!!

anyway,i was pretty impressed when i saw the poster did by them..i've been wondering who was the one tat insisted the slogan of 'no music no life'???wow....i really like it...im scare tat it might be him again....i'l be happie if bryan tells me it was his idea...however, i'l be tortured again if it was his idea!!!im so scare and tortured as everything is making me to fall deeply into him!!i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!!

red.red..red...red....

2007-08-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

again...im scare to fall into the same hole!!i dun wan !!please save me!!

although i keep persuading myself with thousands or trillions of reasons in return to get rid out of it,itz likely difficult for me implement..it's been a habit for me to look at the MSN list when i sign in,i wonder why i've been so concern whether hez online or not..i feel secure when he is one of them..however, there isnt anything for us to chat with excluding club meeting..i mean we dun chat online even i really hope to chat with him!somehow, i have no idea wut shud i chat with him, or even saying a Hi would makes me feel awkward..there isnt any ideas and ways for me to approach him!

secondly, it has been a habit for me to have expectation on wearing the same colour shirt,same style of dressing....and of cos i hope tat we will be alwis wearing the same things!kakakakka..
anyway, we wore the similar colour today ..red!this is something incredible..for me la!

thirdly,it has been a habit for me to have expectation on seeing him everyday..i hope to see him at the bus,i hope to see him at campus,i hope to see him at cafeteria,i hope to see him at the lab...jus all the time..this feeling is jus killing me...and i feel something missing for the day when i do not noe wutz happening wit him..when hez leaving,when hez not there, when he nv come,when he appears offline.....................................

wow!!even i used to feel similarly towards tt,but i'd considered that tt has nv been thru so much with me before...whereas,this is something different...

i dun put a dare to expect anything higher..at least everyting will not fade as how it is doing now..even a best buddy will do..

im really happie!

2007-08-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

im really happie today!!

stil rmb wut happened on monday..i went to campus in the morning and got my proposal and ideas rejected..i was pretty disappointed tat day..during the phone call, i was really emotional as when i was listening to him..a moderate tone in consulting me...as oso consulting himself at the at the same time,really calmed me down..and i worried too on his position to face Mr Wong..i missed the way he speaked on the phone..

and wut happened on today was a total turn out...i was really worried for the last few nights..non stop thinking bout the new BOD..bout how to face the new members..and oso the refunds..wow!but it seems like we are goin along with the luck..im really pleased with this..itz unexpectable cos everyone seems to be unprepared at first,looked uncertain at first..but when everything get started,we've kept the ball rolling as the dynamic has got started!!wow!!im really glad with it..at first i tot wut we've planned may jus be trash ideas...not applicable...who noes!!yeshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
and of cos the main thing tat driven me to the sky is when he asked me "you feel happie for the meeting, dont u?"...i was impressed that he noes...and notice...and rmb...tat i felt upset on monday and now im happie with it!!wel,i kept reminding myself not being overwhelmed with this...but sometimes it jus out of my control..im really happie for our club!!!!and i could see that hez happie too..and being not hesitating to go on with all the ideas though he sounds like nv bother to it...

same shirt+same denim pant+same type of shoe

2007-07-30T07:53:00.001-07:00

the feeling is similarly as taking a roller coaster...

of cos i'l prefer taking a ride on ferris wheel,togather with the one i love..how i wish this would happen to me one day!!!i waiting for sure...hahaa!

it has been a long time for me not to see him, and i tot da feeling towards him would have jus disappeared so suddenly since i've been adore to my fren in my campus!!somehow, i saw him in the morning..my luvely 'soya bean'..haha!i miss seeing him dressing in formal clothing..i was first adored to him,where i was so fascinated by him...though hez not handsome,and i really meant it..haha!!but i jus feel tat this guy is irresistable!!kekeke!

he really made my day,i was really happie and tempted and i knew tat im gonna start a good day..somehow,i would have stayed for a longer and keep an eye on him..but i have to sacrifice for another person,which i promised to help him up..i would have no comment on it since i volunteered myself..

wel,sometimes thing happened as out of our control..and of cos i knew itz not her fault,no one is to be blamed in this case..i und wut she meant..and i knew itz all for our good and oso to encourage us to learn from experience as to gain higher maturity level!frankly i appreciate tat she had spent her time to listen to me and oso the suggestions..although there might be something we cant do now,but wutz the point of getting everything done reluctantly?somehow, i felt tat disappointed when i was supposed to tell him the result of it..though i wouldnt say tat we have done much work onto it..at least we've done something in order to bring out the plan,somehow, it failed!!haha!but im happie tat we've been thru all this,and for sure i'l be there to support him no matter wut!!yoyo!as a fren,as the assistant,as the member of the club,i wouldnt wan to see the worst side to happen,i wouldnt wan to see the corruption..of cos those pressures would not stop us from surrending...itz nothing much for us to fear bout..nothing will dillute the power of music!!!yoyo!!!!!!!!!!!!anyway, i was really touched when he was consulting ourselves on the phone..i act feel contented when he really shares his opinions..his ideas with me..im feeling happie bout it!

btw,we wore the same colour T-shirts whcih were brown,same denim long pants, and oso same type of sports shoes...jus tat his brand is adidas and mine is nike!!wow!!though it doesnt mean a thing to him,but it does to me!i mean...i nv expect to be like this..everyting goes by feelings..i felt like wearing tat shirt instead of my new shirt..i felt like wearing tat pant instead of the old one...and i felt like wearing tat shoes instead of matching the usual one..and all is 'feelings' are confusing myself!!argh!

no guts,no expectation..

2007-07-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

why am i doing all this...

hez bz with his proposal..wel,i hope im as free as i think..sadly this is not happening to me..i have few cw to rush for..and yet i seems to be in gesture...without any pressures on my assignments..perhaps i dun give a dare to think bout it....escaping!!

anyway,i keep asking myself,is this the right way of loving someone?is this considered as love?or am i being too foolish in doing such things?he would not noe how i feel even i have done so much things for him though?but isnt it wut i wan,without him noticing?frankly i personally have no idea on wut am i doing,and whether im doing the right thing or not..somehow,i jus wana do something for him...although he might not appreciate all this,but at least i''ve try my very best for him!!i dun expect any return,or perhaps wut i hope is considered as a return!i jus wanna be there when he needs help,i wanna share his pressures..i wanna help him so tat he wont be facing all the problems by himself..although the person beside is not me..i wouldnt say tat i dun mind or im not disappointed...but i jus wanna be there when he needs help!!!!!!!!

at this point,i really have no guts to imagine wutz gonna happen next...as wut i alwis say.."enjoy and appreciate wut i have now..instead of worrying the future whcih is unknown"....

syok sendiri!!

2007-07-26T04:27:00.000-07:00

wow!!another success had brought to life!!yeah!

hurt me?i think im trying to hurt myself as though it doesnt mean anything.i feel that im acting like a libran,concerning on the balance of everything,keeping myself aware to wut im not supposed to do and wut my emotion has lead to do..which is in the dilemma of falling and not fallin in to a guy!

i was pretty impressed wit wut we have done so far for the club,it was the first time ever for me to feel the determination of moving towards the goal..and of cos the team spirit...although our club is nothing much special or any stronger as compared to others, at least we have the passion in organising the functions,even the events wouldnt have been so ideally done without our patient, coorporation, understanding,and of cos most importantly the chemistry among each of us!i really appreciate the fun and joys tat we'd been togather as this would bring me a meaningful memory for my higher level education life in the campus!at least therez something for me to rewind when i begin with 'those were the days'..i really hope tat the chemistry and dynamic would not fade..and even the interaction of every single of us would be stronger than ever!

anything issue,we sang for the day!!i mean we really sang for the staff day!!i felt really stress in the morning cos i din see him to appear anywhere..not until i was sitting in front of the pc in the lab,where he was outside there,looks kinda anxious..perhaps he was late..and i believe therez a reason to it!anyway,i was pissed off with the internet connection cos it was slow!dam slow!i realised how retarded was my day goin to be..no progression on my audit cw,but wasting my time to wait for the practice and performance!luckily he was on time to call me cos everything seemed to have bored me..of cos i would turn my mood up when approached to music instruments!hehe!somehow, i was really worried that he told me he took 3 tablets to cure his gastric prob!wow!how i wish i could do something for him at tat moment..food?drinks?anything i can help?it all started off as usual..i love his voice!finally i gotta listened to the real vocal without warming up..it sounds raw yet sentimental!i like it!itz nice!i really meant it!of cos there much more to go,and i was really happy tat he sang my fav song wit me!'how do i live'..finally was presented to the audiences..but im sorry to say tat i laughed when he was singing the song!kekeke!i was really happie with the result of it..and once again,the chemistry!

btw,i really adore wut kelvin said when he was walking behind of us.."wut are u guys talking,the couple in front..the 2 couple in front,wut are u guys talking ar?....."

i suddenly realised that i would rmb everything that happen between us...and this is wut i considered to care about a person.even a mighty thing would caught my attention to it!

syok sendiri!!hehehehhe!

please hurt me!

2007-07-22T07:57:00.001-07:00

have u ever feel like something is running up and down in ya nerves?feel like screaming?uncomfortable?

this has been happening to me recently when i see someone, i was pretty fine at first,i tried to keep myself calm,controlling my emotions as i'l not misund...i tried so hard and now it seems like everything is not working as how i've expected!i tot i should have healed up since i got the worst part of my life last year..and all this brought me to frustration and the feeling has ended up with shifted to someone else..everything seemed to be on the right path,sweet memory of admiring my lovely soya bean...everything was jus in a good mood..

however, my life has beginning to repeat the same mistake,which is wut i've been prevennting from happening..perhaps i've been thinking too much,im jus being over towards anything that happened...perhaps wut she said was really true..we have nothing in common,but oni in music!tatz y i've appreciate him as a teammate or someone who can discuss or share opinion on music..nothing much!

furthermore, i really hope that wut hez doing now would hurt me deeply so that i could get rid of this asap!please hurt me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do i live...

2007-07-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

"how do i live"..sung by lee ann rimes..the soundtrack of the movie title 'con air'..

i like this song,i think itz meaningful as to the movie too..i had once been fall in love with this song cos it describes how i feel towards a guy that played a pretty important in my life..he influenced me much..however,i stil think that this guy is so chun til i keep comparing him to other guys..hehe!
anyway,it has been a fully occupied for the week,i feel really tiring though,but the joy is worth for me to bring my keyboard from my room all the way to my campus,taking up the risk of letting my keyboard stay nights and nights at the student council room, reaching campus every morning to get the boof set up nicely,even had destroyed some of the campus properties...hahah!but i really enjoyed the club week..but i want it to be end up as soon as possible..on the other hand,im afraid that i have no chance to see him more often as in how we are seeing each other everyday...isint it stupid?

i tot everything will be fine..on the path..as how it was really happened..but everything seemed to be too perfect,which is out of my expectation..where i've been predicated something unpleasant like disputes would happen..somehow,itz jus so perfect!!!!!i would say itz an amaze to music club,for first time ever to have recruited many new members,to have such a chemistry among the old members,to have carried out everything in success,to have such a nice memory..i think itz a good start..that everyone of us has being so committed to the club,which i feel pretty proud of it..i have no regrets that i've requested patrick to insert our club into the list!itz awesome!!!

wel, the worst thing that i've encountered is i might be having a high possibility of repeating the same old mistake..which i have jus realised..i kept persuading myself to make things simple,but recently my brain is stucked like nobody business..i couldnt control the way i've thinking of him...perhaps,many songs remind me of him..damn it!i dun expect anything to happen,as long as the chemistry is there,we are frens..tatz wut i wish to have at all time!i dun expect him to be 'mine'..and i dun have the right to do tat..i have nothing to feel envy...perhaps itz jus nothing..jus tat i've been making things into complexity!

you're the one

2007-06-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

who i like?

my fren jus asked me a question regarding the type of guys tat i interested.frankly i was pretty hard to tell him the answer cos i have many ideas bout my ideal guy..but the first thing tat came to my mind was soya bean..haha!currently hez the type of guy i like..somehow, i think im gonna talk non-stop on this topic..

anyway,have u ever miss someone that u love?someone tat u really care bout?someone that makes ya heart pump like nobody business?someone tat makes u worry all night long?someone tat makes u feel happy and tempted?someone that drives u to insane?someone that opens ya heart?someone that gives u energy whenever u are in hunger?someone that drives up ya passion toward achieving ya goal?someone that is in deep in ya heart?someone that u've been thinking everyday,every second,anytime?someone tat makes u feel so desperate to hug him?
wel,im goin through all this..it sounds like stupid and ridiculous to do all this,but to me,i jus think itz contented that i share my love to someone...hehe!

someone is back...

2007-06-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

someone is back...

it has been ages for me not to mention bout this guy..tt,abreviaton of thomas tan..haha!he used to be my top-listed guy...wel,i really love this guy previously...he had driven me crazy.
anyway,the reason tat has act brought my intention to blog here was..something tat makes me feel increadible..jus wanna share it out..
on tuesday night,i was lying on my bed,thinking of wut have happened recently,the person tat i've admiring recently,the day after tonight,the things tat are gonna happen next morning, the possibility of seeing in the next morning...the person tat i meant wasnt not tt,itz another guy since tt has left for some time..at this moment,the name thomas tan jus flashed thru my mind,the memories of us performing together,practicing together,laughing,all these were stil fresh in my mind..then,questions appeared to myself,how wil i feel if i would have a chance to see him again?how would i response if im gonna see him face to face on day?am i gonna say 'hi' to him?or jus get myself stun there?how awkward would the situation be?or he'l jus pretend not seeing him and we end up being passers-by?anyhow, i was surprised tat when i tot of seeing him again,i jus realised tat i teared out!!wut da..how could i waste any of my tear on this guy??come on,i shudnt have continue to be a loserr!!!but i was pretty emotional...wel,i had a piano practice section on thurs,and lyden jus came to my studio and told me tat "ya bf has come back ytd "...i was pretty curious bout who would be my bf...i dun have one,and even asked him to intro to me..kakak! "thomas tan"....i got stunned for some seconds,seriously i had no idea how shud i response to him!after i've got this news,i got kinda distracted with these...the words kept appearing in my mind..''thomas tan is back''..seems like i have fallen in love with another person, i tot i would feel nothing bout this..but the fact is i stil got distracted with him..i think i 've gotta make myself clear about my feelings!!

2007-06-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

my best frens...

2007-06-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

it sounds like a reunion..

i alwis on the believe that we shud not done something to others which u dun hope to get from others..furthermore,i do believe that anything happens wil have the reasons,we've gotta cherish wut we have at this moment so tat we'l nv regret in the future..other than this,i oso think that when something good comes to me,something bad is waiting for me..i'l wont have good luck accompanying me all the time..so i need to appreciate before things happen to be worse..as the conclusion,i hope to live happily evenyday,enjoy the lifetime tat i have every moment instead of worrying of wutz gonna happen which is out of my control and expectation...i hope i can do this to make everyone around me to be happy..

anyway,the YA members met up..btw,YA is youth ablaze,which is some kinda fellowship held at the collage..meeting up the guys were the happy thing after a realistic-business review based-audit class by our excellent lect Mr Ramesh..hez such a wise man!!im his admirer...keke!wel,it's been a long time for us not to meet up in gang..i was surprised tat many of them came all the way from SS2 to KD campus!wow!this was the first meeting held at the campus,therefore, it was kinda funny and excited..as usual would have snacks while the meeting was carried out,and this made the atmosphere to be more relaxable.afterward,we went to 1U for lunch..wow!chilling out with them was the funniest and relaxable time cos u dun have to be wut ur supposed to be in front of a guy..jus be yaself as u are with ya family members..jus burb out as when u wan to..jus laugh as loud as u can whenever u wan..their are like big boys to joke and play with,but oso big guys when u need to be protected!haha!buddy buddy ma!

2007-06-15T03:13:00.000-07:00

can i?shud i?am i?

i kept questioning myself bout the samething..i went to mirado for piano practice since exam is jus round the corner,i saw eddie and lynden..as usual,we would have topic to talk bout..but i'l say tat eddie looked fabulous with himself dressed up formally!!wowow!u look awesome dude!this was the first ever time for me to see him in this way..
anyway,the main point was both of them suggested me to be a truely musician..hm..i used to considered bout this question when i was at high school,or even 1 or2 years before from now..but i think i've chosen to be involved in the business industry where i gradually get myself used to the business world though im worry bout the reality of it..but im getting curious and interested into wut im learning...auditing,management,taxation,marketing...etc.im pretty happy tat i finally have put on the interest..back to the topic,i was kinda suspicious on myself whether i really manage to be a truely musician or jus taking it as a hobby in life?hmm..i started off with my interest on singing,then my parents jus discovered tat i have interest and perhaps talent in music,which lead them to buy me music instruments..i then became an addict to 'it',even told them tat i cant live without music!wow..i was pretty proud of wut i'd said!recently i found myself to have changed whereby i might have lost the enthusiatism and determination in music..perhaps i've been learning things which out of my interest..u may say im being stubborn,but im a nuts in classical music!!i keep wonderinn why would i took up the piano exams and courses?haha!itz ridiculous..somehow,i jus went back to who i am and took up drum lesson secretly..keke!musician..wut does it mean?pianist?keyboardist?guitarist?drummer?organist?full time music teacher?i have no comment on it cos im half way towards the business industry...i sure tat i'l be a graduate tat major in the business and accounting area!however,music is stil part of my life, and i'l nv give up in any chances to connect myslef to music or discovering new things...cos i like learning!

2007-06-09T02:09:00.000-07:00

just read a blog written by my cousin..

happie birthday to my cousin sis- wei wei ...sweet 14 huh!how i wish im stil at teenage..but no more looo..reviewing wut i 've done during my teenage life,i felt pretty ashamed with myself,i act was a boring person,i did nothing special during the 5 years of my high school life..itz pretty sad!i was such an obedient daughter to my parents,obeying everything tat they asked me to do..why shudnt i be a little ignorance to them?!perhaps i shud have done something tat is memorable which at least makes my life to be a little bit colourful..something meaningful so tat i may have some stories to tell my grandchildren..kaka!

anyway,reading the blog,and sometimes watching some series,i felt that i am a truely loser!!!i've nv been through the feeling of having a bf over the 20 years!!!sometimes i might just feel so despearate of jus getting one...but am i suppose to get anyone else in order to fulfil wut i want?though i really hope to have someone there to love me..but isnt it good to just pick anyone out there?or i jus get whoever which is single and go ahead with the confession even i have no good feelings towards the guy!?or i would jus say yes to whoever that is available around me?hmm..i think i might not do this at this moment...i have doubt in future if im stil a single for another 10 years!i have worries on myself for not doing anything, and being pressure to regret in future whereby i have done nothing and nv appreciate my lifetime...or i might regret tat i've just left my lifetime passed in such a meaningless way...im so worry bout this!furthermore,i have no idea wut shud i do except the wishes tat i've listed down..

btw,i really have doubt on myself wutz happening in my life now..i tot i should achieve wutever targets that i've been set...however, i lose the dynamic and enthusiatism to continue my battle towards all my targets..sometimes i really need supports,either literally or mentally..i jus need supports!!!but no one seems to bother bout it...perhaps everyone has their own responsibility in their life..so would they bother bout others?i noe itz being bad to say this cos i noe tat there are of cos ppl who act care for me...i really cherish for their consideration!i love u guys!

hopefully i'l get to find myself very soon..i wanna get back to who i was to be..my confidence,my curiousity towards the surrounding,my passion towards my life,my reason of living in this world..

my listed wishes and targets to be done:
-lose weight preferably to 50kg
-do well in my study,wish to achieve distinction in degree
-write songs,compose songs...
-to be a friendly person,down to earth...learn from mistake...i dun wanna be sportlighted,but someone where ppl wil turn to me when they have probs,sadness..i dun mind to listen to them..

to be continued..

2007-06-05T03:36:00.000-07:00

sometimes i dun even noe wutz the purpose of switching on the pc..

perhaps to dl wut i have choosed..to update some info..to chat with frens..my life sounds really boring..jus read my fren's blog,where she has found the purpose of living in the world,where she found herself,her reason of living,that shez here because of jesus!wel,i heard of this from others as well,and i think im blessful cos im here!

listening from my another fren,where her frens were killed in an accident..this really scares me away cos life is jus so miserable,as in we really have no idea wutz gonna happen next..no prediction but we do have a choice to appreciate everything that is with us now!i dun wanna live in regrets,i dun wanna look back to the past..maybe the experience will build me into a tougher person..but not to fear me off!i dun wanna let the past to be a reason for me as burden..

btw,i found my gang to have splited into 2...we used to be so united as one team..u'l for sure to see us togather at anytime and any place..but thing has changed at the beginning of the year..and i have doubt in trusting some of them..perhaps they've found something even better than wut we have...